


Love and Loyalties

by Crys_Loch



Series: Vampire Stories [5]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Dark, F/F, F/M, Multi, Post Season 7, Threesome - F/F/M, Vampires, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-12
Updated: 2012-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-03 12:15:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 61,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crys_Loch/pseuds/Crys_Loch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vampire Stories: story 4.  Cordelia?  There are many questions that arise.  Some truths are revealed.  And everyone has choices to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. day 1

**Author's Note:**

> The disclaimers:
> 
> Don’t Sue Me- I did not create nor do I own the characters or their premise. Joss Whedon did and does. This is just Fan Fiction. All the fun and none of the profit. As for any original characters, please don’t use without my permission. And distribution: not without my explicit consent. Feel free to ask though. 
> 
> One Last Thing- Let’s just pretend the ending of Angel happened shortly after the ending of Buffy, please. Thank you. If we sync the endings there’s just a confluence, convergence and eruption of battles won at great loss, free will, and undercurrent of betrayal of faith that it just works and I can’t resist wanting to play with it. Also, I started writing this story in 2005. Due to a sudden health problem, I couldn’t continue until now. These stories are still in my head and I will find a way to get them out. If only for myself. To any dear reader who started the series then- please forgive me. Thank you for reading again. I hope you enjoy it.

Willow slipped quietly out of the bedroom and down the stairs. It was still daylight, maybe late afternoon. She couldn't just rest the day away. Her mind was preoccupied with the fact that Cordelia Chase was just down below. Their little escape was proving to be not as clandestine as she had hoped. She had to understand what was going on. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she found Cordelia at the kitchen table writing in a notebook. Willow silently crossed the room.

Willow stopped beside Cordelia at the table and watched as Cordelia suddenly looked up, startled. Willow grew more amused as Cordelia's reaction was to roll her eyes and relax. "Did I startle you?" Willow asked with a knowing smirk.

Cordelia shrugged her shoulders. "No big. I got used to it."

Willow smiled and nodded her head. She walked around the island counter and started to make some coffee. "Are you hungry? We don't actually have anything in the way of food here."

Cordelia set the pen down and closed up the notebook. "I might be. I haven't really thought about it yet. I guess if I'm staying here, I should go get some groceries." Cordelia stayed on edge, not quite letting herself relax into the seemingly casual conversation. She had managed a little sleep on the sofa, mostly due to sheer exhaustion. Since then, she had been in a state of suspension, waiting for what might happen when these three once friends awoke. She looked up into the loft room. Xander and Buffy appeared to still be sleeping. And here Willow was mildly discussing a lack of food offerings for human guests. Cordelia had filled the waiting time with the idea of getting some of the more recent events down on paper in an effort to clear her mind and make some sense of it all, before... Well, before whatever happens next would happen.

Willow turned toward Cordelia and leaned against the counter, waiting for the coffee to finish. She recognized the notebook as being one from her desk. "Cordy, where'd you get that book?"

Cordelia cast a quick glance down at the pilfered object in question. Her reply was rushed as she turned toward Willow. "I found it on the desk. I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind. It's just, it was empty. And I don't have anything yet. And this waiting was killing me, so I wanted to use the time to try and make some sense of everything." She forced herself to stop and just wait for the reaction.

Willow simply nodded her head. The book had been empty. All the notebooks piled on the desk were empty. That one slipped off to another use didn't seem that big a deal. She knew Cordelia would be snooping a little. She was surprised she would take up journaling. Unless... Willow waved off the uncertain panic on Cordelia's face. "That's fine. I haven't started research yet. All the books are empty. Who is that book for?" Willow was a little relieved when confusion was clearly Cordelia's first reaction to the question.

"Me." Cordelia assured her. "Just me. So much has happened and I don't know what's about to happen and I just wanted to get some of these thoughts down."

Willow nodded her head and poured herself some coffee. She relished the warmth of the mug against her hands. Willow glided out of the kitchen and returned to the table. She stopped just behind Cordelia and peered over her shoulder at the notebook, curiously trying to glimpse through the cover. Her lips tightened as Cordelia's hands moved to rest protectively over the cover.

"I never knew you were the type to keep a diary," Willow kept the casual conversation tone to her voice.

"I wasn't," Cordelia replied a bit too hastily. She willed herself to take a calming breath and tried to relax. The impending whatever was about to begin and she reminded herself of her plan to not fight it. The coffee called to her but she was still unwilling to leave the notebook in Willow's grasp. Then she realized that if Willow wanted it, there was nothing she could do about it anyway. Cordelia let her hands drift off the cover and rest on the table. "Back in high school, my rule was to maintain deniability at all times. My crowd? You never leave blackmail material lying around."

"And now?" Willow gently asked. She placed her hand on Cordelia's shoulder and started to lightly stroke her fingers across Cordelia's shoulder and back, occasionally drifting along her neck.

Cordelia didn't hear the question. "What... what are you doing?" The gesture startled her more than Willow's sudden appearance behind her earlier. Willow's fingers were deceptively warm thanks to the cup of hot coffee and though not overtly sexual, the contact was more intimate than any they had ever shared before.

Willow smiled as Cordelia's muscles jumped then attempted to relax under her touch. She could hear Cordelia's pulse and breaths. She stilled her hand on Cordelia's shoulder, only letting her thumb continue stroking. "I'm trying to remember that we're friends." When Cordelia turned in her seat to look at her, a question filling her features, Willow relented more and crossed over to the chair beside Cordelia and sat down. Not willing to break total contact just yet, she took Cordelia's hand in her own and let them rest on the table. Cordelia's questioning face only deepened, so she tried to explain. "When vampires look at people, we don't feel anything. Well, that's not true. We feel hunger a lot. But what I mean is that we don't feel any connection with them. Even with each other. Buffy, Xander and I ... when we just look at each other, there's not much of anything. The connection is weak. But when we touch each other, it's back. We can remember our time together and feel it. So when I touch you, I remember."

Cordelia smiled despite the now receding spike of nervousness. "I hate to put a damper on your attempt to see me as something other than breakfast, but I'm no longer like the person you remember from back then."

Willow laughed: a sudden honest response. "Cordy, who is nowadays?"

Cordelia started to laugh herself. Her hand tightened briefly around Willow's. She took a deep breath as she calmed down and gave in to her desire for coffee. Easily slipping her hand from Willow's, she rose and crossed over to the kitchen, willingly leaving the notebook behind.

Willow stared again at the cover; the notebook so easily within reach. Her hand remained placid on the table. Instead, she pulled her eyes away and up to the loft.

Cordelia turned towards the table with her mug raised to her lips. She was surprised to find Willow wasn't pages into the journal yet. Instead, she followed Willow's glance up to the loft. "You know, and given all the freaky things that happened to us, especially recently, I'm about to say something relatively monumental: I never expected in a million years to see what obviously you three do now. I mean, in my snarkier moments in high school I was prepared to imply it, sure. But I never thought it would happen for real."

Willow's eyes fell back to Cordelia's. "And what is it exactly that we three do now?"

Cordelia fought to control her reaction to sputter and carefully swallowed her coffee. "You know..." Glancing up and seeing only an expectant blank look from Willow, she was forced to continue. "The three of you... only one bedroom. You can't make me believe there's three bunks up there, so that means only one bed. You're obviously sleeping together. The three of you. Lovers."

"Obviously." Willow kept the blank look, waiting.

"Aren't you?" Cordelia felt off balance, again, and averting her eyes, continued to drink her coffee.

"Yes." Willow readily supplied.

Cordelia's head snapped up. "Well, if you knew what I was saying and you knew it was true, why did you..."

"I just wanted to make you say it out loud." Willow cut in and finally broke the blank look with a grin.

"You're evil." Cordelia complained into another sip of coffee.

Willow softly laughed. "Well, yeah."

Cordelia smiled a little. "You know what I mean. Again." She felt she had given Willow quite enough time for indiscretion and returned to her seat at the table and the notebook.

Willow let the conversation thread end. She wasn't about to defend or explain what they were to each other now. "So, you know what happened to us. What happened to you?"

"I only know the ending of the Sunnydale side," Cordelia clarified. "You saw a little of what happened to me."

"I jumped in briefly in the middle," Willow reminded her. "I don't know how it got to that point or much of what happened after."

Cordelia stared into Willow's eyes. "Really? So you just dropped into L.A., no questions asked, major mojo in hand, kicked my ass, then went back as if nothing happened?"

"Well, things were a little crazy at home and there wasn't time to worry about why or how. As it was I had to sneak down there so Buffy wouldn't know." Willow caught and held Cordelia's eyes with her own. "Buffy doesn't know," she stressed. "So I barely had time to kick your ass and come back home."

Cordelia remembered that terrible time for a moment, the flashes and bits she could anyway. Small blessings: that these memories were just broken shards technically by another's hand. They cut just the same, though. "How could you know it was me? At the time, no-one knew I had anything to do with it."

Willow shrugged and smiled. "I didn't," she easily admitted. "Not then. Didn't care at the time who. As I said, no time to worry about that. Angel came up to Sunnydale just before our last battle with an amulet for Buffy. While he was there, he discreetly thanked me and gave me an update. That wasn't. Much of one that is. He's not one for details. Don't worry, I won't hold it against you. I'm the last one who should be judging people." 

"Yeah, when did you become so scary powerful, anyway?" Cordelia was suddenly reminded that Willow was a force before she became a vampire.

"Long story," Willow hedged. "But we were actually going to share yours."

"Equally long." Cordelia hoped she could put this off as she drained the last of the coffee in her cup.

Willow got up and took both their cups to the kitchen for refills. "It's daylight out. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well," Cordelia relented, "I guess you could say it started when the Powers That Be sent me a guide and offered me a choice..."

* * * 

Buffy stirred awake and stretched. Feeling only one other body next to her, she forced her eyes open and lifted up slightly to look through the window and down below. "Willow's downstairs," Buffy heard Xander's mumbled confirmation behind her. 

"Do you think she's figured out why Cordelia's here?" Buffy asked the still seemingly asleep lump as she turned to face him.

"I don't know." Xander opened his eye and smiled at the sight of the woman that lay in his bed, now. He'll never get over it or used to it, he guessed. Buffy. Hair slightly messed, relaxed, content, a slight smile arching her lips and softening the hard warrior look he had grown so used to into something he could only reference from his dreams, not his memories. "I wouldn't bet against her. Doesn't matter yet anyway."

"You were pretty hostile last night." Buffy started to stroke his messy longer hair into some semblance of order. "Are you still angry?"

"No, I wasn't angry. Just..." Xander still wasn't sure what he thought about Cordelia's sudden appearance into their lives.

"Just, what?" Buffy finished with his hair and shifted closer, trailing her hand down his chest and her foot along his leg.

"My Ex makes a sudden entrance into the home I share with not one but my two current lovers... I'm allowed to be worried." Xander started stroking Buffy's back and thigh, pulling and urging her closer.

Buffy smirked. "Actually, the two lovers in question are the ones allowed to worry and snark. You, I believe, are supposed to gloat." Buffy spread her body over Xander's and looked him in the eye. "I shouldn't be worried, should I?"

Xander briefly considered the absurdity of bluffing or teasing in this moment. Instead, the truth fell from his lips. "No."

"Didn't think so." Buffy arched up and back, sliding his cock inside her. Her head fell forward and she moaned. Immediately, Xander's hands caught her hips and thrusting once further into her, he rolled them both over. Xander braced himself over Buffy and started a bruising hard rhythm, forcing Buffy to arch and buck in return.

* * *

"Wait. Just wait a minute." Willow cut into Cordelia's story, raising her hand in surrender and disbelief. "I know you've only just begun but hold up. You're saying you gave up fame and wealth so you could pick up some demon part and keep having these terrible visions. For Angel."

"And innocent people. Helping, playing a role in saving people. More important than fame as it turns out." Cordelia was quick to defend herself.

"No. You sacrificed everything you ever wanted." Willow was quick to counter, staring into Cordelia's eyes. "There's only one reason someone does something like that." Willow reached over and clasped Cordelia's hand. "You were in love with Angel."

Cordelia pulled her hand from Willow's grasp. "You sacrificed your dreams for the greater good, staying in Sunnydale instead of going off to some big college." 

Willow smiled knowingly. "Wait for it..."

Cordelia's eyes opened a little wider in understanding and she sat back defeated in her chair. "You were in love with Buffy even then."

"Love's the only thing it could be, Cordy. Sacrificing yourself, sacrificing each other. It's always because of love." Willow tried again to start a connection. She reached forward for Cordelia's hand.

Cordelia clasped Willow's hand willingly and rested them on the table, remembering the explanation for the incessant contact. "Buffy doesn't know," she stressed.

"So it was returned?" Willow tried to keep the surprise out of her voice.

"It couldn't be returned. Curse, remember?" Cordelia couldn't believe she was confessing this, admitting this. But wasn't that what the sudden attempt at journal writing was about? 

"But it was reciprocated? Otherwise, he wouldn't be worried about the curse. Angel loved you, too..." Willow trailed off into her own thoughts.

"He was a Champion, and I... It was complicated, and denied, and..." Cordelia took a big breath and slowly let it out. "Yes."

* * * 

"God, Buffy, this feels so right." Xander paused for a moment, deep inside her, shuddering as he lay draped over her body. Whispered the confession in her ear.

"I know," Buffy whispered in return, her nails digging into his back, her thighs tightening around his hips, the slight arch of her back begging him to continue.

"You don't know! Can't..." Xander was caught, his gaze lost in the desire evident in Buffy's eyes. "If you could only know," he barely whispered.

"Know what, Xander?" Buffy smiled. He looked so young just now. Just for a moment. She forgave his stillness, enjoying the feeling and fullness of him resting inside her and reached up to stroke his hair. "Know what?"

Xander's confession was intense and suggestive in Buffy's ear. "It feels so right because I’ve imagined it so many times before." Xander arched back up over Buffy and began thrusting into her again. "It’s like it’s been happening all along."

Buffy's smile widened. "You've had fantasies. So... what? You're fucking a high school girl right now?" she teased him a little.

"No!" Xander glanced up and realized Buffy wasn't actually upset. He bent forward and kissed her hard, biting her bottom lip and sucking the blood. "It's just... It's like it was meant to be."

"Or at least for you, like it's always been." Buffy couldn't help but tease some more.

"Very funny." He was glad she wasn't mad. Life, or rather unlife was so open between them now. It wasn't just the physical he wanted to explore. He wanted to know their minds. Plus, there was the danger: the gunpowder of the past and the spark of their connection every time they connected like this, every time his memories collided with this present reality. It caused flash rages sometimes. He wanted to finally get to the truth of some of those memories.

"What about with Willow?" Buffy gave in to the increasing rhythm, moving with Xander, glad that the playful morning sex had started up again. But the fantasy thread was too intriguing to just drop. Besides, it was a conversation that went well with morning sex. "Does sex with Willow feel so right?"

Xander laughed a little when he realized the conversation would be continuing. "Yes. Yes, it feels right. You know what's really right? When I watch the both of you."

The only warning Xander had was the mischievous glint in Buffy's eyes. She suddenly rolled them both over and straddled him above, never breaking the stride of their movements. "And did any of these fantasies have me here?"

"Of course." Xander rested his hands on her hips and let her have all the control. "But you see now why you wouldn't know?"

Buffy smiled knowingly down at Xander and leaned in close. "Xander, I never said I never fantasized about you." She pulled back up at his shocked and goofy look. "Or Willow."

* * * 

"Cordy," Willow felt the need at this point in the story to bang her head down on the table, but resisted the urge. "You were a Power That Be?"

"No," Cordelia corrected, "not really, not technically."

"But you ascended," Willow tried to clarify.

"Yeah," Cordelia confirmed.

"And that didn't set off any warning bells?" Willow tried to keep the lilt of snark from her voice. She did.

"You know, new you sounds a lot like old me." Cordelia observed. She wasn't up to being too offended. She was too hurt, too tired. And Willow was right. She was played. They all were. That was the point of the story.

"Sorry." Willow couldn't feel it, didn't mean she couldn't remember to say it.

"Don't be." Cordelia waved it off. "Honesty. I remember I used to value it. Not from others, but still..." Cordelia grinned as high school memories played absurdly past the present. "I think it's one of the reasons I came here. No Games. No Goals. No Lies. I know if nothing else, you guys will at least be honest."

"Yeah, well, Cordy, in all honesty, I don't know what we'll be." Willow was suddenly reminded of the larger situation this morning. "This has been interesting, talking to you. Hearing the heartbeat and all. It's kinda cool and has been a while. And yeah, I keep connecting, so it's funny how we were getting to be friends, how we could'ah been friends. But the others... And, really, are you sure you want to be around any part of this?" 

Willow glanced up to the loft windows and Cordelia turned to look as well. They could see Buffy from mid waist and up, a controlled up and down rhythm swaying her breasts. Her hair was messy and raked back from her face with her fingers. She was smiling and occasionally saying something, eyes focused on the someone below her. Willow and Cordelia watched for a long moment before lowering their gaze back to each other and their conversation. 

Cordelia forestalled any further comments from Willow. "I know. Just, let me finish my story and maybe you'll start to understand."

* * *

Buffy's confession pulled Xander to the edge. Buffy increased her rhythm, tightened her muscles. She leaned down close and breathed deep his scent, a proprietary growl vibrated deep with approval. Morphing, Buffy sliced one of her fangs down the side of his neck and lapped the blood, licking her way to his ear. "Bite me, Xander. Feed from your Sire a little. I want you."

* * *

"You had sex with him!" Willow exclaimed.

"Oh goody, girl talk." Buffy descended the last stair and crossed the room to the kitchen area. "And coffee." Helping herself to a cup of coffee and facing the suddenly silent Willow and Cordelia, Buffy donned a cheap smile and directed her question to Cordelia. "Had sex with who?"

"Not Angel," Cordelia was quick to assure. Buffy's arrival into the middle of the story complicated things.

"Of course not," Buffy quipped and seated herself at the table. She noticed the continued silence. "I'm interrupting." 

Willow glanced at Cordelia and was surprised to see what looked like anger on her face. She realized Angel was going to come up sooner rather than later. Cordelia was grieving. Buffy couldn't. Willow stepped in before sooner became now. "It's just that it's been a long and complicated story. Um, hard to catch someone up." Willow looked up at the loft and noticed Xander wasn't up yet. "Is Xander still sleeping?"

Buffy smiled and pointed to the puncture marks on her neck. "Yeah, he's out for a while yet. We maybe got a little carried away."

Willow glanced again at Cordelia. "Buffy, how drained and hungry are you?"

Buffy simply laughed. "Don't worry. He didn't take that much. I can hold on till we go out."

Cordelia easily caught the gist of what they were talking about. "I have to tell ya, the sudden urge I have to hold both your hands is deeply disturbing."

Buffy cocked an eyebrow and smirked at Willow. "Have you two been holding hands? Aww, that's cute."

"Jealous?" Willow jokingly countered, smiling. "Can you hear her heartbeat? Strange, wild, huh?"

"Yeah." Buffy admitted. She cocked her head, closed her eyes and listened for a moment. "Odd to hear it in our home." She unconsciously licked her lips. 

"That's it!" Cordelia reached across the table with both hands. Her left hand grasped Willow's and her right hand took hold of Buffy's. She breathed deeply and held them tightly. "If you are both done scaring me."

Buffy turned her hand over so she could properly hold Cordelia's hand in her own and started to run her thumb over the back of Cordelia's hand. "Warm." At Cordelia's startled look, she smiled reassuringly. "We're done. Besides, I need more coffee." Buffy shook the empty mug for emphasis. As she rose from her seat and started towards the coffee pot, she added, "plus I still want to know who you slept with."

Willow squeezed Cordelia's hand in reassurance. "It won't make sense, Buffy."

Buffy faced them again as before from behind the kitchen counter. Drinking her coffee, she considered the situation. "I know you started without me. I trust you. You can't cliff note me in? Or you want me out?"

Willow was quick to protest. "Buffy, no. It's just..."

"Sit down, Buffy." Cordelia interrupted. She got up from the table to get more coffee herself, passing Buffy on the way. "Should I just start the story over again, Willow?"

"Buffy," Willow deferred. 

"Cliff notes got me this far in life," Buffy assured everyone. She smiled and made a continue gesture to Willow. When Cordelia sat down at the table again, Buffy took Cordelia's hand in her own. "We haven't always been friends. We haven't really been enemies. But one thing I've always been is the Slayer. And strange as it may sound: still am, still there, still me. So Cordy, just like Willow, I need to understand why you're here."

"And Xander?" Cordelia nodded toward the loft. "Shouldn't we wake Xander so he can hear the explanation as well?" Cordelia yanked her hand back and stood up. She started to pace. She almost started to cry, but quickly wiped the tears with the palms of her hands and willed no more to come. "I don't even really understand it myself yet. But I lost everyone I loved. I lost everything I had. I was used up and left for dead. And was brought back if I promised to do one last thing." Cordelia stopped pacing and looked straight into Buffy's eyes. "And I swear, I only did it to save him."

"Angel," Buffy needlessly confirmed.

"Yes." Cordelia continued her pacing. "You're all I have left. You guys are the only ones who could possibly understand. If you need more back story than that, then I'll tell the tale. But I can only tell it once. So if Xander needs to hear this..."

"Xander didn't seem that curious. Or interested at all." Buffy supplied. "I'm not sure what he thinks yet." Buffy and Willow exchanged looks. A fact that didn't go unnoticed by Cordelia.

"Cordy, there's not just us. There's a whole bunch of little slayers." Buffy felt she should give Cordelia the best option, even if it meant erasing her mind a little.

"No!" That got Cordelia to stop her pacing for a moment. The moment gone, the movement continued on. "They work, say they work, try to work for the Powers That Be. That's who did this to me." She stopped again and simply leaned against the island counter, letting it hold her up. "I don't want to fight. I don't want the fight. It's done. I'm done. I don't care anymore. Both sides are evil."

"Okay..." Buffy looked at Willow. "That's funny; Willow keeps insisting we're not. My world keeps getting screwier all the time." 

"Willow, please, just start the cliff notes." Cordelia was losing her nerve, losing hope, was too tired to have much energy and didn't come with any faith left, so mostly she just wanted to get this over with.

"All the bits?" Willow knew the Angel parts were volatile but relevant. In Cordelia's weakened state, she would probably agree to let them come out now. They would come out. Soon, in her grief hazed condition.

"Yes, anything, everything." Cordelia launched herself from her perch against the island counter to start the comfort of pacing again, this time harder. Her hands covered her face, hiding her reactions and with any luck preventing any tears.

"Well, you could say that The Powers That Be literally played chess with Angel, Cordy and everyone. Manipulated them as if they were pawns to get what they wanted." Willow started by way of introduction.

"Wait, didn't we have that discussion once?" Buffy cut in. "You said there was no-one playing chess in the sky. That the Powers weren't Gods, didn't betray us, couldn't stop this from happening."

"Buffy," Willow attempted to clarify; knowing more of Cordelia's story and also remembering the earlier conversation Buffy was referencing, "but there are those that believe they are gods, yes? We fought two of them. And from what I heard so far of Cordy's story, yes, even the ones that say they are on the side of good can betray us."

A snort from Cordelia's direction brought Willow's and Buffy's attention to the still pacing young woman. "Ain't that the truth."

Willow smiled and took Buffy's hand in her own. "Let me catch you up real quick then we can both hear the rest of the story, okay?"

* * *

Cordelia ended the story seated at the table, her arms crossed protectively over her chest not much caring if they saw her as anything but breakfast anymore. She didn’t even have any tears left. It all came out eventually, cliff notes be damned. 

Buffy leaned back in her chair. “So we unleash ultimate evil personified into the world; you guys unleash ultimate good; and it turns out there isn’t much of a difference?”

Cordelia stared blankly at the opposite wall, letting the out of focus slide show of memories filter through her thoughts. “There’s a slight difference. I was left kinda aware of everything going on. The connection to Jasmine I guess. There was peace, love and harmony. It was strange, watching L.A. get along with each other. But if you didn’t fall in line…” Cordelia returned her focus to Buffy’s apparent indifference. “We all lost our faith after that. I at least came back to help Angel find his faith in himself. Then you know the rest. Final battles fought. The doors slammed shut. And we live happily ever after.” 

Buffy shrugged. “I am pretty happy, Cordy. And relieved as hell to be done with it.”

“I know,” Cordelia emphasized, empathized. She let her arms uncross to rest on her lap. She truly relaxed, finally, letting her head lay back and stared unseeing at the ceiling as the clarity of mind she had been searching for settled and formed: the tempest inside dying. “That’s why I chose to come here. When they showed me how everything stood now, they probably believed that I would go running to the new slayers with the information they gave me about you. It might have been their intent. But I mean it, I’m done. I just want to start my life over. But it’s not like I can just pretend that none of this exists or that everything that’s happened, didn’t.” Cordelia lowered her head and smiled a little. “I don’t want to be a vampire. And I guess I don’t want to be dead. I just want a second chance at a life after. I thought you guys might understand,” Cordelia trailed off and waited.

“Okay,” Buffy stated into the ensuing silence.

“Okay?” Willow hinted for further explanation. She suspected, after hearing the story, the previous night’s decision remained unchanged. At least, to her mind it had. Still, she preferred to hear the reasoning out loud.

“Cordelia can stay,” Buffy briefly elaborated and reaffirmed the position she had held last night. Seeing the continue hand gesture Willow was giving her, she gave in. “She could have ran to the slayers and told them all about us, but she didn’t. We wouldn’t have ever known if she had. She tried to get out of the life once and it just sucked her back in. And might have again if she didn’t run here. If we deserve a happily ever after, than so does she.”

“I agree,” Xander joined in. Everyone turned or looked up to find him sitting on the bottom step in the far corner of the room. He rose and approached the kitchen table.

“You agree?” Buffy voice held the tone of surprise.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Willow questioned at the same time.

Xander stood between Buffy and Willow and watched Cordelia. “Since good was evil,” Xander confessed. “My life was turned inside out but there’s one thing to be said for it: I’m free. And for that, I guess I’m grateful. Cordy chose freedom. I guess we should let her see where it takes her.”

“Okay,” Willow repeated.

“That’s it?” Cordelia leaned forward and rested her arms on the table. “Just like that?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Willow suggested.

“Yes, but…” Cordelia exhaled with relief. The struggle, it would seem, was finally over. “I’m surprised, I guess. And… not sure what to do now.”

“You’ll stay with us,” Xander stated.

Willow glanced up to the loft. Buffy and Cordelia each noticed where Willow’s eyes went and what Xander might be inferring. 

“No!” Buffy and Cordelia exclaimed at the same time.

Xander laughed. “That was Willow’s dirty mind, not mine. Like Buffy suggested last night, I’ll just build a bedroom and bathroom underneath the loft.”

“Probably a good idea,” Buffy smirked. 

“Thank you,” Cordelia offered. “It feels cliché and inadequate, but thank you…” Cordelia shook her head slightly in wonder. This felt like kindness. A feeling unfamiliar, foreign, and unexpected. A feeling she couldn’t recall the last time was present in her life.

“The sun’s set,” Willow noticed. “We all need to eat. Even Cordelia I imagine. We don’t even have microwave popcorn here.”

“Also probably a good idea. The heartbeat’s beginning to drive me crazy,” Buffy teased.

“After you, ladies,” Xander presented the door with a sweeping gesture. Second chances, freedom and a night just begun.

 

* * * 

Willow led Cordelia to the main door of a large diner off Railroad. "I hope this is okay. It always seems pretty popular, so the food is probably pretty good. And it's a good, central location."

"Center of your feeding grounds," Cordelia clarified, further punctuating the remark with a sweeping gesture at the mass of young people on their way to the restaurants, shops and clubs in the area. 

Willow laughed. "That'd be boring, like eating at the same restaurant over and over again." Willow smiled at Cordelia's reaction. "I've shocked you again."

"Yeah, a little," Cordelia admitted. "I think I have it in my head. I think I know, you know? But then..." She shook her head and leaned against the wall.

"You just need some food." Willow thought about what she just said. "Okay, that's a stupid saying. But food will help." She smiled again as Cordelia rolled her eyes. "This is central because it's just down the hill from our place, so it's where we split up and meet up. Well, usually, it's actually a club nearby we use. But you don't want to go there just yet. We don't always split up. Sometimes we hunt together. That's actually a, ah, crazier time than not. Usually, though, we just kinda go our separate ways. Xander likes to roam around the city. The whole city is his, I think. Feeding ground and otherwise." Willow paused, looked around, looked anywhere but at Cordelia at the moment. "But here as well of course. For a quick bite." She abruptly turned back to Cordelia and pulled some cash out of her pocket. Handing the money over to Cordelia, she gestured towards the door. "The place doesn't close, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Thank you." Cordelia took the cash and started for the door, her mind numb, Willow's ramblings echoing dimly. Willow's hand halted her progress.

"You have your notebook with you." Willow's mind jumped to a list of more things to cover. "Good. Cause, I'm not sure how long we'll be. I mean, of course we'll be back before dawn. And I'm sure some of us will be back well before dawn. And we don't have to wait for all of us to be back. But, still, I'm not sure how long we'll be. Plus, we have to get you some new clothes. Probably not tonight. Maybe tomorrow, you can take the car and go shopping. And food, in the kitchen. Something other than coffee. That'll be strange. The kitchen actually being used. Buffy will like that."

Cordelia placed her hand on Willow's arm in an attempt to stop the flow of rambling. "Willow. Thank you. All that sounds great. But as you said, first I just need some food. We can deal with all that tomorrow, right? And I'll be fine. Right here."

"Okay then," Willow started away, "I'm usually the first done. I'll come back."

Cordelia smiled and sighed then entered the stylishly themed diner. What name did she see on the sign? The Horseshoe Cafe. Open 24 hours. Luckily, it looked like it was more diner than theme. Settling herself in a booth, she forced herself to eat, trying to remember the last time she had eaten. It was something she couldn't quite recall. It didn't matter. She was surprised to be eating food tonight at all. She had been expecting dead or undead, those few times she was self aware enough to be expecting anything at all. The desire to stay with them was a reaction without thought or meaning. That it was granted was absurd. She was alive again and after everything that happened. The fact that she was eating betrayed that. She was alive. And she had a home. And the best part was that none of that had to mean anything anymore. There was no destiny, or fight, or purpose to any of it. She had no idea how she was going to fit in to this new home but for whatever reason they let her in. They let her in. So she would let them be. And given this chance, see who she could become.

* * *

Willow made her way past the crowds to the quieter streets that led down the hill and towards the bay. Her favorite hunting ground. When she reached the bottom, the crowds were gone, the street lights were few and the quiet night was hers. First, this throbbing hunger. Instead of the usual left onto the public path that lined the bay, Willow turned right onto the road that would lead her into the section that held the working docks, the big commercial docks. Freight, fish, any cargo- legal and not passed through here. The bulk freight was redistributed and loaded onto trucks or train cars. The fish to the cannery or frozen, then sent out. Real working docks. All day and night. Constant, busy, distracted. Easy. Shadows pot marked the area as flood lights only centered on the working zones. Willow didn't have long to wait until one of her favorite prey crossed near. He was a sailor, a freight hand. He spent months out at sea at a time and only days on shore. His gait was awkward and Willow took advantage as she swung him around quickly and kicked his knee, sending him down to a more manageable height; to take him from behind. He had some fire, some strength, surprised her and pulled her around to face him; tried to fight back. Smiling, Willow easily regained control, pinned his arms to his body and forced him back on his knees. She watched him take in her yellow eyes, the ridges on her brow, the fangs cruelly revealed with a smile. She could smell the fear then, overpowering everything else: the anger, the sweat, the sea. Willow was sure there wasn't much he feared and she was silently pleased that she was one of those things. Before blind panic started, Willow bent forward and bit down forcefully onto his neck, holding him in place. His blood thrust into her and she opened herself to it. 

* * *

Xander started immediately for downtown. A play was starting soon at the local theater. Couples were strolling toward the theater from the underground parking area. Finely dressed for a not so casual evening. Keeping up appearances. These people were just pretending. Suddenly the whole world seemed to be just pretending some meaning. Good guys, bad guys: they were all the same. Just some beings trying to control. Just some people trying to be better than others. Xander slipped down into the underground parking area. He watched a younger couple get out of a slick black Mercedes and start to make their way up to the theater. It was with practiced ease that he subdued and drained them within the shadows of empty cars. Tasted the wine they had with dinner.

* * *

Buffy wandered slowly down Railroad Ave. till she reached the bus/train station at the end. The nights were getting shorter now. This night could almost be considered warm. Still, she was less dressed than any of the other pedestrians. The simple tank top and low hip jeans she wore garnering open stares. She enjoyed the attention. Buffy leaned against the bus stop cover and waited. A bus arrived. The usual transfer of people off then on happened. One of the young men exiting the bus strayed behind as the others quickly journeyed to their destinations. He zipped up his leather jacket as his eyes openly leered over her. He waited as well; for the bus to pull away, for the others to pass by. Buffy smiled. She was hoping someone would make the choice for her. When they were alone, he approached; slowly, trying to appear casual and friendly. But the steal of his stare and the increased heartbeat she could hear gave him away. 

“Aren’t you cold?” he quipped. His gaze traversed over her body again.

“Yes,” Buffy replied and to prove it, she graced her hand lightly over his own.

He pulled back his hand then recovered himself. Attempting to sound suave but coming across as vaguely menacing, he made the offer she knew was coming next. “Why don’t you come back with me to my place and I’ll warm you up.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and simply started to walk away. 

“Hey you bitch! What the fuck! I’m talking to you. Don’t you dare just walk away from me.” His voice was truly menacing now, low and instantly angry. 

This was where the women usually made the mistake of stopping and turning around, ready to argue back until he simply took what he wanted from them. This was when Buffy knew he would follow. She had lured many a vampire to their final death this way. She picked up the pace just enough that he had to hurry to catch up. Her retreat spiked his anger past control and he rushed upon her. Buffy easily caught his lunge and tossed him against one of the parked cars. Stunned, he flailed wildly at her as she slipped in and held him close. He blanched at her ridged form, her yellow eyes. Buffy smiled and bent forward slipping her fangs into his neck. When it was done, she couldn’t help thinking she was indeed warmer now. The immediate hunger abated, Buffy started back down Railroad Ave. to the more populated area of town.

* * *

Willow walked up the hill and over onto the college campus. She missed school. Found herself regretting that she never had the chance to get a college degree. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She had the chance, back in high school. All the top colleges wanted her, would accept her. She chose to stay in Sunnydale. From that choice on, what was chance and what was fate, she could never really sort out. She admitted her acceptance of a darker power into her soul was her doing. But the rest… no amount of meditating at the Devon Coven could help her sort and catalog all the events that led up to Buffy’s death. No amount of puzzling could untangle the knots in the web connecting her life with Buffy and Xander. During her recovery, she realized but never told the Coven members, it was always love. Love was the motivation, the rationalization, the intention. Love and chaos trump plans and fate every time, no matter what the myths say. Willow smiled, mentally setting aside the tired rhetoric in her mind. She should take a mythology class. The nights were getting too short now she realized to take actual night classes. But she could take college courses online. Maybe even finally get a degree, or two. She reminded herself she had all the time in the world. Her new thoughts lightened her step and Willow started paying more attention to the campus life around her. She pulled a coin out of her pocket and started to flip it absently.

* * *

Xander left the downtown area for the more residential part of town. Not the mansions by the water, but the collection of smaller homes up the hill. The old part of Bellingham, peeling paint, half wanted junk in the yard. He listened to their TV’s and radios. Could smell what was left of dinners. Bare life frosted over underlying rust and decay. Shouting inside a nearby house caught Xander’s attention. He knew this one-sided berating. Remembered it well, still. “You no good, ungrateful, selfish…” It went on and on. He heard the violence, the crying. Xander slipped carefully to the house and peeked inside. The boy was no more than ten years old he guessed. The father, stumbling in his drunken state still managed to land his fist over the boy’s back and shoulders. Then the front door burst open. The boy, running out and down the front steps. The father, yelling at him to get back inside. Xander watched the boy pause for a moment before he decided to take off down the street. To a friend’s house he supposed. Xander watched as the father awkwardly made it down the front steps, quieter now that he was outside and possibly in view of the neighbors, seething in wrath at the boy’s retreating form. Xander didn’t even think about it. He moved silently behind the man and with all his strength brought the man’s head down onto one of the steps. The blood pooled quickly. He growled at the scent: copper and earthy. Tainted. Let it stain this place like all the other symbols he’d seen painted in blood. Xander quickly left the neighborhood, running off the surge of anger and away from the memories.

* * *

Buffy felt aimless tonight and tired. Cordelia entering their lives kept surfacing in her thoughts. Since nothing else was engaging her, Buffy returned to the Horseshoe Café. She found Cordelia in a booth near the back and sat down across from her. 

“You’re done early,” Cordelia wondered at Buffy’s unexpected presence.

Buffy shrugged. “Not that hungry tonight I guess. I did feed on some asshole, probably a rapist, so I guess I did my civic duty for the night.”

“You still do that? The civic duty thing I mean.” Cordelia closed her journal and settled in for the potentially unsettling conversation to come.

“No.” Buffy looked into Cordelia’s eyes willing her to understand the blunt truth.

Cordelia nodded her head. “Well, thank you anyway, I guess.”

Buffy let the conversation lull. She wasn’t trying to make Cordelia nervous. She was waiting for the real question she needed to ask to form firmly in her mind. “Cordy…”

Cordelia willed herself to look into Buffy’s eyes. She was actually glad one of them was with her again. Relieved in a way that it was Buffy. Ironically, they had the most to sort out if there was to be a life together. Out of the four, they had the least past, the most superficial contact, yet the greatest entanglement: Angel. 

“Did you tell Angel what happened to us, what I’ve become?” Buffy continued.

“No.” Cordelia was quick to reaffirm. “I went from coma girl who didn’t know, to appearing to Angel; for one last pep talk, one last fount of information, but not that information; to supposedly dead girl. They kept me in some kind of limbo after that. That’s when I saw the end of everything. Sunnydale. Angel. Everything after. It was like video they ran for me. Some bad B rate movie. Then they just dropped me here when I made my decision.”

Buffy nodded as she accepted the answer. “And Angel’s gone? He died a hero? He’s free?”

“Yes,” Cordelia quietly confirmed. She kept her eyes on Buffy. Waited while a passing waitress asked if she could get her anything. Hid her surprise when Buffy asked for a beer.

“You were, are, in love with him?” Buffy’s voice was warm, subdued.

“Yes.” Cordelia didn’t try to fight it or hide it.

The waitress interrupted again by placing the beer down and belatedly asking to see Buffy’s ID. Buffy smiled as she produced the driver’s license from her pocket. After scanning the card, the waitress smiled, handed back the license and walked away.

“How did…” Cordelia didn’t think Buffy was any older than herself.

“Willow,” Buffy offered with a smile. “Did you want one?”

“No thanks,” Cordelia shook her head. “I’ll probably get drunk as a skunk later if you have any at your place.”

“The hard stuff,” Buffy confirmed. “We have a fully stocked bar. Help yourself. It’s your place now too.”

Cordelia nodded thoughtfully. “Do you still love Angel? Can you still feel love at all?”

Buffy stalled by taking a few pulls of the beer. “I can remember feeling love for Angel. Still feel it a little, so it must be pretty strong. We love, Cordy. Just… to feel that connection usually means we have to be touching each other as well. We need the physical connection. And there’s no simple love of humanity. No greater spiritual love. No connection like that at all.”

“Actually sounds nice right now,” Cordelia sighed. “I wish I didn’t feel all this.”

“I’m glad someone’s able to grieve,” Buffy confessed. “He deserves that.”

An almost comfortable silence of acknowledgement followed. 

“So, what’s with the book I keep seeing with you now?” Buffy broke in after the moment, taking another sip of beer.

“It’s just for me. To help me sort my life before. To remember…I guess to remember the people I love. I swear. Here.” Cordelia slid the offending journal across the table to Buffy.

Buffy smiled and slid it back. “I kept a diary once. Writing things down… it can help.”

Cordelia let out a sigh of relief and took the journal back. “It’s better than everything spinning over and over again in my head. Though, it feels like that won’t really stop.”

“It won’t.” Buffy confirmed. “But it could be worse. You could have actually died before you were here. You could be trying to remember Heaven.”

The suggestion took Cordelia out of her own troubled past for a moment. She’d heard the rumors, the bits of information that passed if not flowed between the two groups. Buffy had been in Heaven before she was pulled back here. With all the events going on in her own life at the time, she never really thought much on it. Couldn’t ponder much of it now. “I don’t think I’ll ever be seeing Heaven,” Cordelia mentally slammed the door on the whole idea. “With what the good guys turned out to be I don’t know if there really is such a place, anyway.”

“There is,” Buffy confirmed. “It might not be what we think or where we think. And it probably has nothing to do with God. But it’s there, somewhere. Something we’ve named Heaven.”

“That’s good. I guess.” Cordelia didn’t want to think about any of this right now.

“You’ll probably be going shopping tomorrow, right? For clothes and stuff?” Buffy relaxed into the booth, leaning against the side. All appearance of the previous topic gone.

“Yeah, probably,” Cordelia cautiously confirmed.

“Well, since you’re now our appointed daytime liaison, would you pick out some clothes for me? This Walmart stuff is just awful and evil.”

Cordelia’s laugh released much of her nervous energy. “I’d be happy to. I won’t even remark on how long I’ve been wanting to choose your outfits for you.”

“Cordelia…” Buffy voice carried a tone of warning.

Cordelia just smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll be trying not to piss you guys off for at least a few days. Seriously, give me some kind of list and I’ll see what I can find for ya.”

“Thanks.” Buffy half smiled. “We’ll start with some proper underwear.”

* * *

Willow continued around the campus. She was no longer hunting. Simply thinking. Cordelia would need her own means, her own money if she was to help them with this semi-human life they’ve chosen. She’s felt semi-human for many years now. Like Buffy, she supposed. Except without the anchor of a calling. Or minus the ball and chain was another way to think of it. Maybe that was the reason… She stopped her mind there. The weight of those years was off her shoulders now. She really had to get out of the habit of analyzing it over and over for answers. It didn’t matter anymore. They’ve been given a fresh start. She chuckled to herself at the absurdity of that phrase for this situation. The thought brought her mind back to the problem of giving Cordelia means. It would also give her opportunity. But she’d already had the opportunity. She stopped abruptly when it occurred to her that she trusted Cordelia. She trusted her. She could remember before: Angel’s group in L.A. and Buffy’s in Sunnydale. Cordelia and herself were the lines of communication between the two. It was far less volatile than Angel and Buffy, or Xander and anyone. It had even started to become easy, with bits of gossip and how are yous thrown in. Willow shook her head and let the memories recede. She paused to flip the coin a few times, watching the outcomes. So maybe there wasn’t any grand reason to the universe or for everything that happens. There still seemed to be connections; series of events that would turn flaming hatred into budding friendship into enough of a reason for Cordelia to choose them and for them to accept Cordelia. And no matter how tragic the event or how well planned the escape, these connections were stronger. Willow started walking again by changing directions and heading down to the path by the sea.

* * *

Xander found himself back down the hill and near the bus/train station. He slowed to a stop and leaned against the wall of a deserted warehouse. The silence inside the buildings around him helped to calm his mind. His previous sudden stormy rage just as quickly dissipated. The howl of the night was now a low deep purr. The raving call he felt, the craving empty need, was dimmed. Not gone, just… He suspected it was Buffy, his Sire’s blood, the mystical mix unique in this world. She couldn’t let him go when he was human. She did give him free will as a vampire. Maybe that was why he so readily accepted Cordelia into their home. After the shock wore off. After feeling all the memories that flooded back that morning. After hearing the end of her story. And after realizing Buffy and Willow were going to say she could stay. He may have free will in the night but he still had little choice. Still, there was a sense of freedom and permission. There was no calling compelling any of them anymore. No higher duty. He certainly didn’t have to worry about their falling to the darkness that they fought. He didn’t have to fight their demons any longer. Freedom was nothing left to lose according to the song. They’ve all been through enough that he could give Cordelia that place of freedom as well. The faint muffled sound of struggling pulled his attention. Xander walked slowly over to the mouth of a nearby alley to investigate.

Xander turned into the alley and found the cause of the sound. There were three vampires and one young street kid. With those odds, he found it strange he heard anything at all. Then he noticed they were tossing the kid between them like it was some kind of schoolyard game.

“Why don’t you let the kid go?” Xander suggested, surprising them.

“Who the hell are you?” the vampire in the center shouted, pulling the kid closer and in front of him as a shield.

Xander shrugged. “No one.”

“Then why should I let him go?” the vampire continued.

Xander walked closer and let his vampire features show. “Because he’s just a kid.”

“And you’re what? Some kind of good vampire?” The center vampire was clearly the leader. He didn’t act intimidated. The other two were less certain and kept glancing between Xander and their leader.

“I’m no Angel,” Xander smirked. He regretted that the humor, maybe even irony, was lost.

The vampire twisted the kid’s head, snapping his neck, and let him drop to the ground. “He was too filthy to eat anyway.”

Xander shook his head but made no move to interfere or even show a reaction. He instead took the time to size up the leader. He was older, well dressed, calm and confident. Probably some big hot shot business man when he was human. Xander could almost see the words ‘executive sales’ stenciled on the business cards of his previous life. Maybe having got himself into this mess he could simply talk himself out of it.

“You’re one of the new ones aren’t you? You and the two hotties I’ve seen in the club,” the vampire approached Xander, pausing just out of reach.

“I’m new,” Xander confirmed. “Just trying to settle down somewhere.”

“Name’s Alec Rollins. And I’m gonna make you an unbelievably great offer right now,” the vampire continued. “You’re new here, so you might not know. Reyes is the master vampire in this city. Complacent bastard. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going down. I’m going to offer you the chance to join us. We’ll have the whole city.”

Xander laughed. “The city? That’s your grand plan?” Seeing the look of anger rise to the vampire’s features, Xander let his laughter die and waved him off. “Sorry. It’s just I’m used to hearing ‘bring the old ones back’, or ‘hell on earth’. Look, I wish you all luck with that, but I’m gonna have to say no.”

“Don’t be too hasty,” the vampire took a step closer. The other two moved to flanking positions. “You have balls. I like that. I’m offering you power, money, a management position in what will be a city wide operation. What have you got now? Two women to take care of that are probably more trouble than they’re worth?”

Xander laughed again. He couldn’t help it. “Trouble, yes, you have no idea. But definitely worth.” He tried to sober himself, acknowledge the situation. “You seem like a smart man. If you’re really experienced enough to run this city, then you’ll hear what I’m about to say. Leave me and mine alone. You think I have balls? You should see the set on those women. Just let us be.”

They were at the standoff point in the conversation. Xander wasn’t really worried. He didn’t carry a weapon any more, but he didn’t think it mattered. That fact must have been conveyed. He watched as the vampire nodded to the others and they walked out of the alley, giving Xander as wide a berth as possible.

“Just don’t get in my way again,” the vampire tossed out as he was leaving.

Xander turned and left as well. Freedom. Well, he was almost free. He realized he wouldn’t give up Buffy and Willow for anything. Not for position or power. And there was no longer the need to consume the world or watch it consumed. They were his only real need now. And the chance to give Cordelia the freedom of her own life felt like a bonus.

* * *

“Rupert, you’ve been staring at that single page for an hour now.” Jenny walked over to stand just behind where he was seated and started to rub his slouched and tense shoulders. “Is it code that holds the key?” She looked over his shoulder to read the seemingly innocuous journal for herself.

Giles removed his glasses and tossed them onto the desk. He leaned back into Jenny’s ministrations. “I’d take code over such a poor translation any day. In these journals of Marcus the Mad Monk are the findings to an ambitious experiment. Marcus held that it would be possible to return the souls of vampires. He sought to do this not as an act of vengeance, but to allow for the possibility of redemption. He believed that since the damned were so out of no blame of their own but of another’s doing, then using magics to this end would be righteous.” Giles took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders. “That’s not really here nor there. I just want to know how he did it. Rumors have implied that he was successful. But this translation I was able to find is rubbish. The translator either believed Marcus to be truly mad and so created a tale of folly, or thought vampires to be only myth and so kept trying to form some metaphorical meaning. Or both.”

Jenny crossed over to the desk and sat back against it, facing Giles. “I don’t think returning their souls is the answer. There’s a reason my people used it as a curse.”

“And with you here back in my life I can’t kill them,” Giles bluntly admitted. “This is just a way to occupy my mind for the moment,” he tried to dismiss the impending moral dilemma.

“Then I have a better idea,” Jenny leaned forward a little. “Let’s go out.”

“It’s dark. Are you sure you’re ready?” Giles took one of Jenny’s hands gently in his own.

“Are you?” Jenny countered. She squeezed his hand and smiled. “I know what I said, but it’s time. It’s probably past time. I don’t want to search for them. I’m just feeling antsy tonight. I was thinking we could go to that blues club down on Holly St. by Railroad. I was thinking, maybe in the midst of all this,” she nodded her head towards the desk top full of research, “I could start living.”

Giles smiled. “As you wish.”

“Oh, I love that movie,” Jenny exclaimed as she started for the door.

“What movie?” Giles shut the journal, retrieved his glasses and followed.

* * *

Willow walked along the trail by the bay back towards the city. When she came across an easy path down to the water, she absently crossed the rocky beach to the lapping waves. It was low tide and the full scent of the ocean surrounded her, the rhythmic hush of gentle waves caressed her mind. She placed her hands in the water and let the magic within her reach out to the depths of the dark sea. A pulse of great power returned to her in the same rhythm as the waves. It was a swirling pool of potential; a dark catalyst of possibilities. Unknown and unformed. Willow started to imagine elaborate magics that could shield them from detection. She began to devise a way to replace Xander’s eye. She pulled the power to her promising to continue to fix everything in the wake of what had happened. The vast source filled her. It filled her with yearning. 

‘Why are you here?’ She heard her own voice intrude inside her mind.

‘To…to feel this.’ Willow stuttered an answer in thought, surprised.

‘This?’ The voice was her own inside her own mind, the origin of the thought was not. 

‘The connection to you, your power. If…if that’s okay.’ Willow thought back a little more reverently. She never expected a conscious aspect to the source. The earth never gave her this kind of feedback before.

‘I call to you?’ It continued.

‘Well, yes,’ Willow tried to explain, ‘it’s a calling I guess. I tap into something greater than myself and I can change things, fix things, make them better. I don’t want to do anything now. I just need to know I can. I just need to feel this.’

‘Strange.’ The voice continued.

‘Why?’ Willow was too curious and the question entered her mind before she could think it may be presumptuous. 

‘That you would hear my call and for such purpose.’ The voice trailed off in wonder in Willow’s mind.

‘Why? Who usually hears your call?’ Willow impulsively asked even as she mentally kicked herself. She instantly berated herself to stop with the interrogation before He? She?...It got angry. Then prayed these thoughts were somehow shielded.

‘Sailors. There are still sailors who hear my call.’ The voice paused, hummed in her mind for a moment. ‘You are different. Old. A faint trace of something I haven’t felt since I swallowed Atlantis.’

Willow puzzled that for a moment. The waves still pulsed the connection: low, cold and calm. ‘Am I unwelcome?’

‘No.’ The voice replied calmly. ‘Are you unwarranted?’ It asked in return.

Just as Willow was trying to form a reply or question, she felt the connection withdraw on its own. She rose to her feet, a little frustrated and off balance. The borrowed power was ebbing away. She felt the pull to return to that source and felt angry that some ‘thing’ had cut her from it. She recoiled from the anger. Turning, she scrambled quickly across the rocky shore and up the small bank to the pathway above. This, this she remembered. That loss, that hole, that need, just fill it, keep it full. But you can’t fill a sieve. Her need. Her own need was the only need now. There was no greater fight, no greater good from this. Willow turned and looked out over the water. Calm in the low tide, deceptively peaceful, it still called to her as if with a crashing gale roar. She let her borrowed power ebb and leak and finally drain back to the earth just as the waves leave the last of their selves at the shore. Frustrated and still angry, now mostly at herself; Willow started back to return to the city. Maybe she could find Buffy or Xander and join them before dawn.

* * *

Buffy and Cordelia contented themselves with small talk. Why they ended up picking a small city in the Northwest. What the town was like, at least what they could tell by night. The people. The differences and similarities. A simple conversation that let Cordelia settle her mind on where she was now rather than the past events. Begin the orientation process. A safe topic. Cordelia relaxed finally into the booth seat, sipping her soda occasionally and pleasantly full though half her food remained untouched on her plate. Buffy was on her second beer and also seemingly relaxed. Born and raised in California, her observations of her new home were sometimes accompanied with sarcasm, disbelief and even outright laughter. She kept it all upbeat and positive. She liked it here, this fresh start. She tried to convey that feeling to Cordelia. But the humans around her in the diner kept nagging a thirst the beer couldn’t quench; their heartbeats constant in her ear and calling to her. “Cordy,” Buffy broke into a lull in the conversation, “I’m feeling a bit peckish as Spike used to say. I’m just gonna step outside for a moment. I’ll be right back.”

Before Cordelia could even form a reply, Buffy left the booth and the diner. Back out into the night and the dark streets, she smiled. She didn’t want to go far and looking just down the road she spotted the blues club that Xander always liked. Why it was named Wild Buffalo here in the Northwest she could never figure out, but it had a steady booking of good live bands providing a wide mix of young people around, distraction and music loud enough to cover any startled protests or screams. Buffy headed to the club, easily separated a young man from the rest of his group taking a ‘smoke a joint’ break and lead him further back around the side of the building. It didn’t take long, she walked back around the back of the building so she wouldn’t pass by the group again and returned to the diner feeling much better.

Buffy slid back into the booth, startling Cordelia. “Sorry.” She grinned. 

“I don’t think you are,” Cordelia observed. She waved it off. “Just something I have to get used again.”

“There’s a lot you’ll have to get used to if you live around us, Cordy. It’s not gonna be like living with Angel.” Buffy giggled. “Whoa, I may be a little high.”

Cordelia sat up straighter in her seat. “High? As in stoned? You went out to get stoned?”

“No,” Buffy explained, “the guy I ate, he was smoking pot. It’s like a contact high. It’ll pass soon. Cool though.” Her grin was goofy and infectious. 

Cordelia shook her head. “I remember in High School, at that party I had to drag you to, by the way, you didn’t even want to drink. Now here you are with a beer and a contact high is cool.”

“You mean the party where they drugged our drinks and then tried to offer us to their snake?” Buffy made sure she emphasized ‘snake’ properly.

“Okay, yeah, probably a bad example,” Cordelia conceded. 

Buffy happily waved her off before she could continue. “All in the past, Cordy. And hey, brings me back to my point, everything’s changed. And yes, especially the obvious. But I mean living with us, around us, will be very very different from what you’re used to. I’m not sure you’ll be able to deal with it. And we’re not gonna change it. Not in our own home. And thinking about it a little bit tonight as we were talking, I’m not sure you should deal with it. With us. Being around us.”

Cordelia was overwhelmed. She felt like she was at square one. She felt like crying but there was just nothing left. “Buffy, please, please don’t kick me out. Not now when I just got used to the idea of having a place to be.”

“I’m not kicking you out, Cordelia,” Buffy reassured her. “I’m just wondering if you know what you’re in for?”

Cordelia lowered her voice. “Well I know you’re vampires. And yes, I know, not like Angel. And I know the three of you are lovers if that’s what you’re worried about. I don’t care about that. I mean, Willow explained it, sort of, with the whole staying connected and bonding thing.”

“Yeah well, that bonding as you call it happens a lot and all over the loft.” Buffy warned her. “Cordy, we’re trapped inside for hours just pacing around waiting for the sun to go down. We get bored and start to think of fun ways to spend the time. Plus, that connection, it feels a lot less lonely. We feel a lot less empty.” Buffy decided to be more blunt. “So we have sex or spend the day naked in each other’s arms just before and after the sex. You’ll see it.”

Cordelia took a moment to process all that in, shaking her head when too many visuals began to play. “Okay… I’m… I mean, you’re not going to try and start bonding with me, right?”

Buffy laughed. “Hadn’t planned on it. Why? You want us to start bonding with you, Cordy?”

“No!” Cordelia softened her voice. “No, that’s okay. And it’s okay, the bonding thing.” She took a deep breath. “Sex. I mean, as long as I don’t have to, you know. And I can just go to my room, or leave, go out somewhere, right?”

“Of course you can go, to your room or wherever. And no-one’s gonna make you have sex with them. We…” Buffy paused for a moment to find the right words to explain, “We have an odd set of lines that not even we will cross. Not many and I wouldn’t call them morals really. Just a connection to our memories of when we were human. And maybe a stronger connection to those memories than most vampires have because of who we are, or were. Even Xander now I think, at least a little. Anyway, I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“Okay.” Cordelia released a breath. She didn’t even think about worrying about something like this. Being killed or turned, sure. But… she chose to just believe Buffy and pushed the thought from her mind. “Well, I got used to a ghost watching me. I guess I can get used to watching others,” she absently thought out loud.

“Hold up,” Buffy was going to make her clarify that last part. “What do you mean you got used to a ghost watching you?”

Cordelia refocused on Buffy and the current conversation. “Oh, my apartment in LA was haunted. His name was Dennis. He had a bit of a crush on me. And boy, did he love to watch. And I… well, I got used to it.”

“You enjoyed it,” Buffy called her on it.

“Fine.” Cordelia confessed if only to move the conversation back to how she would be able to live with them. “So, I’ll probably end up enjoying watching you guys,” she boldly finished.

Buffy smiled. “Feel free.”

“You know,” Cordelia’s sudden thought propelled her to switch topics, “this will probably sound really odd given what we were just talking about, but I couldn’t help but think of it after you left the diner earlier. And it will probably get you pretty pissed at me and I shouldn’t say it. But out of all three of you, Buffy, it’s like you’re the least changed. The most like you always were, you know.”

Buffy’s smile faded. “Cordy. I left the diner to kill someone. Before, I would have left the diner to save someone and kill something. Now I kill the someone because I feel a little hungry. I am the something.”

“I know, I know.” Cordelia was quick to jump in. “But it’s just; you were always fighting and killing. And then after, you’d just go back to hanging out and chatting. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t have any filters yet. And I think my time living the ends justify the means lifestyle has totally screwed my moral compass. I get that. It wasn’t meant to be an insult.”

“I wasn’t insulted.” Buffy replied on reflex. “Okay, maybe the memory of myself was totally insulted, but it’s not like I have any guilt or remorse or anything. I was just surprised. You know, this does lead me to something else I mentioned earlier. If you want a normal life back, living with us probably isn’t the way to get it. I mean, you’re whole moral compass thing, we’re not the ones to show you the way.”

“No,” Cordelia contradicted with great conviction, “you’re exactly the ones I need to be with. That’s one of the things I realized while they showed me what had happened and where I could go now. It’s broken. I’m broken. And either it can be fixed or it can’t. But either way, the last thing I need is a bunch of people telling me which way is north. With you guys, I’ll have the freedom of figuring out wrong or right for myself without the influence of things I no longer trust.”

“Okay.” Buffy simply nodded her head. “Say, you want to get out of here, go back and start some serious drinking? There’s an all night drug store around the corner. You can at least get a toothbrush and stuff, and maybe some snacks if you want to eat while you drink.”

Cordelia smiled, relaxed, relieved. It sounded like the best idea in the world at the moment. “Yeah, that’d be great.” She paused; made sure she had Buffy’s attention. “Thanks, Buffy.”

Buffy nodded. They left the diner.

* * *

Jenny and Giles both quickly closed and zipped their jackets against the cool night air as they stepped outside. The breeze off the Salish Sea made Jenny wish she had thought to wear a hat. Giles smiled as he took a deep long breath. The nights would remain cool here, unlike Sunnydale, even as this northern corner tilted towards the sun and the everlasting days of the summer months. Beautiful differences. And hopefully there would be enough of them to heal the soul. 

They lived now just off Cornwall Ave. in a newly renovated area of downtown. And it was down Cornwall Ave. they walked. This area surrounded them with dozens of restaurants, shops, businesses and coffee houses; held skyline towers of condos and offices. And one old remnant that spoke of the continued presence of residence: the old high school. It wasn’t far down Cornwall and Jenny found herself staring at its dark visage as they passed and shuddered despite her attempt at nonchalance. Usually she avoided walking past the school. There were plenty of alternate routes. Its presence was the one drawback from the place they had chosen and one she refused to consider in their decision, telling herself she would just have to get over it. It was healthy to get over it. Still, even if it looked nothing like its Sunnydale counterpart, she wondering if ‘getting over it’ was possible. 

Giles noticed the shudder and simply, wordlessly, entwined his arm with hers and perhaps sped up their pace a little. It was a dark haunting presence in his psyche he refused to admit to as well. And in the refusal, was now the strength she could cling to. Soon they were past the school anyway. A bridge over a creek in the middle of a city was a pleasant and welcome reminder of elsewhere, of the present. They stopped for a moment to admire the incongruity. Still, he kept a watchful eye on the shadows. Kept scanning the spaces around them. This city felt different, smelled different. But it was night. Their first journey out into the night. And he knew for a fact that there were vampires here. 

Jenny rubbed his chest and kissed his cheek as if knowing what he was thinking. They continued again arm in arm and soon turned left onto E. Holly St. It would seem they made it. People could be seen milling about and gathered into groups. Instead of relaxing, Jenny clung tighter to Giles’ arm. 

Stopping for a moment under a streetlight, Giles turned toward Jenny and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Are you alright? We could call this experiment done and hail a taxi for a ride back.”

Jenny smiled and leaned into Giles as if for warmth, feeling his arms wrap around her. “No, I’m fine. When there’s people and noise and smells, I just…” She searched for some words. “That first push, rush, I guess I still have to brace myself. That sensory input pain, it’s like a hard slap. Then it eases up.” She pulled back so she could look into his eyes. “I want to do this. If I’m alive I need to start living. And live like I remember living- as if I’m alive.”

“Even if it hurts?” Giles reasoned.

Jenny laughed then, untangled herself and continued them down the sidewalk. “Rupert, love, since when does life not hurt?”

As they neared the entrance to the Wild Buffalo blues club, they could feel as much as faintly hear the music drifting out from behind the blackened façade windows. There was a small collection of men and women gathered near the front and a little off to the side. As they passed, Jenny could smell the unmistakable sweet scent of pot smoke. The sudden memories that brought to her were as close a convergence of mortal memories to vague heaven memories as anything yet and she took a deep breath. “I wonder if they’ll share?” she murmured to herself.

Giles chuckled and halted their progress towards the door. “You want to get stoned?”

“You heard that, huh?” Jenny ruefully smiled. “Not stoned, just… gods, it’d be nice to take the edge off.” Just then someone in a passing car honked the horn a couple times at someone they knew. Jenny visibly jumped. “Maybe just a few drags. What’s the worse that will happen? We take a cab home?”

Giles noticed the struggle in her posture: her tight muscles, her strained eyes. She wanted so much to be okay with being alive. But nothing made that okay, not after… Well time did. But time took so much damn time and until then there was the struggle. He couldn’t handle it with Buffy, failed her, ran away when she clearly couldn’t make it all alright and left her drowning in it all. And by all accounts, she clung to Spike; until time… He could not fail again. Had to support it being okay until it was okay. “Go. See if it helps. I’ll remain the clearheaded one for the night.”

Jenny smiled and kissed him quickly. Leaving him to stand off away near the entrance, she approached the group. “Hey, does anyone mind if I bum or buy a few drags?”

Everyone eyed her wearily. One guy spoke up. “We all got our cards, ma’am.”

“Cards?” Jenny repeated. Ma’am? When did this get hard? When did she get old?

“You’re a cop, right?” Another one tried to confirm.

“I’m really not.” Jenny wasn’t sure how she was going to convince anyone of this though. She’d just have to give up. Across the street someone shouted for someone else and Jenny flinched.

“Here.” A young man wearing a canvas work jacket and wool cap held a lit joint out towards her. Everyone in the group watched carefully as she took the offered joint and pulled a long practiced, remembered drag. After a moment, as she released the held smoke, everyone relaxed. She passed the joint back to her new friend.

“Thanks. I’m Jenny.” The offered hand for a handshake was met with an offered joint instead and gratefully accepted.

“Toby.” He smiled and waved it away back towards her when she tried to offer the remainder back.

“How’d you know I wasn’t a cop?” Jenny wondered.

“I saw you jump at the horn and noises.” Toby shrugged. “You’re a Vet, right? Just back from the war? You know, you can get a Green Card for PTSD. Here…” he pulled a business card from his pocket. “see him. He can get you one. Really helped a friend of mine.”

Jenny took the card and pocketed it. “Thanks.” She wondered about her new status as War Vet; killed in the line of duty she supposed. She let the thoughts go as she squeezed one last pull on the joint and put it out. “Just… thanks.”

“No problem.” Toby smiled. “Just doing my part to support the troops.”

Jenny walked back over to Giles all smiles and linked her arm in his again. 

“Better?” He amusedly inquired.

“We’ll see,” Jenny hedged, “but so far, so very much good.” She did feel lighter, less focused. The noise, smells and lights instead of pounding in, seemed to drift and slide around her. There was still the commotion of people, but holding onto Rupert anchored her. And music, for the first time since coming back, seemed to call to her again. If for nothing else, for that right now, she was grateful. They entered the club.

* * * 

The all night drug store was what could be termed ‘old fashioned’. Rows of old white metal shelves led you around in a maze of a wide variety of essentials and just, well… stuff. There were souvenirs for tourists, cheap tools and auto supplies, and even cheaper electronics. There were also the regular drug store staples of over the counter meds, first aid, cheap cosmetics and personal care items. Some of which Cordelia picked out, promising herself to replace as soon as possible. But Buffy was right: the toothbrush, hairbrush and etceteras would feel like heaven tomorrow morning. The pharmacy was caged and locked up tight for the night. But the ice cream freezer and junk food isles were well stocked. They definitely knew their customers. Buffy paid for their impromptu varied inventory and they headed out.

* * *

Jenny bolted out of the club’s door and turned blindly down E. Holly St., walking at a brisk pace toward Railroad. Giles followed her only daring to come up along beside her as she slowed down. They stopped near the corner. She was breathing steady now, no longer shaking. “I’m sorry,” she spoke more to the pavement than to her companion.

“Don’t be,” he was quick to quietly reassure. “It will get better. I know this for a fact. But that doesn’t matter. In any case, whatever this is like at the moment, I’ll be with you.”

“It’s just…” Jenny continued; head down, as if she didn’t hear him, “the music was too loud and the crowd was too close…”

“Jenny,” Giles softly interrupted her by gently cupping her chin and raising her face so he could see her eyes. They held some tears, but weren’t panicked or too lost. In fact, even now he could see some fire returning to them. He could feel in his hand some resolve stiffening her posture. He smiled and lightly kissed her. “You lasted longer that I would have thought possible.” He shook his head slightly and grinned. “You do like jumping into the deep end, don’t you?”

Jenny finally smiled and relaxed. She thought back, far back on her life. “You know, come to think of it, that’s actually how I learned to swim. Mind you, that time, it was my cousin daring me until I couldn’t take it anymore; but yeah, I guess I do tend to jump in pretty easy.”

“Just one of the many things I love about you,” Giles easily confessed. “Let’s dub this experiment a success and call a taxi for the return home, shall we?”

Before Jenny could answer, they heard the voice. One of the voices they half feared all night that they might hear; but reasoned, rationalized would not actually happen. Even worse, it was as they both remembered. Not laced with malice, but friendly. They heard Buffy’s voice before they saw her crossing Railroad almost directly in front of them. Quickly, Jenny and Giles moved closer to the building to shield themselves more from her view should she turn around. She wasn’t alone. Unbelievably, she was linking arms as she crossed the street with another woman. A woman who was not Willow. They could just tell that much… Then the two women stopped for a moment under a streetlight on the median in the road. They turned and talked to each other. It was strange, only one’s breath visible in the cool night air. Then the mystery woman turned just a little more in their direction. Jenny and Giles could clearly see who was with Buffy. Cordelia.

Giles couldn’t help but round on Jenny. “Cordelia! Jenny, did you know?!”

“No!” Jenny was just as shocked and was relieved when the honesty of that appeared to be noticed by Giles and his features softened. “No, I only know what you do. What Faith told you. That Cordelia died after a time in a coma. That everyone in LA died after the battle. Rupert, do you think she’s in danger?”

“I…” Giles took a moment to look back over at the two women, watching them continue to cross Railroad and up the hill. Their arms were linked again; they seemed in no great hurry and no great distress. “No. I don’t pretend to understand this at all yet, but I do know that Cordelia could tell if she had her arms linked with a vampire. I have to believe that whatever this is, she’s aware of it. Even if right now, for the life of me, I do not know what to make of it.”

“Okay.” Jenny allowed herself to be reassured by his reasoning and started to rub his chest, hoping to calm him down as well. She watched them continue up E. Holly St. “I don’t know what’s going on, Rupert. But I know we’re not going to solve it here on the street. Or even tonight. Let’s just call that cab, go home and go to sleep. Tomorrow, you can call Faith and see if she has any answers.”

Giles wrapped his arms around Jenny and kissed her head. “Yes. One would think you were the sober one right now.”

“Oh, my high wore off with the panic attack,” Jenny corrected. She reached for her cell phone and made the call.

* * *

Xander wandered the small side roads back toward the part of Railroad they considered their rendezvous point. Rumors, the gay club/college bar was busy tonight. Xander slowly walked up and down the street a short ways looking for either Buffy or Willow. As he turned and headed back to the club, he spotted Willow exit the bar with a young beautiful woman. ‘Way to go, Willow!’, he mentally high-fived. He silently followed to watch as Willow led the woman down a darkened side street and then suddenly into an alley. He watched mesmerized as Willow simply held her to the side of the building, seemly enjoying listening to her panic and beg for her life. Finally, Willow bent forward and fed. Xander could just see the smile on her face as she faced the alley exit. When Willow let her victim drop to the ground, Xander entered the alley clapping, unapologetically making Willow jump.

“That was beautiful!” Xander complimented with a short bow.

“Xander!” Willow accepted the compliment with a hastily picked up pebble thrown at his head.

“Ow! Hey! Applause giving guy here.” Xander objected to the not wholly unexpected treatment.

“Yeah, well, you startled me.” Willow defended. “How much did you see?”

“Since you left the bar, why?” Xander deemed it was now safe to walk up to Willow and wrap his arm around her shoulder. He led them out of the alley and a safer distance away and down the street.

“No reason,” Willow countered unconvincingly.

Xander could tell something was bothering her. Even if he hadn’t just witnessed that display in the alley, he would be able to tell. Before, maybe cajoling, jokes and ice cream to get it out of her. Now… Xander stopped their progress, took Willow in his arms and kissed her. As he tasted the faint traces of blood still left on her lips, a low growl escaped and the kiss deepened, his tongue playfully tracing around her fangs as she reacted. His smile was genuine as he stared into her yellow eyes. “Okay, let’s start over. Hi.”

Willow smiled back. “Hi.”

“Now that we have the pleasantries done, can I ask you about what I saw back there?” Xander kept her in his arms, not willing to let the connection fade.

Willow’s smile faded. “What do you mean? Xander, did you hit your head or feed on an amnesiac? You remember we’re vampires, right?”

Xander laughed. “Nice try. Good jokes. Come on, Will, I mean about how you fed. It was just… different. Beautiful, I meant it. Absolutely beautiful. But different. You don’t usually wait for them to beg like that. I just want to know you’re alright.”

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t know.” Willow pushed and Xander reluctantly let her go. “I just… I just really needed it.”

Xander smiled. “Come on.” He started to pull her down to the smaller streets between Railroad and the docks.

“Where are we going?” Willow let herself be pulled along.

Xander suddenly stopped short and pulled her into his arms again. He gave her another purposeful deep kiss. “Hunting, of course.”

The kiss had the desired effect. Though feeling less empty now from the thrill of the recent hunt and the blood of the kill, and feeling generally more balanced now from the connection to Xander, the passion only awakened a desire for more. Willow willingly followed Xander into the darker part of town, telling herself that this time she would heed the toss of the coin.

Nothing was open here this time of night. Shops, lunch restaurants, small offices; all were closed up tidy and safe. What were here were street kids: just down the hill from the college, just off to the side of the main nightlife, just down the way from the bus stop and huddled here between these low closed up buildings. 

“Look for the older ones dealing or pimping,” Xander advised. “Think of it as a public service. Besides, you don’t wanna taste what the kids taste like.”

Willow just looked at him and flipped her coin, grateful indeed that it allowed her to let loose one more time. It wasn’t long before they found a group of three young men that would fit their needs. They were too well dressed and too well fed to be anything other than predators themselves. Willow grabbed the first one she came to and threw him hard into the side of a nearby building, knocking him out cold before cutting another’s knees out and feeding off him from behind. It was all so practiced, so ‘this is how you feed from someone bigger than you’, that Xander stupidly watched for a moment and almost let the third get away. Giving chase, he quickly caught him and fed. As he wandered back, Willow was giving him a questioning look.

“Sorry,” Xander offered his trademark goofy grin. “Wasn’t prepared to witness the Willow juggernaut. You keep surprising me tonight.”

Willow just shook her head. “What about this one? You want him?” She motioned to the motionless man on the ground.

“Nah, you can have him,” Xander patted his stomach as if to say he was full.

“Since when do you fill up?” Willow pulled the coin from her pocket to see if she would feed again this time. She could have more. She admitted to herself she wanted more. She wanted, all night this night there was wanting, even needing. But if she was honest with herself, she didn’t need more. 

“Hey, I’m trying to be a gentleman here,” Xander protested. He watched the familiar routine of Willow flipping a coin and waited for her to state the result.

“All yours,” Willow smiled. The smile was genuine. She wanted more. Would enjoy it. But finally, there stopped being that aching pit, that craving. She could live with the coin toss.

Xander crouched over the prone man and slapped his face a few times. “Wakey, wakey.” When the man stirred to consciousness, he hefted him up and supported him against a building. Xander allowed the man enough time to become aware of his surrounding and situation. Just as he became angry and began to struggle, Xander let the demon show on his face, fangs protruding past his smile. When the panic started, Xander leaned forward and tore into his neck, allowing the blood to pour effortlessly down his throat. The man’s death was much faster than all the preamble leading to it. Xander dropped the body and turned toward Willow. “Come on. Let’s stroll like old times. There’s still a little night left.”

Willow and Xander ended up in the small park off W. Holly St. It held a good view of the lights off the boats on the bay and a small fountain offered a pleasant cascading and bubbling background ambiance. They cuddled together in each other’s arms on one of the benches. Xander decided to try again. “Willow…”

“Damn it.” Willow cut in when she realized Xander wanted to talk about it again.

Xander looked at her, shocked for a moment and then chuckled. “Wow, vampire life has changed you.”

“Why is everyone so surprised that I know how to swear?” Willow honestly asked.

Xander shrugged. “It’s not that I don’t think you know how. You know a lot of things. It’s that you usually don’t. Of course, tonight, you’re doing things you usually don’t.”

“Or exactly like I’ve always done,” Willow muttered under her breath.

Xander, of course, could hear her. At his look, when nothing more was forthcoming, he raked his nails up and down the back of Willow’s neck; urging with the reminder of permissive, possessive force.

Willow growled low in response and ran her nails up his thigh. She then shrugged her shoulders and relaxed, signaling she’d give in. “You know when I was being turned I cast a quick spell trying not to lose my soul. Trying not to turn evil. The soul part didn’t work, but some part of it did. I mean, I kept a lot of what makes me, me.”

“What does this have to do with tonight?” Xander pushed.

“Well, it’s just, you know that’s why I flip a coin. So I don’t get sucked down the path of wanting and wanting, and just give in to that pit that can’t be filled again. And tonight, in the bar…” Willow looked away from Xander and off to the Salish Sea, to that endless dark watery depth. “I wanted her so bad that I kept flipping the coin until it gave me the permission I needed.”

“And then relished it when you had her.” Xander shrugged. “We do that sometimes. We are vampires.”

“I just don’t want to be some mindless minion of the dark.” Willow turned to face Xander. “I’m not saying you are.”

“I’m not.” Xander confirmed. “Sire’s blood I think.”

“Good, it worked,” Willow exclaimed before thinking.

“What worked?” Xander sat back a little to face Willow fully.

“Oh, um, the plan when we turned you…” Willow grabbed Xander’s hands in her own. “Xander please don’t be mad, we knew we were different and we thought if you kept feeding from Buffy then you’d be different too. Of course the whole thing was based on something Spike said, so we weren’t sure it would work. You’re not mad, are you?”

Xander tried to let it sink in. “What if it didn’t work?”

“Well you were with us and we were with you, so it was all good,” Willow quickly responded.

Xander smiled. “Then no, I’m not mad. I have free will and freedom. When is that something to be angry about?”

“Isn’t free will the danger of taking what you want and then wanting and more taking?” Willow wasn’t sure why she hadn’t told him about what happened at the water’s edge tonight. Looking again out at the bay, she was sure she was going to keep it secret just a little while longer.

Xander paused to puzzle his friend and lover for a moment. There was nothing to do really but continue the conversation where she led it. “It’s choice. With the call of the night down to a dull roar, I don’t have to rampage through it. Like those kids on the street tonight. I don’t hunt them because they have enough shit to deal with. That, and they really don’t taste right. But mostly, I just choose not to. Now the assholes that prey on them: them I’ll hunt sometimes.”

Willow turned back towards Xander and smiled for the first time since the start of the conversation. “I thought you only truly hunted through the rich part of the city.”

“I like to vary my diet,” Xander confessed. “At least I don’t only eat dock workers and sailors. I think that’s where you’re getting your potty mouth.” Xander gathered Willow a little closer into his arms again. “I have free will from that mindless call to annihilate now. It doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself when I choose to hunt. And Buffy is free from her calling. You know, I think she’s happier now. I always knew there was something with her and vampires… but anyway. You’re always telling us this is a new chance for us. Not if we’re not okay with what we are.” He gently kissed Willow. “Before, even with all of Buffy’s bitching about duty and my whining about lack of superpowers, I think you were the one who was the most unhappy with who they were. Still are.”

“What do you mean?” Willow struggled a little for some distance from Xander but he held tight. 

“Willow, stop,” he gently pleaded. “I just mean you’ve never seemed that happy with yourself. And always tried to make yourself different, your surroundings different, the situation different. When the whole time Buffy and I loved you. Just you. How you are. Still do. I’m saying you don’t have to fix anything, be anything than what you are. This is our second chance. We just have to… unlive it.” He finished with his trademark goofy smile.

“You really are an idiot.” Willow smiled back despite herself and the uncanny accurate words that still echoed in her mind.

“But one who sees everything, remember?” Xander was relieved he managed to say what he wanted to say without a big fight or a slap to the face. “Actually, in this town, I’m the kind of guy who gets job offers.”

“What? What do you mean?” Willow pushed away the earlier conversation to worry about later and settled back into his arms.

“Oh, tonight I ran into some would be master vampire and a couple of his minions. He’d seen us at the club. Seen me about I guess. Has some big plot to take out the current master and offered me a spot on the team. I don’t think it was as a minion, either. Something higher up. Get this though. His big plan is to rule the city. Not to bring back the old ones or open a portal, just rule this place. We’re not in Kansas anymore.”

“Okay, that is a little sad. Still, what’d you say?” Willow was honestly curious. Fitting in, having power; these were things Xander had always secretly wanted. 

“I told him no. And to leave me and mine alone.” Xander smiled when Willow looked up at him. “Free will and freedom, remember? I choose you guys. Over anyone and anything else. Always.”

“Idiot.” Willow’s smile transformed her face as much as the demon did and the worry from her eyes finally left. “Come on. I can feel the sun begin to rise. We should go home.”

* * *

The first thing Giles did when they got home what start on the scotch. The second thing was to reread all the emails from Faith and Dawn concerning Cordelia and the fate of everyone in L.A. He sat at his desk for a while, checking all the news he could find on the subject, all the while drinking steadily. Jenny quietly sat next to the desk and watched. She answered when a comment or question was directed her way, but for the moment she remained patient and supportive, knowing he had to get the initial research underway before he could rest. She did intend to make him rest at some point though. So she never commented on the continued drinking. When in his drunken state he wanted to call Faith then and confront her with this, she was able to reason with him that he was not in a frame of mind to be able to ask the questions in a way that wouldn’t betray everything. He had to agree and she was finally able to convince him to put it off to morning and to go to bed for tonight.

For her part, Jenny wasn’t nearly as upset as Giles. She supposed it was the distance, the numbness, the years away from it all. To her, Cordelia was still just a high school brat she barely knew. And the young woman she saw tonight was someone she barely recognized. Cordelia did save her life once. She wish could feel more if only for the sake of that rare memory that was her own. She had some tales the tribe told her. She knew she had changed some. And gone off to L.A. to help Angel. That was where the stories containing Cordelia ended. The tribe didn’t watch Angel once he left Sunnydale. His soul lost, and even with his soul returned and a calling found; in their eyes, Justice had failed. She had failed.

Also, if she could be back from the dead, why was it so remarkable that Cordelia could be back from a coma? The real question that bothered Jenny is why she was with Buffy. And why the tribe didn’t tell her about it. Well, the answer to that one was simple enough: they must not have known or seen it coming. Reason enough to be a little nervous herself. Her tribe has many women who are able to see the most likely events of the future. This, then, was unforeseeable.

Nervous or not, ready or not, her instinct to go out tonight was right. She might have reasoned it was to get her life back, but she couldn’t fully deny the pull she felt towards Buffy, Willow and Xander; the need to see them, to know where they were. She cursed her own tribe under her breath even as she tucked the one gift of all of this, the one she loved underneath the covers and watched as he fell to a drunken deep sleep. Then still not ready, still nervous, still driven by instinct; she slipped from the apartment and walked quickly back toward the corner of E. Holly and Railroad.

It had to be the connection. That could be the only reason in a city this size, on their first night out she would see Buffy. And now, returning to the dark streets just before dawn she would see Willow and Xander as well. She hadn’t yet reached E. Holly when she spotted them. She just knew before her eyes could even confirm as they passed a streetlight that it was them. She slowed down and followed well behind; trusting the connection to lead her. They continued steadily up E. Holly and with the dawn fast approaching, she quickly caught up to see which of the many closed buildings they might be holding up in. She watched them enter the small side door of a large brick two story warehouse or factory. Now she knew. And knowing, it was time to go home and see if she could finally settle down enough to sleep for a bit.


	2. day 2

Xander untangled himself from Willow’s embrace and watched as she rolled over and spooned with Buffy. He thought about just going downstairs naked and seeing how their new housemate dealt with it, but relented and got dressed. That was something that would have to be addressed sooner rather than later. He wasn’t going to spend hours cooped up inside and start behaving himself. He would have to build her that room soon he realized. Xander headed down the stairs and noticed again the remnants of a night of drinking. Empty bottles and half eaten snack bags littered the coffee table in front of the large window. Thankfully, someone had remembered to close the heavy curtains before the sun rose. He smiled at the sight of Cordelia sprawled across the couch. One arm over her eyes, the other hanging over the side and touching the floor. At the moment, she looked deader than they were. Xander crossed over to the kitchen area and started up a pot of coffee.

“Here,” Xander encouraged as he gently shook Cordelia to wakefulness and held out a mug of coffee. “Good morning, Sunshine.” 

Cordelia reluctantly sat up and gratefully took the cup. “Sunshine?”

Xander shrugged. “You’re the one who can go out in the sun.” 

Gulping the contents, her eyes still closed and head pounding, Cordelia wasn’t prepared for the fiery kickback. “Xander! What’s in this coffee?”

“Oh, I snuck some Irish in it,” Xander gleefully informed her, pleased with himself. “I saw the drunken state of the coffee table and thought I better put some drink in the coffee. It’ll help with the hangover.”

Cordelia continued to drink greedily; finally daring to open her eyes and grateful vampires don’t like sunlight pouring through their windows. “Well, thank you. Who knew you were such a nice guy.”

“I’m not.” Some part of Xander instantly bristled at the idea. Maybe it was the heartbeat nagging the demon.

Cordelia remembered the physical connection trick and took Xander’s hand in her own. She gently pulled and encouraged him to sit beside her. “Yeah, you are.”

“Sometimes,” Xander relented with a smile.

Sudden, intense memories overwhelmed Cordelia. “I remember you always tried to help. And you never gave up. You never gave up on your friends.” 

“Even now the snackable ones,” Xander joked. “You have a new chance here, Cordy,” he continued in a softer tone. Xander looked over at the empties. “Fun night last night?”

“Needed.” Cordelia finished her coffee and set the mug down. She rested her head back and looked up at the industrial remains of the ceiling. “Regretting it a little now.”

“Drink lots of water,” Xander advised. “You’ll live.”

Cordelia laughed a little until her head protested. She turned her gaze to Xander and really looked at him for the first time since showing up. First time in years she realized. It’d been years. And even through the hangover her mind was finally a little clearer. He’d grown. It was evident, impressive. Even as he still graced her with his patent grin. Yet past the smile, she could see that he had also aged. Well beyond his years. And of course the eye patch. “Xander, what’s with the eye patch? What happened to your eye?”

“I thought you said you were shown everything that happened to us?” Xander marveled for a moment at the connection he could feel even with Cordelia. He could remember human things, the times before. It was fainter than with Buffy or Willow: the connection. It didn’t, of itself, fill the empty space that now left them colder than their skin. But it was enough to counter the call of her heartbeat or the anger and pain of the memory that question still brought to mind.

Cordelia noticed him flinch a little at the question and held his hand tighter. “I was only shown the end and even then it was probably the bits and pieces they wanted to show me. I don’t trust it was the whole story. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine.”

Xander got up. “I’ll get you some water and some more coffee. This story is going to take a while.”

* * *

Giles roused himself from his musings at the desk when he noticed Jenny come out of the bedroom and cross to the kitchen. He joined her there and greeted her gently with a kiss then started the coffee machine. Each morning he woke hours before her and it seemed the least he could do was have it set and ready to go when she got up. Each morning, her grateful smile reaffirmed his choice to abandon the never ending fight and join her here. He supposed, one day, complacency would take over as it always does; but he drew comfort from the fact that by then the routine of cohabitation itself would be enough to find solace in.

“How after all these years of staying up late into the night can you be such a morning person?” Jenny stirred Giles from his thoughts.

Giles tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m afraid it’s a genetic curse.”

“I’m gonna start looking for a cure for that,” Jenny promised with a smile as she heard his chuckle. She started in on the coffee and started to feel more human. “I know Cleveland is a few hours ahead. Did you reach Faith?”

Giles started to heat the kettle for more tea. He prepared a cup for the water then turned and leaned against the counter; a little more settled for the sudden conversation. “Yes. I was circumspect of course. I think I muttered something about updating my personal journals and being too drunk at the time to properly hear all the details. In truth, that last part may not be as farfetched as I would like to admit. In any case, she was kind enough to give me a proper and accurate recounting of everyone’s fates and end in L.A.”

“How do you know it’s accurate?” Jenny wondered. As far as she could remember, Giles had never mentioned anyone surviving to join them in Cleveland.

The kettle whistled and Giles poured the water and made note to keep track of the time. He tried to ignore the way the sound still made Jenny startle just as she studiously ignored her body’s flinch; her heart rate’s jump. With a couple deep breaths he noticed her settle back down to morning coma calm. “Faith still has many connections in the demon world there. In any case, I was able to confirm that Cordelia Chase never awoke from her coma and died shortly before Angel and his crew killed the members of what we later learned was a society called The Black Thorn. And for that, Hell itself rained down upon them. No one survived.” He noticed it was time to stop steeping the tea and removed the tea bag. A pleasant surprise to moving to the northwest was finding a culture that loved and appreciated good tea and the ready availability of a wide variety. The cupboard was filled with his initial overindulgence. “Her information is so detailed and I’m afraid I know her well enough now to know when she’s holding something back, that I suspect her source is someone who in fact did survive. Someone she would probably protect with her life and I would never ask her to betray. But I am just as certain from the way she relayed the facts that someone is not Cordelia.”

“So, you don’t know what’s going on either,” Jenny concluded. She started on her third cup and was catching up on Giles for wakefulness.

“No, I’m afraid not.” Giles thought back over what he was pondering at the desk before. “Cordelia could possibly be alive somehow, though why she would be with Buffy and the others would still be an unanswered question. Or more probably, she’s undead like the others and somehow found them.”

Jenny stared at the counter; pulled herself up and her mind inward in thought. It was still painful to recall, that time in the motel room. They told her the stories. Over and over, the stories they would tell their young from now on; the stories of heroes. Then, at the end, they whispered the desecration that happened. Told her where they were. They never mentioned Cordelia being here. “I don’t know Rupert. We saw her breath. It was a cool night and I remember noticing just the one… Our first reaction was that she was alive. I know we can’t tell for sure from a distance, but I trust that reaction. Plus, my tribe didn’t mention her being here. Didn’t mention anything like that happening to her. I just…” She took a sip of coffee instead of finishing. “I guess we’ll deal with it when we know more.” 

Giles agreed with a short nod. “Yes. Quite right. I don’t believe we can do anything about it and worrying about it doesn’t feel at all productive.” He felt relieved the conversation could come to an end. Almost everything in his present life he felt helpless to stop and useless against. It wasn’t a familiar situation and he was uncomfortable and unaccustomed to feeling so powerless. Even as a Watcher, he inserted himself into a more active and aggressive role, finding he was unable to just wish for the best from the sidelines. Right now all he could do was take care of Jenny. And research what was becoming less a viable option the more he learned: the restoration of souls. Running from his thoughts to the safer vision of the woman in front of him, Giles smiled. “Here, why don’t you sit and I’ll cook us some eggs for our breakfast.”

* * *

Buffy woke a little after Xander left the bed, stretched, turned over and kissed Willow awake. She wasn’t surprised when Willow smiled and kissed her back more firmly and passionately. Eventually, the kiss ended and Willow looked around the room.

“Xander go downstairs?” Willow sat up slightly and leaned over Buffy and out the loft windows to confirm for herself.

“I think so.” Buffy distracted Willow’s attempt to find their wayward lover by sucking on the nipple that was now hanging temptingly over her face. 

Willow groaned low and deep and gave up any further thoughts of Xander. She moved down over Buffy, kissing her hard. Their legs entwined and Willow brought her thigh up between Buffy’s legs even as she started rocking against Buffy’s raised thigh. Buffy broke the kiss and lowered her leg. “We should take this to the shower.”

“Why?” Willow impatiently tried to start things again by caressing Buffy’s breast. 

Buffy smiled and enjoyed the attention. In a way she couldn’t explain or even fully understand, she loved watching Willow over her like this. But she had a purpose. There was a reason why she stopped. “Because after last night, I could really use a shower. I feel like one of those sailors you’re always feeding on.”

Willow leaned down and made a show of smelling Buffy. She could indeed smell the alcohol but the overriding Sire to childe desire the scent of Buffy stirred in her almost derailed her intended joke. She pulled up, regained some mental balance and forced a smile. “You smell like one, too.” The desire would have to be taken care of soon, but she could put it off for the length of a civil conversation and a place of Buffy’s choosing. 

“Hey!” Buffy pinched one of Willow’s nipples. Hard. 

Willow growled low at the sudden pain, her eyes paled to a yellow tint and ridges creased her brow. “If the shower is where you want this, we better get there now.”

Buffy smiled and licked her lips. She wasn’t sure where a playful morning of sex had turned to this but she would never complain. They left the bathroom light off, not wanting or needing it and turned on both shower heads. Entering the steam and hot streams, Buffy wasn’t surprised to feel her back against the cold tiles as Willow pushed her against the wall and kissed her; fangs out and cutting. Willow’s hand possessively ran up her thigh and between her legs. Her fingers pushed inside Buffy as her thumb rubbed across her clit. The rhythm was sudden, deep, strong and bruising. Buffy didn’t have time to think. Didn’t want to think. She clung to Willow’s shoulders, the hot spray just missing her leaving her shaking with cold or was it need. The kiss broke and she felt Willow’s lips and teeth move down over her jaw to her neck. Buffy tilted her head, offered her neck, heard herself begging Willow to bite her. Finally, the fingers inside her, the thumb on her clit… it was realized with fangs in her neck and the union with her Sire. Buffy wrapped her arms around Willow and held her tight. As she reverberated with her climax, she wanted Willow to feel this, experience this love and bond. As the waves of sensation ebbed and she calmed, she felt Willow lower the shower seat and she sat down. Willow joined her.

“That was…” Buffy couldn’t think of the words and absently touched her neck to feel the bite marks instead. She smiled, leaned over and kissed Willow.

Willow smiled back as Buffy pulled away after the kiss. She ran her fingers through Buffy’s still unruly morning hair. “Yeah. I don’t know what got into me. I didn’t take that much. But still… wow.”

Buffy sank to her knees in front of Willow and spread her legs. “I know what will get into you,” Buffy hinted as her fangs grew.

“No, Buffy, don’t bite,” Willow tilted Buffy’s head up. At the question she could recognize in even these yellow eyes, she explained. “Not yet. I actually do want to shower with you now. Later, after the shower, I want you to feed from me.”

Buffy half growled and half smiled at the suggestion. The effect sent a visible chill of desire through Willow. Buffy smiled and relented. The demon withdrew but the intent and passion remained. Buffy leaned forward while she pulled at Willow’s hips and slid her towards the edge of the seat. Her tongue dove in and ran up from her opening to her clit. Buffy closed her lips then, sucking and teasing Willow with her tongue. The onslaught was rapid and intense. She pressed two fingers into Willow and started moving them in time with caressing Willow’s clit. It didn’t take long. The earlier climax they experienced together already had Willow at the edge. Buffy held her still, not letting her fall off the seat and rode the waves until they softly ended. Buffy sat back on her knees, smug smile firmly in place.

* * *

Xander and Cordelia were seated on the long side of the couch that faced the living space. Well, Xander was seated at one end and Cordelia was laying across the couch facing him, leaning against one arm, her lower legs and feet sitting on his lap. She figured if she had to be touching him, the least she could hope for was a foot massage. It hadn’t happened yet. He was being a decent sport about it though. She had drank a few glasses of water and a few mugs of coffee and with that and the ‘nip ‘o the dog’ from earlier, she was feeling pretty good now. At least the headache was gone. His story was as bad as her own. He didn’t just tell her how he lost his eye. He filled her in on some other things. Not the whole stories, just the highlights. But it was enough to get the idea. She was beginning to think their turning into vampires was the least that had happened to them.

“This sucks! All of it. God, it just makes me want to drink again.” Cordelia concluded when it seemed the catching up was done.

“Well you can,” Xander offered. “We do. We have plenty. Or we did before you and Buffy got to it last night. But it doesn’t have to suck. Second chance remember? You’re free.” Xander paused for a moment. “Well, I guess for us, it does still suck. But in a different way.” He flashed her a goofy smile.

She just looked at him in disbelief. Memories clashing with ironies and realities. He was going to give her another headache. She just shook her head. “You still make those lame jokes I see.”

“Hey!” Xander protested and tickled the feet on his lap. He had been waiting for his moment to strike.

Cordelia squealed and jumped up off the couch. “Okay, I’m going to the bathroom to get myself presentable.”

* * *

Giles was again seated at the desk, mumbling and occasionally cursing over the translation of Marcus the Mad Monk’s journal. A notepad with relevant and significant passages quoted rested on the desktop nearby, depressingly scarce of ink. Giles leaned the final distance forward and started pounding his head gently on the book. “I’m going to go mad!”

Jenny looked across the room and smiled indulgently. Yes, he had a glass of scotch on the desk already, but he wasn’t at it constantly. Yes, he was researching something she was uncomfortable contemplating, but she was uncomfortable with most things right now. Besides, when he got like this, he looked so much like the roguish and adorable librarian she remembered. She guessed she must look something like her old self as well at the moment. Jenny was laid back along the sofa, her new laptop rested against her bent knees. She was trying to catch up to technology’s sprint since she’d been gone. Giles had been indulgent as ever; buying her everything she wanted to try or could possibly need. Her ignorance felt foreign and unsettling as the salespeople patiently explained what seemed like a whole new dialect of a native language. New hardware, new software, new slang, new ways of doing things, new possibilities… it was amazing what had happened in only a few years and it was now a blessed escape. It was just similar enough she felt she was on solid footing, but the differences were in all the details each step of the journey she took. She was remembering her love for this: the possibilities it held, the power of information, the community and communication. She just never imagined it could grow so wide, so fast and so visual. Or that its instruments could get so small. Jenny closed the laptop, sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Then we’ll go mad together. All this new technology. I feel like I’m chasing a white rabbit around the web.” She got up, stood behind him and started to rub his shoulders. “Rupert, hun, why don’t we both give this a rest. We can go out. There’s some more stuff I want to buy and while we’re out we can get some lunch.”

Giles sat up and back but let his head hang forward, still enjoying the shoulder rub. “You’re going to make me go to a computer store?”

Jenny smiled even if he couldn’t see her. “Only for a minute.”

He rose from the chair, turned in her arms and gave her a quick kiss. “That sounds lovely. The lunch out I mean, not the shopping.”

Jenny laughed. “I know what you meant.” They gathered their jackets and headed for the door. Before they could reach it a knock alerted them to someone on the other side. They looked at each other and Jenny took a moment to calm her heart and nerves again before she leaned forward and kissed Giles reassuringly on the cheek. “Go ahead and answer the door.”

Giles returned a moment later with a package in hand. “A delivery. I had found… um… what I believe might be a better translation of the journals of Marcus.” He stepped from foot to foot, unsure how to ask if he could beg off of going out; to say he would rather stay and start in. His eyes kept returning to the package in his hands. His mind starting to list the entries he would like to look up first.

Jenny wanted to laugh at the sight. She also wanted to cry. In the end, she relented. “Stay, start.” When she noticed his eyes focus on her and doubt cloud the initial spark, when he moved to set down the package unopened; she stopped him. Jenny kissed him slow and deep. When it ended, they were both breathing hard. “It’s okay. I’m in love with a book geek. I can still go out to lunch and the computer store, right?” Her smile was disarming.

Giles smiled back, a rakish glint in his eyes. “Of course. I’m in love with a computer geek aren’t I?”

“You better be,” Jenny emphasized with a quick kiss then left.

* * *

Buffy ran a soapy cloth down Willow’s back. She was enjoying the feel of the endless hot water against her own as well. Once they had both recovered enough to stand, the shower became just a shower: with a little help from a friend. “I wonder how Xander and Cordy are getting along.” Buffy mused as she ran the cloth over Willow’s butt and down the back of her thigh.

Willow spread her legs a little and planted her feet more firmly. She glanced back over her shoulder. “Are you worried? I guess this does have the potential to be a short housemate experiment.”

Buffy ran the cloth up the back of the other leg. “No, not worried. Not like that.” She turned Willow around and placed the cloth in her hand. Then turned around herself. “I’m just curious. Are they fighting like they used to? Are they ignoring each other? What?”

Willow took the hint and began cleaning Buffy’s back. “Bigger question. Are we going to behave ourselves now downstairs? I mean with the sex and nudity and all. We do tend to ignore clothing and stuff during the day. And sex, or at least, well, this, just being with each other, touching each other, is a big part of how we spend our days; get through our days. Are we really going to give that up?”

Buffy turned around and faced Willow. She took her in her arms and kissed her. “No.”

“No?” Willow’s puzzled smile lit her face.

“It’s our home. We’re not giving anything up.” Buffy set the washcloth down on the shower seat and simply held Willow in her arms under the spray. “I already talked to Cordy about it. She can go out. She can go to her room. She can watch.” Buffy pulled back a little to look into Willow’s eyes and smirked. “She might end up liking to watch.”

Willow shook her head and leaned it on Buffy shoulder. “Great. If anyone had even suggested that this would happen in high school…”

“We would have all secretly entertained the visuals many times,” Buffy finished. “Well, except for the vampire part. We would have been horrified at the vampire part.”

Willow started laughing. “I don’t know. I had the memory and visual of my vampire part remember. I would have probably been horrified at the sex part.”

“I don’t buy it.” Buffy protested. This felt good: holding Willow, running her hands down her back, the hot water pelting both of them, the connection filling the cold void, the memories so easily recalled that bound them. Sometimes the day with Xander and Willow felt as good as the night. She understood so clearly now why Willow did what she did after being turned. The anger was gone, the betrayal of fate relegated to the landfill corner of her mind where she kept all her disappointments. This… this was right. She felt free and even happy, finally. “Willow, I know you fantasized. You’ve already admitted as much.”

“So did you,” Willow accused. “You’ve admitted it, too.”

Buffy laughed. “Yes, I did. That’s my point, remember? Would have secretly entertained the visuals? You know who else has admitted to high school fantasies? Xander.”

“Well, duh.” Willow traced a finger randomly over Buffy’s chest. “Why the sudden talk of high school fantasies? Did Cordy admit to anything last night? It looked like you guys had quite a party.”

“No, nothing like that.” Buffy paused for a moment to try and recall the whole rest of the night. Drinking might not give her a hangover, but it still got her drunk. “Not that I can remember at least. She needed to get drunk. I helped out. The talk we had was before all that though. So, I know she remembers it. And the liking to watch has something to do with a ghost watching her in L.A. I don’t know. L.A. will make ya kinky.”

“That’s something I don’t want to think about. Kink and Cordelia.” Willow shuddered in Buffy’s arms.

“Really?” Buffy pressed.

Willow paused to think about it a little. She searched for some feeling as she considered the idea of Cordelia watching them or even the image of Cordelia in leather with a whip. Nothing. “Okay, at some point, my memories of old me and new me are going to have to reach some sort of agreement.”

Buffy smiled and kissed her. “Nah. I love you just as you are.”

Willow just closed her eyes and tried to let that sink in. “So, you never answered my question,” she suddenly changed the subject. “Why all the thoughts of high school fantasies?” 

“Oh,” Buffy was pulled back to trying to figure that out herself. “I’m not sure. It just keeps coming up. Xander hinted at some yesterday morning. And now, here…” Buffy was getting an idea. A wonderfully dangerous idea. “I think we should do more than just admit it. I think we should tell each other. Or even try them.”

“Buffy…” It was Willow’s standard response when she wanted to warn Buffy off an idea but wasn’t sure how to yet and needed to buy herself some time. “There’s a reason why they’re kept secret. Telling just makes them icky and trying them is never as good as having them.” There, those were two very good reasons to give up this idea.

“They’re back from high school, they can’t be that bad.” Buffy reasoned back. “Plus, they’re from old human life. We’re different now. We’re not going to feel the same way about it.” Buffy went in for the kill. “Aren’t you curious what my actual fantasies about you were? Or Xander’s fantasies about you?”

“Buffy…” This time it was said in a pleading tone. “Be careful what we wish for comes to mind, but alright… spill.” Willow relented.

Buffy laughed. She knew she would win. “No, not like that. Later.”

“With what? Candles and chocolates?” Willow slapped Buffy on the arm. “You’re so mean.”

“No, I just mean, confessing in the moment,” Buffy tried to explain. “Besides, I’m getting tired of the shower.” They turned off the water and stepped out. “There is one moment I want to explore with Xander.”

“What’s that?” Willow ran a towel over herself. She briefly considered taking over the job of toweling Buffy dry then gave it up. Their morning routines would go faster if they each did their own thing.

Buffy wrapped the towel around her body and started to brush her hair. “You remember when he did that Cordelia will love me spell and instead all the women except Cordy fell in lust with him?’

“Of course.” Willow started on her own hair. Later, they would check each other to make sure it looked alright. 

“Well, remember it was me, in the library, wearing nothing but a raincoat and coming close to undoing the sash.” Buffy paused then to brush her teeth. She knew it would frustrate Willow.

“Buffy…” Willow gave the warning tone before she, too, started brushing her teeth.

Buffy smiled. ‘The more everything in their world was upside down…’ she pondered for a moment. “I just want to know how the story of sash pulling ended. Cause you know he thought of one. Just cause he stopped me from doing it, doesn’t mean he didn’t imagine me doing it.”

“Well, that’s true.” Willow realized. “I’m not even sure I could have stopped you from doing it. So, you know, don’t be mad at him for what he thought about.” Willow took Buffy’s hands and led her back to the bed.

“Mad?” Buffy let herself be led, wondering what Willow had in mind now. “I’m not going to be mad. I want him to tell me so I can do it.” She grinned mischievously. 

Willow shook her head and then pulled Buffy down with her onto the bed. She hadn’t forgotten her own plan for this morning. “First,” she licked the fresh bite marks on Buffy’s neck. “I want you to feed from your Sire. I want to feel you, Buffy.”

The effect was sudden. The demon leapt to the fore as Buffy climbed on top of Willow. Buffy’s knee bent to press her leg between Willow’s. Her hand reached possessively onto Willow’s breast. Her fangs cut Willow’s tongue and lips as they kissed. Willow’s demon side jumped approvingly into the fray and turned the tables. Willow tossed Buffy over and rolled on top. Sitting up, she raked her nails down Buffy’s chest. Then Willow relented, remembered, bent forward and offered her neck to Buffy. The bond hummed and buzzed between them and the sting of fangs slipped in and blood was pulled slowly out. They had gotten better at control, still, each time… They clung to each other; tried to slow it down; make it last. Too soon, as Buffy felt Willow start to relax and go limp, she slipped her fangs from her neck and rolled her back onto the bed. It wasn’t too much. She just needed to rest for a moment. Buffy lay still and felt the buzz hum in her body, let the Sire’s blood fill and strengthen her as nothing else could. As her mind wandered and plotted how to make Xander give up his secret, her thoughts faded to black and she fell into sleep.

* * *

Cordelia exited the bathroom. She felt a little better. The headache was gone. There was just a dull, queasy throb in her body now. She thought maybe food might help, though it was hard to tell since the actual feeling of hunger had yet to return to her. She was dressed again in the same clothes. The only things she was left with, still possessed from her life before. She only just now noticed their wrinkled state after two nights sleep, the smell of their lived in condition. But her face was washed. Her hair and teeth were brushed. Her mind was just a little clearer and calmer. She had a to-do list for the day: some shopping. Cordelia raised her arms and stretched, then really looked around the living space. They had good taste; she had to give them that. A little Euro-trendy but high end. Stark and sparse: there wasn’t even a collection of faux personal decorative showroom knickknacks on the shelves. A blank slate: for all of them. 

Cordelia crossed over around the couch and began to pick up the mess from the night before. Xander leaned against the wall beside the TV and watched. Cordelia was doing her best to ignore him and his smirk.

“You know, when you’re done with that, we have some laundry that needs to be done,” Xander none too subtly suggested.

“No,” Cordelia stated firmly as she passed by him on the way to the kitchen and the trash.

“No?” Xander followed slowly. 

“Yes, no.” Cordelia emptied the trash from her arms and turned to the cupboards to put away the half empty snack bags. “Buffy tried as much last night suggesting I could do some cleaning. I’m not going to be your guys’ house girl.” She closed the cupboard doors and turned around.

Xander smiled at her surprised intake of breath when she found she was suddenly face to face with him. “You’re not?”

Cordelia pushed him away as she tried to back up and out the other side of the kitchen. Xander grabbed her arms on reflex. His grip wasn’t hard, but she wasn’t getting away. His face hadn’t changed, in fact his eye softened some and as Cordelia saw that she relaxed. The more she relaxed, the more his grip lessened until he released her. They stood facing each other, barely understanding.

“Your heart’s racing,” Xander whispered.

“Yeah, well, you snuck up on me,” Cordelia ended the standoff, whatever it was, by slapping Xander on the shoulder and finally backing away and getting that space she needed. She turned and left the kitchen; more comfortable in the open space of the main living area. She turned back towards Xander. “Look, I’ll clean up after myself, but if this other thing is a condition of my living here…”

“It’s not,” Xander interrupted her. “Can’t blame a guy for trying though, right?”

Cordelia ignored that. “I’m getting some clothes for Buffy and Willow, do you want anything? I promise, I won’t go crazy or be mean.”

Xander laughed. “I remember your first attempts at dressing me.” At Cordelia’s continued look, he relented. “I don’t want anything but Buffy and Willow would probably want you to get something, so go ahead. After Anya, I just gave up and gave in.”

Cordelia wisely didn’t comment on that. “I’ll need the car keys and some way to pay for it all.”

Xander deemed it was safe to leave the kitchen. He handed Cordelia Buffy’s purse. “Credit cards. Pretty sure there’s cash. Keys. The ID will look enough like you for all the attention anyone gives it anyway. Just don’t get pulled over.”

“Gee thanks.” Cordelia was suddenly a little nervous about her day of retail therapy.

“I’m sure Willow will have an all new you set up in no time complete with ID and plastic all your own.” Xander led her to the elevator door. “Don’t worry. Maps are in the car. There’s a mall just north of here. You know no-one ever looks at these things. Just remember the new name.”

“New name?” None of this was actually helping Cordelia’s nerves but she wanted out of the loft. She wanted to do something and this was perfect: easy and productive. She could shop on autopilot. 

“Joan Morte.” Xander gave her the last of what he thought she needed to know and hit the button to open the elevator door. “We’ll fill you in later. I guess there’s still a lot of that. But soon Buffy and Willow are gonna come down here. So, if you’re gonna go, you might want to go now.”

“Yeah, what’s taking them so long?” Cordelia suddenly thought to wonder.

“Do you really want to know?” Xander answered with a smirk.

“Gods! Never mind.” Cordelia waved him off and stepped onto the elevator. “Thanks.” 

Xander watched the elevator door close then wandered over and sprawled on the side of the couch that faced the TV. He channel flipped as he waited for the ladies to join him.

* * *

Jenny meant to go downtown to what was becoming her favorite Thai restaurant and then do some shopping. But as soon as she hit the sidewalk, she found herself walking down Cornwall Ave. towards Holly St., towards Railroad, towards where she knew Buffy, Willow and Xander spent the day. She considered as she walked about the deceit. Why she snuck out last night. Why she didn’t bring it up in the light of day. She couldn’t form a reason and she prayed it wasn’t a condition. The high school across the street distracted her. It was less foreboding in the light. The school year was out and it was shuttered and empty. Still, she wrapped her arms around herself and picked up the pace and with a decided effort, shoved all thoughts to the back of her mind. 

Railroad was as busy during the day as it was at night. The clubs were closed but the vintage clothing and thrift stores were open. The expanse of parking provided a public lot for the surrounding businesses. A man almost bumped into her and apologized quickly as she was stopped at the corner waiting for the light to cross. People. Crowds of people. She was still getting used to the noise and the energy of it. Jenny focused on her breathing, crossed Railroad when she could and quickly walked up the hill to the quieter streets. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath; to find her center. It was an old part of town just up the hill from the docks on the bay. Small businesses in low buildings. Brick, decorative awnings, big display windows; it was simple, on the street parking; this is for the locals part of town. Scattered through the area, a block here, a block over, there were larger buildings: an old warehouse or factory. Jenny didn’t look for their building yet. She looked around. It was a warm morning. The sun was bright. She could hear the birds over the muted sound of car traffic and the far off sound of ship traffic. She could smell the sea and the fresh wild that was always present on the wind here. She looked up over the rest of the hill and peeked between the buildings until she spotted the mountain. Mount Baker. Snow and glaciers beamed as the Cascade Range peaked and dipped across either side. It always stole her breath to see the mountain; the whole range. They lived so close. It was so beautiful, this volcano. So dangerous. It could destroy them all one day. Until then, it just remained a stalwart, eternal witness.

Jenny felt much more centered now. The building wasn’t far and she strolled down the street. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do once she was there. She was sure she wasn’t going to knock on the door to try to go inside. Standing around and staring at the building seemed like a waste of time. None of this was planned. She didn’t even know why she felt compelled to come in the first place. Turning back for the original plan of lunch and computer shopping was beginning to take over her thoughts. She almost didn’t notice the movement in time and ducked quickly into the doorway of a nearby storefront. Through the outcropping of display windows she watched Cordelia exit the building, get into a car and drive away. ‘It’s daytime. Cordelia was definitely out in the daylight,’ Jenny thought as she straightened up and stepped back onto the sidewalk. ‘The bond. It must be the god-damn bond.’ Jenny postponed most of her plans for the day and resigned herself to this destined bit of reconnaissance. ‘Buy a book back at that book store. There’s a sandwich shop just up there. I can have lunch, read and watch ‘em from the window.’ She put her new plan in motion.

* * *

Willow stretched out beside Buffy on the bed. She let herself rest for a few moments, a few minutes, just let the time pass a little as she recovered. It wasn’t that she was so drained that she was weak. They didn’t let it get to those points any longer, learning when to end and how to resist the compulsion to consume and be consumed. The strengthened bond strengthening control. But after the intensity of the experience, it felt good to relax with Buffy; even if Buffy couldn’t share this moment with her. Buffy lay still and lifeless beside her. No breath, no heartbeat. Willow still marveled at it all. She could feel their connection, faint but crackling as she smoothed Buffy’s hair out from around her face and stroked her cheek. Not even an eye twitch. Willow leaned over and quickly kissed Buffy’s lips. She got up off the bed and dressed for the day. There were a couple things to get started on.

* * *

Xander craned his neck and watched Willow come down the stairs. “Hey there, sleepyhead. Where’s Buffy?”

“Sleeping.” Willow smiled at Xander’s puzzled look. “We got a little carried away this morning. She fed from the vamp that bit her.”

Xander smiled and returned to watching the TV. “I made ya a pot of coffee.”

Willow stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared suspiciously at the back of Xander’s head. “Well aren’t you the sweet one this morning.” As she made her way to the kitchen, she looked around for Cordelia. “Xander, what did you do with Cordy?”

Xander laughed. Easily bored with the TV, he shut it off and quickly joined Willow in the kitchen. “What do you think I did with her?”

Willow could tell she was being teased and relaxed, deciding to just play along. “I don’t know, that’s why I asked.” She leaned back against Xander and into his arms as she cradled the hot cup of coffee. “Just let me get in at least one cup of coffee before you tell me.”

Xander wrapped his arms around Willow and held her tight against him. He smelled the scent of the recent shower in her hair and kissed her head. Memories tumbled into the empty spaces of his existence; sparked to life by this physical link. His arms shook a little as the landslide of who they were settled to the depth of who they were now. Willow’s fingers stroking his arm settled him and the dust. He smiled and started rocking her slowly. “Remember in fourth grade when Cordelia got herself elected to be in charge of the classroom supplies? And we kept plotting ways to lock her in the supply cabinet?”

“Xander! You didn’t!” Willow slapped his arm and looked over to the closet and laundry room doors beside the elevator.

Xander laughed again and relented. “No. But a part of me now wishes I had remembered and thought of it. No, Cordy went out shopping of course.”

Willow left Xander’s arms and wondered if she could have just brought him with her the few steps to the counter to get some more coffee. She turned to face Xander, refill in hand and leaned against the counter. “Oh yeah, food shopping. It’s not like we have anything here except this,” she emphasized by raising the mug.

“And clothes shopping,” Xander merrily warned.

“Clothes? Well sure, she doesn’t have anything.” Willow continued to drink her coffee, warily certain by the way that Xander was grinning that she didn’t understand everything yet. “What?”

“Buffy sent her clothes shopping for us as well,” Xander filled in. “Now do you wish I had thought to lock her in the closet?”

“Cordy’s going to be picking out clothes for us?” Willow snapped. 

“She promised to be nice,” Xander tried to console Willow. “And you have been complaining about the clothes we can find in the stores that are open all night long.”

“It’s just the principle of the thing,” Willow stated but conceded. “She has changed a lot since the schoolyard bane of our existence.”

Xander smiled and deemed it was safe to join Willow at the counter. He leaned against the counter beside her and put his arm around her. “That was a little dramatic.”

Willow tilted her head onto his shoulder. “Well, she was. At least for me.” Her voice held a slightly petulant tone.

“Me too.” Xander kissed the top of her head. “All the way until she was my girlfriend. Maybe even during that.” He chuckled. “But you two ended up friends, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Willow admitted. “At least friendly.” Willow gave Xander a quick kiss on the lips. “And none of us are anything like what we were in school now anyway. It’s just… buying clothes for us. I’m gonna kill Buffy.”

Xander laughed. “I think you need some more coffee. You’re still not quite awake.”

Willow laughed as well. “Okay. I guess a lot of the ‘oomph’ is gone now from that threat, huh?” One of her own chores for the day came to mind. “What is Cordy using to pay for all this?”

“Oh, I gave her Buffy’s purse.” Tired of watching everyone drink alone, Xander crossed over to the fridge and got himself a beer. “ID, credit cards: it should be alright. They never actually look too hard if at all.”

“Good thinking,” Willow praised with a smile. “Still, I’m gonna set her up with her own ID and account.”

“Told her you probably would.” Xander leaned against the counter next to the fridge and drank his beer. He watched Willow as her mind began to work out how and sort out in what order to accomplish the task. He loved watching her mind work. It was something you could experience viscerally as an aura of energy and possibility hovered around her until coalescing with a snap into sharp focus and purpose.

After just a few moments of sipping her coffee, Willow finished the last of it and placed the cup in the sink. “I’m going to the office area to deal with that now. I think I have an idea.”

“Okay.” Xander watched her cross to the other side of the loft and toasted her back with his beer.

* * *

Buffy woke with a stretch and took a moment to orient herself; remember why she was in the bed alone. She smiled and spread herself over the covers as the taste of Willow’s, her Sire’s blood came back to her mind. Then she recalled her planned amusement for the day. Buffy got out of the bed and instead of getting dressed, slipped into a short silk black robe. She closed the robe but tied the sash loosely. It wasn’t a raincoat. She didn’t have one. But this would work just as well. With the bottom of the robe caressing across her bare thighs, Buffy descended the stairs.

Willow was seated at the desk in the office corner of the loft just beyond the stair landing. For a moment, Buffy thought she was so engrossed in her work at the computer that she would slip by unnoticed. But just as she reached the bottom of the stairs, Willow looked up, her eyebrows arched as she took in what little Buffy was wearing. Buffy held a finger to her lips in the ‘silence’ gesture. Willow remembered then their earlier conversation of high school fantasies. She swiveled the chair for the best view and leaned back. With an unrepentant grin, Willow gestured Buffy to continue with a sweep of her hand. Buffy rolled her eyes and continued stealthy over to Xander.

Xander was at the other end of the couch on the TV side playing a video game. Something military and violent with guns and explosions. She could never remember what it was called or even which was which. He had promised her she’d like it and they had spent many hours wasting a day with them and frustrated that their reaction speed was greater that any game’s capability. Still, she had to admit, they were fun and much better than the supposed martial arts games that just drove her crazy. She could never fight the way she wanted to with those things. Xander was lost in the game but she knew he wouldn’t mind this kind of interruption. She stepped in front of the TV. “Xander, I can think of a better game to play.”

It was sudden. It took a moment to catch up. Xander stared stupidly at Buffy, at the short silk robe that covered her suggestively rather than modestly, at the game graphics that exploded behind her. He turned off that last distraction. “What?”

Buffy smiled. “Xander, come with me.” Buffy reached for Xander’s hands and pulled him to his feet. She led him back to the staircase and positioned him to sit on the second stair. He stayed still: waiting, wondering. Buffy took a moment to remember how it went. The memory was faded, either by spell hangover or by time’s passing, but she thought she remembered enough. She remained just below where he sat and placed one foot up next to him then leaned forward and with a hand on his shoulder bent him back until he was laying on the stairs. The robe hung open at her chest and invited his view. With her raised leg and bent knee, the lower half just draped across her upper thigh and barely claimed any modesty. The sash, loosely tied, seemed it would fall apart at a mere suggestion. Buffy remained arched over Xander and held his gaze in her own. “Remember high school?”

“High school?” Xander repeated and glanced again at the ‘V’ in her robe.

Buffy laughed a little and tilted his chin so she could look into his eye again. “Stay with me here. You’ll like this game, I promise. Yes, high school. Your spell to make Cordy love you and instead all the women lusted after you. Remember when I came to you in the library wearing nothing but a raincoat and wanting you to undo the sash?”

Xander remembered alright. The thoughts firing through his mind at the moment were a lot like the video game he had just been playing: seemingly random shots and explosions. How Buffy didn’t want him then, could never want him, now wanted him, she was his Sire, chose him, rejected him, just the spell, lovers, just friends, bonded… It all crashed and burned through his mind. He wanted to see where Buffy was going with this, so ignored them all and let it continue. “Yes, I remember.”

Buffy watched as his gaze lost focus for a moment and his face tightened, hinting at an unexpected storm inside. There were times, miscellaneous times when Xander’s memories and current realities mixed and combusted. Maybe this wasn’t going to work out as such a good idea. She bent forward and kissed his lips, softened her tone. “I’ll always love you and respect you more than you’ll ever know for what you did, or rather didn’t do then.” Buffy started running her hand through his hair. “But that was then and I just thought it’d be fun now to find out what would have happened if you had undone the sash.” She smiled down at Xander. “I know you must have thought about it.”

“Oh god.” It suddenly crashed into Xander’s mind what she wanted clearing away all the other debris. Out of the wreckage rose beautiful gently held secrets. “You won’t be mad?”

“I promise.” Buffy ran her fingers down his chest then leaned back a little. “What happens next?”

“There’s a few ways… I can’t…” Xander was still stunned and a part of his mind was yelling at him to snap out of it.

Buffy laughed. “Pick one. Pick the first one. That earliest just after it happened high school one.”

Xander stared at her for a moment longer trying to gauge the sincerity and validity of this moment. He could still slide past this with an offhand suggestion and any secrets would be safe. It was there now though, between them, between all of them: that openness, trust and permission within their bond. “You undo the tie.” Buffy smiled, did as instructed and waited. Xander swallowed as the robe opened, sliding across her thigh to hang behind her. “Then…” Xander remembered the fantasy well. Simple, basic, it was one he used to return to often. He looked around him, saw Willow behind Buffy seated in the office chair trying not to be noticed, her rapt attention making him smile. He looked again at Buffy. It wasn’t going to be exactly the fantasy. But he could tell her the fantasy. And he could enjoy it. “Then you undo my pants and give me a blow job.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows at the suggestion but did as instructed. She didn’t tease or play. She simply undid the button and lowered the zipper. Pulling his jeans a little more open and a little lower, she slipped his cock past his boxers and wrapped her lips over the tip. He was semi-soft but as her hand gently coaxed increasing length and her tongue and lips promised more he grew rigid and pulsed with seeming impatience. Finally she bent over him and slid his cock into her mouth. Her head moved up and down; mouth and throat open. Rudimentary cock sucking. Deep throat 101. Her hand moved to slip inside his boxers and gently hold his balls. Simply hold them. She listened to the appreciative but mostly incoherent sounds above her. 

Xander’s hands tangled in her hair but did nothing more. He didn’t push her. He didn’t direct. He was barely thinking. At one point his head flew back and hit the stair above him. The pain reminded him to sit up a little, to watch this, to pay attention. Just as everything else in his life now: it was a lot like and nothing like the original fantasy. It didn’t matter. Just revealing it to Buffy and having this response as a reaction was more erotic than the fantasy itself. He tried to hold out. Then he looked up and saw Willow. Saw Willow’s hand was inside her jeans as she watched. He came: without warning and hard. 

Xander rested back on the stairs and stared at the ceiling. He felt Buffy sit beside him and glanced over. Her robe was still hanging open and closed, resting across her body wherever it fell in a revealing and concealing tease. Her thumb swiped the remains of his climax from her lips and chin then disappeared into her mouth. She smiled at him. “So I’m still not in trouble?” Xander needed reassurance.

“No trouble,” Buffy confirmed. “I’d say you got the better deal in this game.”

“I took the most risk,” Xander pointed out. He smiled, leaned over and kissed Buffy. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for playing,” Buffy gave him another kiss back. “And you’re right, you took all the risk. Thank you for trusting.”

“Always,” Xander vowed, still in a post climactic haze. 

Buffy’s eyebrows rose and her eyes focused on Xander’s. “Always?”

Xander took a moment to examine the statement. He felt it’s truth but could understand her incredulity. The connection throbbed between them and he took her hand in his own to steady its pulse, settle the memories. “Yes, always. Buffy, there might have been many parts of me that yelled and screamed, but when it came down to it I always trusted you. How do you think you got so close to me that night in the motel? After all those years in Sunnydale, I knew something was wrong. Every alarm I had in my head was telling me to fight and run. But it was you. And it was Willow. And…” He left off the confession with a shrug and a grin.

Buffy knocked him back onto the stairs and leaned over him. She kissed him deeply and possessively. Her fingers ran through his hair and over his chest before she pushed herself up and ended the kiss. She remained arched above him, gazing into his eye and smiling. “And it was always the three of us.”

They looked over to Willow. She was still in the office chair, rocking back and forth and smiling. The scene was much more distant for her. She regretted she couldn’t feel the warmth of the affirmations. Couldn’t delve into the depth of their recollections or touch the current of their reconnection. But the visuals of the scene were erotic and the afterglow intense. She enjoyed watching. It was ending now though and she still had a brand new Cordelia to create. “That looked fun. I have a tricky part coming up, so if you two are done playing for a while, I’m gonna listen to some music now so I can concentrate and get back to work.” With that, Willow turned the chair back towards the desk and placed some headphones on. Quickly she was lost to the computer and the task at hand.

The disconnect between how they were currently feeling and how Willow reacted wasn’t lost on Buffy and Xander but wasn’t commented on. They shared a quick look of pained loss; a momentary acknowledgment of grief. The pool of remembrances shimmering back a reflection of what once was and was now lost. The three of them: always and never again like it was. They let it go as easily as it came. They were adjusting. Their own pulsing current that was jump started from the linking of old events to the present had calmed and slowed. They were at the point where they could notice how uncomfortable the stairs were. “Xander,” Buffy suggested, “let’s move this to the couch.”

Xander stood, refastened his jeans and followed Buffy. She decided to settle on the side of the couch that faced the large window. “Here?” he asked, glancing at the window.

Buffy smiled and removed her robe altogether. “I like to live dangerously.” Then she pulled Xander’s shirt over his head and off. “The curtain’s closed. It’s perfectly safe.” She pushed Xander onto the couch cushions and forced him to lie down then settled on top; her head rested on his shoulder and her fingers played across his chest.

“You know it makes me nervous,” Xander accused but relented at her smile. He started running his fingers up and down her spine, just enjoying the feel of her stretched out over him. “Did you have a fantasy from that moment in the library?”

Buffy kissed his jaw then settled back. “No. That whole thing was me under a spell. I didn’t let myself.”

“But you did have fantasies,” Xander pressed.

“Yes,” Buffy readily admitted.

“Tell me one,” Xander insisted. His tone was easy and warm. The mood was lazy now; the intent comfort. Still, he needed reciprocation in details if not actions.

Buffy sifted through her memories for something that would be better if it didn’t happen in the loft anyway. She remembered a time near the beginning of all the insanity. When she was first starting to get to know them. First starting to get to know herself. Something happened that made her first start to think about what she liked and why she liked it. Thoughts she kept to herself for all these years. Just as secret was that one momentary flash of desire that sparked that day and the nights she imagined it all going a different way. Buffy snuggled in tighter with Xander and held him close. “Remember when you ingested that spirit of a hyena? And you found me alone in the faculty room?” 

Xander thought he knew where this was going. He smiled. “Well, I didn’t exactly eat the thing, but ya, I remember.” He watched Buffy’s eyes narrow and felt her fingers trail over his belly and across his chest. “Ow!” he protested as she pinched his nipple: hard.

Buffy smirked when she noticed Xander’s smile grew bigger. “We knew you remembered it! It took a while to figure it out, but you kept giving little things away.”

“Okay, I remember it all,” Xander confessed finally. “But it still wasn’t my fault.” 

“Finally.” Buffy kissed the other nipple in conciliatory triumph. “Now do you want to argue about this or hear about this?” She felt his arms tighten around her and he kissed the top of her head in answer. “Okay. For the record, you really did piss me off that day. But there was one moment, when you had me up against that snack machine, I’ll admit started to turn me on.” Buffy stopped talking and stared at the closed curtain. She let the cloaked window, her naked body, his lack of heartbeat under her ear remind and anchor her to the present. They rarely let themselves fall so deep into the memories of their life before. “This is hard,” Buffy admitted. She felt his fingers start to run up and down her spine. “But I trust you.” Buffy closed her eyes and recalled the details of her secret. “Sometimes, as I went to sleep, I rewrote that part of that day. You calmed down; kissed me. We ended up fucking up against that snack machine. That’s about as far as I got with the rewrite. That was usually enough to get me to sleep.” There. She said it.

The following silence pressed on as Xander let himself imagine the scene. He remembered the back and forth tumble on the floor that led up to that moment. He knew he should say something. What came to mind probably wasn’t the wisest thing. “I was right; you did have a thing for monsters. A normal guy never had a chance.”

Buffy sat up over him like a shot and held him pinned down on the couch. She stared hard into his eye. There was hurt and anger. But she could see the realization of what he said in his eye and heard his “I’m sorry” apply a balm across the old wound. The truth was she had thought about all this herself over the years and had just never shared the answers she found. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know. “No. And yes.” Buffy sat up. She was straddled over his waist; her hands released his shoulders and rested on her thighs. “I’m going to tell you something I figured out that I haven’t ever told anyone. So I want you to really listen.” When Xander nodded she continued. “It took years… why Angel and not Riley. Why… Anyway, the monsters as you kept calling them, they were just callous enough that they didn’t feel like they had to protect me: from my job or from myself. And I didn’t feel like I had to protect them from my life. It’s cold. Maybe it’s not fair. But it’s what I figured out.” When she saw that Xander was going to interrupt she stopped him with a finger to his lips. “It’s not that I wanted violence. And I didn’t want monsters,” Buffy stressed the last word. “I think you missed the key part of my fantasy with you. That you calmed down. That you stopped being such a hyena’s ass.” Buffy finally smiled again and ran her fingers down Xander’s chest. She recalled another memory of Xander. Not a firsthand account; a confession Angel made one night. “Angel told me about the time you stared down Angelus when I was in the hospital with the flu. He said you scared him away with nothing but the look in your eyes. He was still a little afraid of you; of what would happen if you ever became that passionate and determined again. That is what I was attracted to. I just didn’t want it to get you hurt.” She trailed off as she ran a finger around the eye patch.

Xander grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers. “I don’t regret staying to make sure the girls got out okay. Buffy…” He made sure he had her attention. “I don’t regret it.” He pulled her back down to lay on top of him and she settled again on top and to the side against the back of the couch. His arms held her close as her head nestled onto his shoulder. “I don’t regret the good fight. Parts of it, but not the whole of it. I am glad it’s done. Of course, we were all supposed to be alive for the happily ever after, but think about it; those poor suckers are still fighting. They’re trying to build the next Council or something, finding the next hellmouth. Giles, Faith and Dawn are probably going crazy.”

Buffy smiled at the thought. “Are you saying we should have turned them as well? Can you imagine it? All one big happy Scoobie vampire family?” As Xander started chuckling another thought came into Buffy’s mind. “I bet you just want a vampire Faith around as well.”

Xander felt Buffy’s hand inch up toward his nipple again. “Uh… you’re the one who suggested it. Did you keep any naughty bedtime thoughts of Faith from before?”

Buffy smirked at both his nervousness and the misdirection. “Yes.”

By this point, Xander was heedless of the danger. “Did you and Faith ever…?”

Buffy cut him off right there with a smirk. “No.” She decided to simply flip it back. “Now fess up. Did you imagine Faith and I? Can you imagine it now if they were turned?”

Given the permission, he decided to chance it. “Yes.” He rolled with the return of the easy relaxed banter and mood. “To both.”

Buffy laughed even as she pinched his nipple lightly in retaliation. “I bet you just want vampire Giles around…” she trailed off suggestively. “Wait. Did you have any bedtime thoughts of Dawn?”

Xander was saved then when Willow came bounding over and sat on the both of them. Her smile was triumphant and a little mischievous. “I have it all set up. New past, new accounts. New everything.”

Xander welcomed the interruption. “Great. So, what’s the new name?”

“Cordelia Banks.” Willow just grinned as Buffy and Xander groaned.

* * *

Jenny sat at the counter facing the window. Her sandwich was long gone. The book she found was interesting, but it wasn’t the type of fiction story you could get lost in. Instead, she had found a book that Giles might also enjoy; a raucous folk tale account of the history of the area. It was quite a western frontier tale: complete with gold rush, rum-running, gambling ways. The mix of whore houses and politics was especially entertaining. Those frontier women had a lot of control for many years. Jenny couldn’t fall into the reading though. She was constantly interrupted with long moments of just staring at the square brick building where she knew Buffy, Willow and Xander were sheltered for the day. A large roll up warehouse door faced the street. It was the smaller door off to the side she saw they used as an entrance and exit. There was a large window above the roll up door for what she guessed was the second floor. It was curtained off and she wondered if that’s where they were. All the other window spaces had evidence of being recently bricked up. She just kept staring at it. There wasn’t any movement. She knew she wouldn’t see any. She kept wondering what she was doing there.

Finally, Jenny put the book aside and bussed her area clean. She’d wasted enough of her time, her day and this part of her new life on this. If some link compelled her to see Cordelia in the daylight, then fine, she did that. But she wasn’t going to spend this second chance at life mindlessly stalking vampires, whatever purpose bound her. They might have thrust her into this, but she would do it her own way. She had her own plans for the day and it was time to return to them. Then it was time to tell Rupert about all of this. 

* * * 

Buffy and Xander were laying in each other’s arms on the couch. Xander had shed the rest of his clothes at Buffy’s insistence. Her complaint about his jeans against her skin a ready enough excuse to return to daytime habit. Willow was seated at the desk again; already preoccupied with her next project. Books were stacked and scattered on the surface: some opened, some waiting. A notebook was positioned at the ready with a pen on top and neatly inked notations already listed. The research had begun.

Buffy looked over to the desk then looked up at Xander questioningly. When he shrugged in answer, she got up and walked over to the office area. Buffy stood behind the desk chair and pushed her hands under Willow’s shirt to caress her breasts as she peeked over her friend to read what had her so engrossed. “Hell Reigns: The Age of the Old Ones. The Dawn of the Vampire. Well that’s a stupid title. A Chosen One is Born. That’s just a lie. The Rise and Fall of Atlantis: Mystery or Myth? Willow, what are you doing?”

Willow leaned back in the chair and bent her neck so she could look back at Buffy. She tried to offer her a smile, but with the answering look of concern of Buffy’s face she wasn’t sure it was received. “Nothing bad. Nothing like what we used to do. I’m just researching for myself. Knowledge girl, remember? I just want to know the truth about where vampires came from.” She sat up and gestured to all the books on the desk. “These accounts, their dates, they don’t add up. The Watchers lied about everything else. I think they made it up. The story about vampires. The story about Slayers.”

Buffy removed her hands from under Willow’s shirt and came around the chair to lean on the desk and face her instead. “You think they lied about where Slayers come from? Willow, I was there remember? The portal?”

“You were there through a spell, Buffy,” Willow gently reminded her. “A device of the Watchers opened a portal.” She paused a moment; took Buffy’s hand in her own. “I don’t know anything yet. I just want to research it for myself.”

Buffy squeezed Willow’s hand. Love Willow and trust they’d get through whatever comes of her curiosity. After all, without it… “Okay. But what does Atlantis have to do with all of this? You’re not gonna rename me again, are you?”

Willow laughed and there was more than a little relief hidden in it. “No. Buffy, I wasn’t naming you after a city… oh, never mind. I don’t know what Atlantis has to do with it yet. It’s just a hunch. And all the other stuff I’ve read so far really doesn’t add up or make sense.”

“Well, it never made sense to me,” Buffy admitted. “I mean, if vampires were half-breeds like everyone says, why were they always trying to bring back the old ones? Wouldn’t those demons just turn around and kill them? I mean, why try to bring back something way more powerful than you? But, I just thought vampires were stupid anyway.”

“Hey!” Xander stood up and entered the conversation. “You do remember we’re vampires now, right?! And we’re not stupid. Hell, thanks to you guys look at all the stuff we have. I know, I know…” Xander waved away the incredulous looks from both Buffy and Willow, “I was a bit against it at first. But I like it now. I admit it. That’s my point. We can do anything. We’re the top of the food chain, the kings of evolution.”

Buffy laughed. “What? We’re gonna have to march in the Vampire Pride Parade now?”

Willow was momentarily stricken. “Oh, that’s right, I can’t march in Pride anymore,” she regretted softly.

Buffy heard her and turned to her, smiling. “It’s okay. You can join them after dark.” She turned back to Xander. “Here’s my point. You don’t want to bring any old ones back, do you?”

“No,” Xander conceded. “I did before, sort of. When the calling at night was stronger. There was this need to open this world to a consuming darkness. I just didn’t have any focus to it. If there was a hellmouth nearby, there would probably be a focus. It’s the best I can describe it. I know you guys didn’t…”

“No,” Willow jumped in. “We didn’t. But that we didn’t and you did, that’s interesting and important. It’s okay you did. Or still do.” Willow trailed off, suddenly feeling like her natural excitement and curiosity was going to upset him.

Xander crossed the distance between them and bridged the emotional chasm with a kiss. He placed his hand on her shoulder and kept it there, running his thumb gently over her collar bone. “It’s okay, Willow. Whatever you find out in those books doesn’t really matter. We’re together. We are what we are and that’s all that we are.”

“I’m Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” Buffy suddenly cut in singing to the tune of Popeye the Sailor Man; a big terrible grin on her face.

“Buffy!” Xander protested while groaning.

“And kinda literally true now,” Willow wondered out loud, tilting her head and looking at Buffy.

Buffy took a bow then launched herself from the desk. “I’m going to get a drink. Any requests?”

* * *

Cordelia sat at a food court table. She already had a few bags resting on the chairs around her. After lunch, she would drop them off in the car and then go back in and continue. The mandarin orange and chicken salad on her tray was fresh, the space was airy with a greenhouse worth of windows and skylights to let in the sunlight… still, it was all so disappointing somehow. She had to stop comparing it to the malls in L.A. Stop thinking about L.A. Even if she could get the place from her mind and learn to settle for this smaller mall with its fashion starved stores, she didn’t think she could ever chase the people from her thoughts. She didn’t think she wanted to. Not yet. She needed to remember them. What happened to them. What they did for this world. A sudden burning guilt turned her stomach and Cordelia pushed away the tray of food. The room was too bright. The noise of the increasing lunch crowd too loud. She closed her eyes and took a couple of steady breaths. She knew this. When it was just Angel Investigations and they were helping people, she studied some basics in trauma counseling. Survivors guilt. She just never imagined it felt like this. 

Cordelia gave up on the salad and placed the bags she had so far in the car. Xander was right; no-one really checked her ID. She took a deep breath and headed back in, this time ignoring the faint hope of finding that inspired outfit in one of the smaller stores and headed to the anchor department store. Ordering from catalogs or online was looking more and more like the way to go out here.

Cordelia almost gave up when she judged even the Macy’s in this small northern mall to be pedestrian. Back in the halls, she treated herself to a pretzel and wondered what bubble tea was. When she wandered over and took a closer look, she wondered how or why anyone would do that. Though, everyone was buying them. Maybe later. When she felt strong enough to want to eat, to want to try things, to want to be a part of this world again. Maybe then she’ll try some tapioca in her fruit tea. Cordelia realized this was probably big in L.A. as well. She had lost touch. It wasn’t just the time in the coma. It started before that. Everything else possessed and took over her life and she lost the one thing that was always a part of her. She had always kept up with trends; knew what was happening in the social and entertainment world. Cordelia realized she was woefully behind. For all she knew, what she saw here was the height of fashion. Okay, she wasn’t going to go that far. She headed to the bookstore she kept passing; intent on building a library of the latest magazines, compilations and biographies.

After dropping the bookstore purchases in the car, Cordelia headed one last time into the mall. She reminded herself they only needed the basics. Jeans, shirts, underthings… only slight variations on that theme. Stick to the basics. She headed to the final place she was going to try before calling it a day: Nordstrom’s. She remembered in L.A. liking the store and loving the service. Surely, in its own state, even a store up here would be well stocked. Cordelia wasn’t exactly disappointed even if the kinetic thrill of shopping hadn’t returned to her yet. She went slowly through the motions. Not methodically. There was enough here or it was good enough that she simply began to check for size and make a small pile for each at the register. She began to tune out and by the time she was in the dressing room trying on a pair of jeans, her thoughts had wandered again to everyone and everything that was lost. The jeans fit. She loved the jeans. And she didn’t care. Quickly, she stripped out of them and just stared at herself in the mirror. She noticed some scars. Remembered what had happened to her body. Imagined scars appeared and Cordelia wrapped her arms around herself and crumbled to the dressing room floor. Tears streaked her cheeks as she choked back sobs trying desperately to stay quiet; to not be discovered; to hold it together. Finally, she gave in and let herself cry helplessly; only hoping at some point it would end on its own.

When she was gasping for breath and her eyes cleared enough to see again, she realized she had survived. And no-one had knocked. She dried herself with the jeans she planned to buy and got redressed; making sure to avoid looking in the mirror again. It was over. As she took stock, she realized she did feel strangely better. Weaker, tired, but somehow a little relieved. All she wanted to do now was go home. Home. That was something else that wasn’t quite right yet. But it was a place where she wasn’t judged, nothing was expected and she wasn’t alone. And right now, that was enough.

By the time Cordelia made it back to the loft with an elevator full of purchases she was feeling much stronger. She had remembered to pick up some dinner to go from the food court. A plus mark she gave herself in the returning to life column. She forgot to go grocery shopping, but all things considered, gave herself a pass and promised to do it the next day. She wasn’t yet hungry enough to know what she wanted to buy anyway. When the elevator door opened, she started shoving bags out and then exited. Looking around, admitting she wasn’t sure what to expect, she was still surprised at what she saw. Buffy, Willow and Xander were all stretched out on top of the center back of the oval couch. She guessed the flat, raised space in the center was supposed to act as a coffee table of sorts while providing a back for the seating. Instead, it now served as a bed to lounge on while the three of them watched TV. Naked.

“Okay, you three, I bought clothes. Get dressed.” Cordelia wished she had her own room already to run to. But as the three of them untangled and wandered over to the bags to see what she got, she had to admit it was a little fun and a little funny to watch. “This is ridiculous.” Cordelia grabbed the bags she had sorted her own clothing into and, not knowing where to place them exactly, opted to just leave them in the bathroom. 

“No, this isn’t that bad,” Buffy countered as she held up a shirt from one of the bags.

“How do we know which is which and whose is whose?” Willow wondered as she held a pair of pants to herself. They were a little short on her. “Never mind,” she amended as she handed them to Buffy.

“Well, this is probably for me,” Xander proudly held aloft a stylized version of a bowling shirt. “But I’ll share if you want to wear it.”

Buffy made to grab it only to have him pull it back. She laughed. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out. Unless you want to tell us exactly who you bought what for?” She looked over to Cordelia.

“Oh no,” Cordelia waved off the suggestion. “I picked it out but if you want to swap I’m not getting into the middle of it.” She watched them bring the bags to the kitchen table and lay out all the clothes. They were sorting, ooohing and ahhhing, but not putting any of it on. “Oh my god. I know you told me… I just didn’t think…” She was too tired. The day was too much. She gave up and wandered over. “So, how’d I do?”

“You did great. Thank you.” Buffy walked over to Cordelia and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey!” Cordelia backed up. When Buffy just laughed, she covered her eyes with her hands. “Will you guys just please get dressed now that you have some decent clothes?”

“The sun has set.” Willow pointed out. “And, uh, no offense Cordy, but your heartbeat is making me really hungry.”

“That’s my Willow,” Xander kissed her soundly. “She’s right. Maybe we should get dressed and go.”

Buffy was already halfway dressed by then. “Well come on.” She turned to Cordelia. “You going out or staying in?”

“Staying in,” Cordelia almost sighed. “I’m beat.”

* * *

The longer days were getting to Buffy and as soon as she stepped out into the night it was as if she finally awoke. She bounced for a moment impatiently, waiting to see if the others would come up with a grand plan for the night. When no-one mentioned anything, she gave them each a kiss and promised to see them by dawn and then took off. In a mood to hunt, she headed uptown just past the closed business district to the newer renovated condominium and apartment skyscrapers. There were plenty of bars and what they now called martini lounges open here. Plenty of prey. 

The first bar she popped into appeared to be a sports bar and she thought she’d made a mistake. The smell of nachos and wings assaulted her and the noise of the surrounding televisions and responding cheers just did not fit her mood. Even the pool table area to the side was rowdy as a small group casually played while drinking and debating. Buffy turned to leave just as another young man was also exiting and he slightly bumped into her. He apologized politely and held the door for her and Buffy thought maybe this would work out after all. She followed him down the street to his car. He noticed and turned to her before getting in. “You following me?”

“You have a nice ass,” Buffy easily responded. In truth, she hadn’t really noticed. What she did note was that he was young and strong and healthy. Probably was a school athlete just a few years ago. Probably still competed in something now. He had that slow steady heartbeat. The comment had the desired effect, it stunned him. He got a slightly goofy grin on his face and an uncertain look in his eyes. She pressed the advantage by quickly closing the distance and getting into his personal space and backing him against the car door. There was a height problem. He towered over her. And he was beginning to worry about the situation and try to retake the upper hand. She could fix that. A quick jab to his stomach doubled him over and took his breath away. She caught him easily and brought his neck to her lips. She noticed his heart rate was increasing now. Panic. Buffy smiled around fangs as the demon slipped forward and fed quickly. When it was over she deposited the dead body in his car to delay discovery. The worse of her hunger now sated, she could hunt the rest of the night in peace.

* * *

Willow watched Buffy run off. “Wow. That was a little like you,” she pointed to where Buffy disappeared while remarking to Xander.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Xander admitted; still standing calmly beside Willow.

Willow turned towards him and gestured with a sweep of her hand to the city. “You’re not going to go forth and conquer oh king of evolution?”

“I’m not gonna live that down any time soon, am I?” Xander shook his head. “Maybe it’s the long trip down memory lane I had all day, but I was thinking it’d be fun to hang with you. We could go down to the docks you like.”

“Oh?” Willow was suddenly shaken from her plans for the night. She had been looking forward to getting back to the water’s edge, to exploring more.

“Yeah.” Xander eyed her suspiciously. “That’s not a problem is it? I mean, if you want to go off and hunt alone I can…”

“No!” Willow interjected, fear of having to explain and not wanting to be discovered creating some panic. She forced herself to settle down. “I mean no, that’d be great. It sounds like fun. I was just surprised you would want to eat dock hands or sailors is all.” Good cover she congratulated herself. 

“Well, I thought I’d pick up some new swear words. It seems to be working for you,” he teased.

“Xander,” Willow jokingly whined as they started down the hill and over to the docks. They set an easy pace and the walk happened in a comfortable silence. At some point, neither able to remember when, they had joined hands. Willow set aside her need to reach into that cool dark pool of power for the moment and concentrated on her thirst for the hot pulsing fountain of life instead. She thought Xander would probably take off after the first hunt anyway and leave her plenty of time tonight.

Eventually the closed and shuttered buildings of the old city morphed into the open warehouses and truck lined streets of the port. Further in, spotlights highlighted work areas busy with the loading and unloading of freight. Work crews ran equipment, hauled cargo. Voices rang over the noise of motors and the horns of ships. People were everywhere; moving into the fray and leaving now that they were docked. There were office shacks, trailers, storage buildings and shadows. Lots of shadows. And it stretched on for a mile down the coast. A place for fish, for freight, for repairs and refueling. Willow didn’t like going down to the refueling docks. Not only was the smell overwhelming, but it left a sheen over everyone’s skin that tasted terrible. She tended to stay near where the fish boats came in. She got used to the smell fast and it all felt cleaner in a way, more natural. Plus, in the shadows where she hunted she sometimes liked to watch what else came off the boats in secret.

“Well, here we are,” Willow offered wondering what Xander really had in mind.

“I like it,” Xander decided smiling. “Except for the smell of course.”

“You get used to that.” Willow led him down to the shadows between office shacks and storage sheds. Just ahead in the lit work zones, they could see catch holds being unloaded and weighed before being carted off. One just finished, the boat crew standing witness disbanded and started to wander and make their way back up toward the city and some time with real food, a real bed and hopefully some pleasant company. By the time they were out of the coverage of work lights and near the scattering of buildings where Willow and Xander lay in wait, many had separated from the pack and were slowly trudging on alone. Willow and Xander smiled at each other. They each pointed to the one they wanted and snuck into position. 

Xander leapt out as his choice came near and pulled him to the dark side of a cargo trailer, keeping a hand firmly over the sailor’s mouth so he couldn’t cry out. His eye was already glowing yellow, ridges overtaking his brow and his wide smile only emphasized his fangs. “Sailor, meet pirate.” He threw then pressed the man hard against the side of the trailer, laughing when he heard the distinct crack of his head against metal. The man wasn’t huge but he was hard; arms toned by the tossing and pulling of heavy wet rope grabbed Xander’s shoulders and tried to shove him away; legs used to finding balance and purchase pressed uselessly as he sought some advantage. Xander kept smiling through it all, kicking the man’s feet out from under him and cracking his head against the trailer again. When the sailor’s eyes glossed over and he swayed in Xander’s arms, he let the sailor’s head fall forward and sank his fangs into his neck. By then, the panic and fear had his heart rate racing and with Xander pulling at the fiery life- that mix of hope and passion and struggle to survive that exists in the living, it wasn’t long. It always ended too soon. Xander let him drop and went to find Willow.

Willow followed her pick a little further up a path and into a gravel long term parking area. There was no-one around, no-one to see and they were well away from anyone being able to hear over the noise of the work. Willow sprinted around and cut him off from going any further. She surprised him, frightened him. Her face transformed, her fangs; it was an unreal nightmare that stunned him into taking a step backward. Then he did the most surprising thing. A breathy “sweet Jesus, dear God protect me,” was uttered as he dropped to his knees and pulled a crucifix out from under his shirt and held it out toward Willow as far as the chain would allow. Willow growled and rushed forward. She pulled the chain off his neck and threw the cross far across the lot.

“That wasn’t nice,” Willow accused. Her hand stung from where she gripped the chain, but the cross never touched her, never burned her. Still, just seeing it thrust at her like that raised an ire deep in her core. She pounced behind him and picked him up enough to slice her fangs into his neck. She saw his hands clasp together in front of him. Heard his whispered, “Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee.” As she fed, as his life filled her, she calmed down. Near the end, she heard a faint, “now and at the hour of our death. Amen.” She gently pulled the last from him and laid him down. Then she went in search of his crucifix. She pulled her shirt sleeve over her hand, carefully picked it up by the chain and placed it on the man’s chest. 

“Sorry. And thank you.” Willow headed back down to the main area where she thought she could probably find Xander.

* * *

Buffy found a bar that fit her mood better. Upscale, low noise, good drinks. She was more comfortable ordering a drink now; moving away from the concoctions with the dirty names that the bartenders at the Hungry Ghost kept suggesting to the simple basics or classic cocktails. Though, she sometimes still ordered the fun ones when she wanted a reaction. Tonight was one of those nights. She was seated at the bar and in all seriousness had just stated that she needed a Long Sloe Comfortable Screw. It got a grin and a nod from the barkeep, but she was hoping for more than that. Sure enough, someone sat next to her. What surprised Buffy was that someone was a woman. “I’d like to give you that,” the woman smiled warmly. “On me?” She offered by placing some bills on the bar top. She kept a respectable distance from Buffy and turned to lean slightly on the bar so she could face her. 

“Ahhh, thanks,” Buffy stumbled through a reply. She shook her head a little and chided herself. What did it matter who took the bait? “Sorry. I mean thank you. I guess you startled me a little.”

“If this makes you uncomfortable, I can leave you to your screw alone,” the woman offered.

Buffy laughed. “Now what fun is that? I guess I was just surprised that this would happen here…” she trailed off not really sure how she should continue.

This time the woman laughed gently. “What? That women would even pick you up in a straight bar?”

“How do you know…” Buffy couldn’t help herself. She was relieved when the drink arrived and she was able to distract herself with playing with the straw and taking a long sip.

“I didn’t,” the woman easily admitted. “And if you don’t like to broadcast, we can play this low key.” She swung back around on her stool and faced forward, though now a little closer to Buffy. “I just figure it’s worth the risk to find out. I like to live dangerously.”

“You certainly do,” Buffy agreed. The woman glanced curiously over to her. Buffy just smiled back and sipped again at her drink. The drink wasn’t near done, but Buffy wasn’t there for social reasons. She could sense the pulse just under the skin of the neck now so close to her lips. That was what she thirsted for. Buffy leaned closer to the woman so she could lower her voice. “Do you have any other dangerous ideas?”

The woman smiled and rose from the barstool. Buffy also stood and together yet apart, they walked out of the bar. “I live just a block from here,” the woman offered.

“Lead the way,” Buffy smiled. They started together down the sidewalk when Buffy noticed an alley coming up. As they passed the alley entrance, Buffy suddenly wrapped one hand over the woman’s mouth and the other arm around her waist and dragged the woman into the alley. Holding her upright against the wall, Buffy kept a hand over the woman’s mouth as she struggled and cried and tore at the arm to try and release herself. Then the muffled screaming really began when Buffy’s face morphed. Buffy smiled again. “It’s nothing personal. I really do thank you for the drink. And in my other life, I might have even gone home with you. It’s just tonight, you lived too dangerously.” Buffy tried to calm and control the woman’s struggles as she bent forward and slipped her fangs into that waiting neck. She pressed forward into the warm body, pulled the sweet and tangy blood from the artery that was now slowing its flow. Held the woman, her fingers tangled in the long hair, until she was fully drained and gone. Buffy carried her to the back of the alley and hid her a little behind a dumpster. The afterglow made it feel a little disrespectful but the practice of self perseverance took over. She felt great. She wondered if she should find another bar.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Xander and Willow to meet up again behind an old storage shed in the same area they were before. “That was fun,” Xander exclaimed, now his old bouncy self. He always felt better after the first kill.

“Mine was religious,” Willow confessed. “He held out a crucifix that he kept on a chain around his neck.”

“Ouch,” Xander sympathized.

“Surprisingly, not so much,” Willow corrected. “It just pissed me off. Once I tore it off him it was no problem. He did pray the whole time I fed. But that didn’t seem to do anything either. Maybe it’s the size that matters…” she trailed off in thought.

“Hey!” Xander objected. “Never say that around a guy. I don’t care what you’re talking about.” He added a goofy grin to the comment and Willow just rolled her eyes. He remembered noticing something then and was happy to change the subject. “Willow, before, when we were picking who we wanted, you didn’t flip your coin.”

“Well yeah,” Willow was a little startled he would bring it up, “I never flip it for the first feeding.” She looked at him and waited for him to remember, waited for understanding to show in his eye. It didn’t. “Xander, I need to feed. I don’t have a problem with surviving. The coin flip is for when I just want more. When I want and want. It just… it just helps me if I can leave it up to chance. I always seem to get into trouble when I start taking something just because I want it.” Willow started to get a faraway look in her eyes. She leaned back against the shed and looked down at the ground.

Xander wasn’t sure what was wrong or what he did wrong, but he wanted to try and fix it. He stood right next to Willow and raised her chin so he could kiss her softly. “Hey, I’m sorry. I guess I forgot or something. I’m just so used to seeing you flip a coin it was strange not to see it. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“That’s not it,” Willow assured him. “You didn’t say anything wrong. I just… I think I’ve been doing something wrong. Again.”

Xander drew Willow to him and wrapped his arms around her. Whatever was going on, he wanted, and with a fresh kill now running through his veins, needed full contact. “Okay, I’m ready. Spill.”

“Xander!” Willow protested as she slapped him on the butt. His answering chuckle was reassuring. “Okay, I think I told you and Buffy how I can’t ground myself and pull power from the earth anymore for magic, but I can connect to some mystery power in the ocean, right?”

“Yeah, I remember. Will, you don’t need any extra power anymore. We’re not fighting anything. We’re done.” Xander wasn’t completely sure where this was going but he knew it was on its way to a place he wouldn’t like.

“I know, I just…” Willow snuggled a little closer to Xander and started to confess into his shirt. “I keep going back. And now it’s talking to me in my head. It knows I’m there. I don’t need the power. I think last time it even said I don’t. I’m not sure. It was the first time that happened and I haven’t been back yet. I was going to go back tonight, but then you… And anyway, I don’t need it, but I can’t stop wanting it. Or at least knowing that I can reach into it if I do need it. I mean, what if I need to do something big?”

“Stop,” Xander gently interrupted Willow. “Stop it right there.” He backed Willow up a little so he could look into her eyes. She didn’t want to meet his gaze, but he kept trying until she gave up. “You know I love you.” He said it as a statement of fact, not a question, but waited for her answering nod anyway. “And you, I know, you will always have to learn about something. To figure it out. Like the research you were doing today. Or why some big ol’ body of water is talking to you.” He paused and kissed her before saying the next part. “But what you don’t need to do any more is this ‘do something’ thing. You don’t need to power up. You have to decide, Willow.”

“Decide?” Willow hesitantly asked.

“Yes. Decide if you can be just how you are. Just like me and Buffy. In the world just how it is. No playing goddess, major mojo, I can fix everything if I need to. Just you and me and Buffy. Buffy’s calling is gone. That roar I felt each night is now just a faint cry. I get it. I do. It’s just us now. No big cause to focus on. No next battle to prepare for. No purpose. Willow, you need to decide if you can also let it go. You need to choose.”

Willow pounded his chest once in anger and then fell into his arms. “I just lost such a big part of myself when that damn vampire turned me.” She took comfort in hearing his acknowledgement as he rubbed her back. “I wanted to keep everything I had. I wanted to make it right.” He kept agreeing so she kept going. “That goddess feeling I had… I’m never going to get that back, am I?” She pulled away a little then so she could see his face. His expression was kind as he shook his head. Willow pushed herself away and out of his embrace. “It’s not fair! This shouldn’t have fucking happened to me!”

Xander watched as Willow stood there fuming and rigid in anger at the precipice. She’d been so quick with the rationalizations all this time as he and Buffy worked through what happened and the discord of memories in this new life. It was about time she got angry. “Will, there’s been a lot of things that shouldn’t have fucking happened.” There, that got her to focus on him. “It’s just us now. And I guess our stray human. I don’t need to destroy the world. Buffy doesn’t need to save the world. And you don’t need to change the world.”

“I…” Willow started to deny the intent, hesitated as she remembered the truth and the anger deflated a little.

Xander smiled softly and took a hesitant step forward. “We don’t need Super-Willow. What if I became a master vampire with minions and tried to turn this city into a vampire haven? Or what if Buffy started working with the slayers? It’d screw us up. Upset the balance. Turn us away from each other. And we’re all we got. It’s just us now. Willow, you have to choose.” 

Willow closed her eyes and pictured the scenarios Xander suggested. Finally, she saw it, what he’d been trying to tell her. Willow opened her eyes, shook her head and stumbled the few steps back into Xander’s arms. “If you put it that way, it’s you and Buffy of course.” She smiled weakly as he pulled her into another hug. “I guess you pulled me back from the brink again.”

“It’s what I do.” Xander sounded casual but was actually relieved.

Willow pulled back again. “You know I’m still going to do some magic. Cause, well, that’s just what I do. It’s a part of me even now.”

“I know.” Xander assured her. “That’s not what I was talking about. I think you know that’s not what I was talking about.”

“I know.” Willow admitted. “I just wanted to make sure you knew,” she finished with a smile.

“You good? We good?” Xander checked in.

“Yes, we’re good,” Willow gave in and visibly relaxed.

“Good enough to eat?” Xander was back to bouncing a little though he was trying to hold it in.

Willow laughed. Emotional storms passed so quickly now. Her swirling thoughts had yet to settle completely, but Willow ignored them and instead focused on Xander. “My coin is at the ready. Where do you want to go next?”

“Good. It’ll make you feel better. You’ll see,” Xander promised. He looked around. Made a show of sniffing the air. “Let’s take this to the college. Still keeping with the old times theme and coeds smell nicer.”

Willow rolled her eyes but with a smile.

* * *

Buffy casually strolled down one of the quieter side streets. She decided to make a greater loop of the area. She headed to Cornwall Ave. and the newer residential area over there. Inner Bellingham was building up. The younger mindset wanted to live just up the street from the theater and the museums, restaurants and clubs. It was the perfect area when she just wanted to hunt and hunt. Buffy was approaching the entrance of a small alley between two closed office buildings. She heard the grunts and thuds of an intense battle. Heard the rattle of steel tossed and fallen. Even from this distance, she knew these sounds all too well. She slipped to the front of the alley and peeked around. She quickly recognized the fight, the odds, the fact that she was witnessing the end; whatever the outcome. The vampire was advancing on the young woman as she backed slowly further down the short, narrow dead-end alley. Her hands were empty, her head turning side to side searching, while keeping rapt attention on the foe in front of her. Buffy noticed then the saber on the ground and out of reach. Suddenly, the end took place. The girl dove to the side. The vampire leapt after her. A tussle on the ground and a broken piece of pallet used as a stake. Dust settled over the bleeding and bruised victorious young woman.

A slayer. Buffy knew on some level there must be one somewhere in this small city. Willow’s spell awoke anyone with any potential. Still, it was shocking to see. And Buffy noted this one had some amount of training. At least she doubted any old kid who just woke up with powers suddenly started patrolling with a saber and knew to look for a random piece of wood. And she could fight. Buffy wasn’t sure what to make of this or what to do. Was there a watcher here with her? Were they that organized yet? Buffy didn’t recognize her from the Sunnydale potentials. She would have remembered the blond and red streaked shoulder length hair. The attitude that told her to wear black jeans, black tee-shirt and combat boots. She had fingerless leather gloves on for crying out loud. She definitely would have remembered that. Or all the tattoos up her arms that colored her white skin. Buffy wondered for a moment how the slayer healing from all the cuts she was sure to get would affect the tattoos.

The young woman stumbled back up the alley a little to pick up her saber. She looked it over then dejectedly leaned back against a wall. She was breathing hard. Hurt, but not mortally wounded. She limped, her jaw was bruised, her mouth bloody, her shirt was torn with a cut to her side. She closed her eyes for a moment then looked up towards the sky. “Ernesto, I miss you. You were right, you know. See, I was someone who might be chosen to be a Slayer. I know the Watchers Council kicked you out a while ago. I know you said they’re a bunch of complete hijos de puta. But, I was chosen. I’m the Slayer. They have to send someone now, right? I can’t keep doing this alone. I wish I could have saved you that night. Those things… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Buffy watched quietly and hidden as the girl broke down into tears. Seeing her like this, Buffy thought the girl was probably no older than she herself was when she was called. Buffy could do a few things here. She could kill the young slayer. She knew she could. Even trained, this girl was no match for her. She could put this kid out of her destined misery. But it was her destiny and it wasn’t Buffy’s choice to make for her. She could move on and let her live. They would have a slayer in the city but they would know who and could probably just stay clear. Call it killer courtesy. She’s the last one who should judge. The problem was she might just one day get that Watcher. Buffy had a good idea what happened. Some ex-Watcher trained her and the Council never even knew about her but the Bringers did. The new slayers would form something though. They would at least try to find her, Buffy reasoned. And when they did, they might find them. There was a part of Buffy that just wanted to tell the girl the whole story and let her know she didn’t have to be a slayer at all. That she could run away from all of this. But when Buffy noticed the girl’s tears dry and the determined look return to her eyes, she knew that wouldn’t work. Buffy paused to reflect on this for another long moment. She was about to kill the protector of this city’s humanity. Not for the flimsy excuse of taking this girl out of her destined misery, but for the selfish reason that she might someday expose them. Everything inside her told her to just let this girl be, but the truth was she would sacrifice that everything for Willow and Xander. They needed to keep their secret, at least to the best of their ability for a while longer.

Buffy stepped out from hiding and entered the alley. She walked steadily and slowly towards the girl and stopped a respectful distance away. Buffy noticed the girl look up curiously then the warning buzz must have warmed the back of her neck because the girl stood up and away from the wall and faced Buffy, saber in hand. “You have one more fight,” Buffy advised her.

The girl drew the saber to the ready and positioned her stance. She gave Buffy no indication of the limp she saw earlier, showed no weakness of injury. Buffy reminded herself to give this girl all due respect and not be careless. Not that she was ever truly careless in a fight. Buffy’s face remained human and she made no move yet to advance on the young slayer. “What’s your name?” Buffy casually asked.

“What?” The girl was tired and hurt and had just been putting all that mentally aside for the inevitable. She wasn’t prepared for conversation. In fact, she had never talked to the vampires she had killed. She wondered if her instinct was right. She was a little confused.

Buffy offered a small smile. “What’s your name? Someone will miss you, right? I want to make sure they find out.”

Confusion was lost to rising anger. “You seem pretty sure of yourself!” the slayer spat. 

“I am,” Buffy calmly replied. “Seriously, I’ll make sure they find out. What’s your name?”

“There’s no-one,” the all too young girl revealed with heated venom. “They killed my mom. And my… my love,” she finished with a choked sob. “Now there’s just me. But don’t think that means I intend to lose this.” She straightened up and tightened her stance.

“Wow, I never went there,” Buffy commented, thinking she must be referring to the Ernesto in the overheard conversation as her love. “All the more reason to know your name,” Buffy persisted.

“If it will get this show on the road, Marissa Kelley.” The young slayer really did just want to get this over with. The talking with them thing was unsettling and the young woman in front of her still looked so human and non-threatening. She knew better. Kept reminding herself of the truth. Her muscles were getting tired of being tense and at the ready. She was so tired at apparently being abandoned or forgotten by the Watchers. “What does it matter?”

“It matters. I know what slayers go through. No slayer should just be forgotten,” Buffy seemed to read the girl’s mind. “Do you know who I am?”

The young woman just stared at Buffy for a long moment but nothing came to her. She wasn’t a movie or singing star that she knew of. They didn’t know each other’s names, so it wasn’t anyone from the school she used to go to. She honestly drew a blank. “No. Should I?”

Buffy was a little surprised and had to admit more than a little hurt. Maybe… She did mention her Watcher/lover was thrown out. That left only one thing to check. “Well, not to seem too full of myself, but yes. I guess it doesn’t matter. So, no dreams then?”

“Dreams?” It took the girl a moment. “You mean Slayer dreams? Not that it’s any of your business, but no, not yet. Look, you mentioned something about fighting?”

“Right. Anytime you’re ready.” Buffy spread her arms wide. “And I really am sorry about this.”

It was all just too much and the young slayer snapped. She rushed forward, the saber a blur. Buffy dodged and feinted, waiting, waiting… There. Buffy slipped in and grabbed the arm that held the saber and twisted. The short sword bounced and rattled uselessly on the pavement. The slayer twisted back, hit Buffy on the jaw as hard as she could with her other hand and broke free. She stumbled further down the alley to regroup. She stumbled towards where she hoped to find that bit of broken pallet she used before.

Buffy remembered that move from the fight she witnessed before and ran to cut her off. She corralled the young woman to the other side of the alley. The blow to the jaw and the instinct of the fight truly engaged brought the demon to the fore finally. Buffy noticed the faintest trace of fear in the girl’s eyes. Could smell it around her. She wondered how often that happened to her when she was a slayer. Fangs now fully extended, Buffy remembered what Willow said about slayer blood; how it held power, how it burned. The experienced fighter in her put a choke hold on the demon and forced herself to pause. She had the young slayer backed against the wall. Let her make the next move to try and get out.

It was just as Buffy thought. The instinct of the slayer was to get past her; to the saber, to the pallet, to any sort of weapon, just get past her. So she tried to get through Buffy. There was a flurry of punches and kicks designed to push Buffy back. Buffy blocked most. Some stung. Some connected and hurt like hell. She was enjoying this. She let herself move back a little and just as the slayer made a move to dart past, Buffy was able to catch hold and swing one of the slayer’s arms up and against the slayer’s back; dislocating her shoulder. Buffy held the slayer tight against her and sank her fangs deep into her neck. She noticed the young woman stopped fighting then. The struggle was over. Still, she held tight and drank freely. Soon, she was resting Marissa Kelly on the pavement.

Buffy didn’t quite get to the mouth of the alley before she doubled over and fell to her knees. The blood from the slayer was indeed hot and powerful and she could feel it burning through her but something was wrong. Before she could understand what was going on, Buffy was throwing up onto the pavement. Only when the last of what was so recently won and taken had left her body could she stand. Shaken, she hurried out of the alley and turned down the street. It must be her slayer side. It was the only thing it could be. But she didn’t know why. She had an idea who might know. She started to feel a little stronger, a little more settled, so started on her way to The Hungry Ghost. Maybe Jack had some idea. Even if not, after all that she damn well needed a drink.

* * *

A state university was never really closed for summer. Grad students and interns worked on grant and research projects. The university hosted conventions, seminars and study programs. The lights were still on. But the immense population of the young and transient had already flown to their off season destinations and at night, the campus was much quieter. Xander and Willow wandered together along the main paths and in the courtyards waiting for the stray human to wander into sight. 

“I wish I could see this place in the day,” Willow mused aloud. “Take classes here. It looks like a nice college. It looks like a college should.”

“I guess,” Xander shrugged. “They built it right into the hill though. Can you imagine running up and down with a heavy book bag? This whole city is up and down hills. I’m just glad we don’t tire easy.”

“Wimp,” Willow accused. 

“Wimp?” Xander challenged. He looked around and spotted a granite sculpture of a man seated with some sort of animal on his lap. Xander wrapped his arms around the sculpture, bent his legs and pulled hard. The large heavy granite piece tipped and fell forward. He laid it to rest so that the man was now bent over the animal in a suggestive manner. He turned, smiled and walked back over to Willow. “The Mystery Vandal’s no wimp.”

“Xander!” Willow couldn’t help but laugh even as she slapped his shoulder when he came within reach. “That was a work of art. One of the university garden sculptures.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Xander acknowledged. “The place has plenty.” They started moving away from the scene of the crime. “And I didn’t break it, I just made it funny. Have you noticed the whole city tries to make everything artistic? I’m just doing my part.”

“Yeah well, then do your part with the cover up,” Willow suggested by nodding to the approaching security guard.

“Sure, but why not you?” Xander offered.

“I already flipped,” Willow shrugged as the guard deliberately headed for them. 

“Okay.” Xander nodded to Willow and then turned to the guard just as the man arrived. Before he could even ask them any questions, Xander let the demon surface, grabbed the man and fed. He dumped the body behind some bushes just off the path. “Let’s keep going.”

After finding a couple more kills, Xander and Willow sat together beside a large fountain in a main courtyard. “Xander,” Willow started into the comfortable silence, “have you ever wondered why in a city next to the water where it rains all the time they also have so many fountains around?”

Xander gave the question a long moment of thought. It was that kind of night. “I guess they just like being wet. You feel better now?”

“Yeah,” Willow admitted. “You still stuck in memory lane?”

“Yeah,” Xander also admitted, “a little. A human Cordy this morning and then Buffy’s thing.”

“I’m not sure what got into Buffy.” Willow leaned against Xander and into his arms, but looked out across the campus and over to the lights of ships on the bay. “I mean, bringing up all that. Maybe her need for danger and a fight is rising.”

“I don’t think that’s it,” Xander tried to reassure. “I’ve been wondering a little too. We… we do this now, the sex. And there’s this freedom now. You can’t say we have many inhibitions. I think we just want to know. Everything.”

Willow thought about what he said until her thoughts began to wander. “So, did you?”

“Did I what?” Xander was holding her close. He could feel the bond and the memories were already so close but he still could not read her mind. 

“Did you ever fantasize about me?” Willow stayed motionless and stared across to the Salish Sea as she waited for the answer.

Xander kissed her neck then whispered in her ear. “Yes.”

Willow turned around and faced him. “When? What fantasy?”

“Let me just say first that I did always notice you, it’s just you were the one thing I had in my crazy mixed up life that I couldn’t screw up. With my parents and everything… I needed you. And I was afraid, I was sure I would screw it up.” Xander stopped and kissed her. “I need you to understand that.”

“You always noticed me?” Willow smiled uncertainly.

“Yes,” Xander confirmed. “I just couldn’t take the chance, so I shoved the feelings away and only let them out when I was alone. You could say I always fantasized about you. Just in secret. Starting in about sixth grade.”

“In sixth grade you were crushing on Harmony,” Willow reminded him none too gently.

“Hey, we agreed never to bring that up!” Xander playfully argued. “She did get boobs before everyone else…” He drifted off in mock remembrance with a smile. He returned his gaze to Willow, smile still in place. “You. I kept thinking of you. After we practiced dancing that night in your room so we would know what to do if we were ever asked…”

“I kept thinking about that, too!” Willow interrupted. “If you were thinking it and I was thinking it, why didn’t we just…”

“Because I couldn’t risk it,” Xander gently reminded her. “You were my only family, Willow. Well, the only one that wasn’t drunk and didn’t hit me.” He quickly tried to move the conversation to better thoughts. “You know what really got me? That Halloween night with the costume spell. I thought of that for a long time. And of course who could forget the first vampire Willow?” Xander grinned in what he hoped was an impish and roguish manner. “I think you need to buy that leather outfit.”

Willow laughed, letting go for the moment the harsh realities of their childhoods and what might have been. Instead, she focused as Buffy had done, as Xander was suggesting, on the fantasies. “I’m not buying or wearing that outfit. I’m not that vampire anymore.” Willow ran her hand through Xander’s hair and kissed him deeply. “I imagined me and you at night all those years as well. So, in a way, I guess it was like it was really happening.”

Xander kissed her again. “Just in secret. Well, I guess the fluke brought it out in the open for a time. You know now, without the guilt bugging me, I like thinking back on that.”

“You’re so bad,” Willow admonished as she unbuttoned his shirt a little and ran her hand over his chest. “You know what I kept remembering tonight? All those times we would just walk at night in the summer, sort of patrolling. I kept wishing something would happen.”

“Something like what?” Xander asked as he slipped his hand under Willow’s shirt to cup her breast. He kissed her, his other hand tangled gently in her hair. As he pulled away from the kiss, his hand dropped from her hair to the front of his jeans and started undoing them. “Something like this?”

Willow looked around. “Here?”

Xander gave her a short reassuring kiss. Both his hands were now undoing her pants and lowering them. “Why not? My fantasy too. Patrolling, kissing, we can’t wait and there’s no place to go so we find a secluded place outside…”

Willow cut him off with another kiss as she let him undress her. She reached gently into his jeans and started to stroke his cock. He was ready, hard, and she straddled his lap with his help and guided his cock inside. Her knees scraped on the cement of the fountains edge on either side of him and she didn’t think to wonder why she liked the pain. His thrusts forced his cock deep. She bounced, impaling herself, compelling the most sensation. She pulled his shirt off him and dug her nails into his back. Her head rested on his shoulder as she clung to him. Willow felt Xander start to stroke her clit and she knew he was nearing climax. She tangled her hands in his hair and kissed him hard, her tongue stroking his own, playing freely around blunt teeth. Enjoying the fact they didn’t need to breathe, they both climaxed, first one then the other, as they kissed. As they calmed down, a stray thought wandered into Willow’s mind. “Xander, your fantasy, weren’t you worried about a vampire interrupting us if we were having sex outside in Sunnydale?”

Xander just laughed and held Willow a little tighter. “That’s the great thing about fantasies. You can edit.”

“Oh, right.” Willow thought about it a moment. “I always stopped at the kissing part outside and brought it back to my house for the rest.”

“Well,” Xander reasoned, “you always were the more sensible one.”

“Speaking of…” Willow got up off Xander’s lap and looked at her torn up knees. The scrapes were already healing. She smiled and started to get dressed. “You want to head back down? Maybe go to The Hungry Ghost?”

Xander’s jeans were closed and he was doing up the buttons on his shirt. “Sounds good.”

* * * 

Buffy walked down Cornwall toward the lower part of town. Instead of turning onto Holly to reach Railroad, she skipped the busier part of the night life and kept on to the smaller side roads and the back way to The Hungry Ghost. There were two of them: some drunken college boys, assholes, who were looking for trouble or someone to pick on. They got in her way. It felt good to pound them before she fed. And their blood went down smooth and easy. She was reassured a little but still wanted some answers. She was almost there, had just turned down a small side street that led to Railroad right beside The Hungry Ghost. A vampire approached purposely. They both stopped; a respectful distance between them.

“Do you know who I am?” the vampire ordered rather than asked.

Buffy just calmly looked at the man. Middle aged, Latin, well dressed and highly decorated with men’s jewelry; it was all for show and somehow looked awkward on him. He gave the effect of having something to prove and always having to prove it. Buffy was fairly sure she had no idea who this guy was. “You know, it’s the strangest de je, I was just saying that same thing earlier tonight. No. I don’t know who you are. Should I?” Buffy appeared nonchalant as she glanced around for any others.

He wasn’t fooled by her bored look. He knew she was seeing if they were truly alone. They were. This was something he had to do himself. And he was sure, fairly sure, he could do it. “I’m Reyes. I’m the master vampire in this city. I am the master here. And I know who you are.”

“Oh for crying out loud,” Buffy uttered to herself. “This is what passes for a master here?” She steadied her stance and called out a little louder. “You know who I am? Look, I’m having kinda a night. And I gotta tell ya, I don’t care. If you know who I am, you know it’s not my job to worry about masters anymore. Leave me and my friends alone and we won’t have a problem.”

“You come into my town, you have to go by my rules,” Reyes began.

“I gotta stop ya right there,” Buffy interrupted. She was not going to live by some wanna be master vampire’s rules.

“That’s what I thought.” Reyes moved forward a little. “I control this town. And after I’ve killed the famous Buffy slayer, even if she is now a vampire, no-one will dare think of trying to oppose me again.”

“There’s a problem with that,” Buffy smiled as she pointed out.

“What’s that?” Reyes looked around to see if any of her friends had come to her rescue. None had.

“You have to kill me, stupid.” Buffy leapt into the fight. Faster than he was expecting, she landed blows and kicks while skirting his lumbering attempts. She hadn’t even changed to her vampire visage yet, instead letting the slayer have her fun. She didn’t have a stake though, and didn’t see any weapon of convenience in the street. As a series of punches to the face and a kick to the legs brought him to his knees, a thought occurred to her. She quickly got behind him and put both her feet on his calves. She grabbed his head with both hands and twisted it to the side and up as hard as she could. He screamed. Buffy heard the crack of the spine as his head was pulled from his body. Then it all turned to dust. She smiled. She honestly smiled and jumped up and down a little, shaking the fight and the dust from her body. She stretched herself out and relaxed. She didn’t feel the ‘buzz’, the feedback of the calling. But some part of her just felt good. She turned to continue on to the bar, needing a drink now more than ever, when she was stopped again.

Jack stepped out of the shadows well away from Buffy. “That was impressive.”

Buffy stopped up short, defensive. She lowered her guard when she recognized who was standing before her now. “Thanks. How much did you see?”

“Just the end. One of my men came to tell me there was trouble.” Jack came a little closer knowing now he wouldn’t be attacked. “Are you injured?”

“Me? No,” Buffy scoffed. “He didn’t even lay a hand on me.” She paused for a moment and motioned to the dust on the street. “Look, I’m sorry about that. He came looking for me. He knew who I was and thought he’d score some points. I know you don’t like violence.”

Jack smiled and walked slowly even closer until he was a conversational distance away. “I think you know I don’t necessarily run from it either. I understand. Reyes was an idiot. The kind who trusts no-one, so I’m sure he told no-one.”

“Well, that’s good I guess.” Buffy wasn’t sure what to say now.

“You didn’t even change to the vampire. Am I to guess that the slayer did that? You looked pleased.” Jack was hoping, maybe, he could gain some insight.

“She is I guess. This time. It’s been a strange night,” Buffy hedged, then remembered she hoped for some information. It was always give a little and receive a little between them. “It felt good. But I don’t have the buzz from the calling I guess. Willow called it feedback. I used to get all juiced up. For healing or whatever. I don’t feel the connection now. But it didn’t suck. Jack…” Buffy got his attention and looked him in the eyes. “Earlier tonight, I killed and fed off a slayer. Just some young girl called up by Willow’s spell. Anyway, after I fed, I threw it all back up. Do you know why? Ever hear of that happening?”

Jack didn’t try to hide his shock. They had talked a few times since Buffy had found his bar, and in those few times he had learned a little. Probably more than most, yet still only a little but this most of all: close yourself off, don’t share, and there will be no trust. He wanted trust. He trusted her. Those few times and already he could say he trusted her. She knew a little and more than most about him. He too gave that trust to almost no-one. “Buffy, I wasn’t aware there was a slayer. And no, I have never heard of that happening. I can only guess… the Slayer… I don’t know why. You have never happened.”

“Yeah, I was afraid of that,” Buffy relented and diverted her eyes. “You know, I don’t get that. I mean for centuries, there’s been vampires and there’s been Slayers, you’d think…”

“But none who would let a vampire get that close.” When Buffy looked over to him, Jack continued. “There’s never been a Slayer who’s been so close to a vampire that even at death she clung so dearly that she drank. Even if a loved one is turned, they seek vengeance. You…”

“Always had a soft spot for vampires as Xander would say,” Buffy interrupted.

“Really?” Jack again didn’t bother to hide his surprise.

Buffy laughed. “Long stories. Other times. Maybe that’s why my karma’s so messed up it came to this though.”

Jack’s voice dropped calm and serious. “This wasn’t Karma, Buffy. You were the world’s protector and paid a great price while doing it. You saved this world, many times. The things that happened before. This now. It isn’t Karma.” He remembered to lighten up a little, that she was using the word as the common ‘this for that’ that it had become. “I’m sorry. My monk training from too long ago still bursts out I’m afraid. Still, please understand this, Karma is not that simple. You did this so now that happened. It’s more complicated.”

Buffy smiled and nodded to let him know it was alright. She started walking again and lead them down the street toward the entrance of the bar. “I gotta tell ya, the things I’ve seen, what’s happened to me now… There is nothing complicated enough to explain this.”

Jack laughed. “Just please know you did not bring this on yourself. Even if, as you say, you always had the hots for vampires.”

Buffy slapped Jack across the chest. “I said Xander said I had a soft spot for vampires.” She looked over at him playfully. He was well dressed as usual in black slacks and this night it was a purple silk shirt with red threads randomly running through. He wore it right and was dressed to impress no-one. It just impressed. “You wish.” She smiled at his unapologetic grin. “Well, one thing can be said for all this. At least now I get to really see behind the curtain of death and remember it.”

“True,” Jack conceded. “Though life always felt like a big curiosity as well. I guess that’s why I’ve spent the centuries a part of it where I could.”

“Talk to Xander for us,” Buffy asked of him as they rounded the corner onto Railroad and approached the entrance to the bar. “I still think he doesn’t understand why we don’t just live in a sewer.”

“Well, for one thing, they stink,” Jack observed as he opened the door to his club and gestured Buffy in.

“Exactly.” Buffy headed straight for the bar and that much wanted and deserved drink.

* * *

Willow and Xander walked into The Hungry Ghost and found Buffy at the bar talking with the bartender. Tonight the bar was kept by a Drudloc demon. He appeared to be an older gentleman with graying blue spiky hair and wrinkles around his violet eyes and natural red lips. The kind of age lines you get from smiling all your life. He was quick to joke, laugh and tease; projecting a warmth and humor that could diffuse most situations. This ability combined with a innate radar for trouble and danger made him a natural for this job. He had finally got Buffy truly laughing as Willow and Xander joined her.

Buffy hugged and kissed each of them in greeting. “You guys have a good night?”

Xander nodded as Willow sat down beside Buffy and he settled in, standing close beside Willow and facing both women. “It was good and interesting. The docks, the college. You?”

“Together?” Buffy continued on when all she got for an answer was a confirmation shrug and smile from Willow. “I went bar hunting. It turned out to be a strange one. But, we can talk about our nights later. When we don’t have to shout over the music. Right now, I just want to relax with my best buds.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Willow readily raised her newly arrived drink and toasted. 

Xander took a long draught of his regular order of beer before asking, “Where’s Jack?”

“He had to go to the back rooms,” Buffy answered then finished her own beer and signaled for another.

Jack stood at the end of the balcony near the door to his office and watched the three young vampires from Sunnydale below. Whether it was from his presence near them and obvious interest in them when they visited his establishment or just a natural aura they projected, it was already generally understood they were to be left alone. The seats beside Buffy were empty until Willow and Xander came in. No-one attempted to pick them up or ask them to dance. Alone or together, they were left unmolested in the club. Jack smiled as he watched them laughing over something and Buffy playfully slapped Willow’s thigh as Xander leaned forward seemingly in her defense, probably trying to explain. 

Jack gripped the top of the balcony railing and leaned forward himself. He couldn’t hear the conversation over the deep bass and pulsing beat of the European dance music that he preferred. He wasn’t trying to hear them. He was caught suddenly by the dynamics of it all. Jack had learned a bit over the conversations they shared the times they had been in. He had heard the stories and had sought more since knowing they had some truth to them. A Slayer, a Witch and just… just a human friend. Yet this just human had saved the world from the witch when even the Slayer could not, and he had saved the Slayer before as well. So here it was- Willow sired Buffy who sired Xander who had once stood up and saved the world from Willow. Jack watched them closely as they laughed, joked and teased each other; the touches and shifts in coupling body language moving around the three, effortlessly tossing the upper hand about with negligent whims. 

A feeling so long forgotten, so foreign to him washed through him that it shocked him out of his revelry. It took Jack a long moment to place it, so unfamiliar was this shaking heat: envy. He closed his eyes and calmed his mind, gently dispelling the sudden wave and finding his balance once more. He shook his head and smiled again. It was just another law broken. He shouldn’t have been surprised. It was obvious now watching them that the rules of Sire/childe didn’t strictly apply. Their bonds from before their turning must somehow transcend the childe is submissive to the Sire roles. It wasn’t completely unheard of, just rare. He had needed to negotiate and ask for his freedom. And still, even now, if his Sire asked something of him… 

Jack let that go and watched the three young vampires again. Buffy was stealing a sip of Willow’s Bloody Mary as Willow was distracted by something his bartender was saying and Xander looked for all the world, standing there between them, sipping his beer and looking around the club, like he was here with his ladies and the one in control. Jack smiled and bowed. He realized he learned much tonight of them and of himself. He turned away from the scene and entered his office.

* * *

Giles sat content at the end of the sofa. The night was late, the lights were low; a decanter of good scotch and a newly refreshed glass were on the end table beside him. Jenny lay curled up on the sofa with her head resting on his lap. He had been absently stroking her hair for so long and she had stayed so still, he wondered now if she was asleep. His mind had been drifting about the last hour or so, from the mundane decision to let the dirty dishes from dinner go until tomorrow, to the stronger translation of Marcus he had just received and the possibilities he could foresee from the entries he had read so far, back to wondering if he would ever get used to folding Jenny’s under things when doing the laundry. He took a sip of his scotch just as Jenny stretched and repositioned a little. Maybe she was awake.

“Rupert,” Jenny quietly broke the silence and both their thoughts. “Dinner really was great. Thank you.”

Giles smiled down at her head though she was facing the room and couldn’t see. “So you’ve already said. And you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it.”

“I didn’t know you could cook Italian,” Jenny continued the benign conversation. She started stroking his leg absently and stared out into the dimly lit room.

“Italian is simple,” Giles confessed. He started stroking her hair again. “I can cook simple things. I was a bachelor for many years, remember.”

Jenny smiled. She almost turned over so he could see it but chose to remain facing away. “I was single myself, you know. Cooking for one… I just never saw the attraction. I’m glad one of us knows how. Should we get up to clean the mess?” The sudden opportunity for procrastination seemed a wonderful idea. She really didn’t want to have the conversation she was trying to bring up the courage for.

“They can wait.” Giles felt warm, sleepy and content. The only thing he wanted to move for was the bed and even that he felt was optional.

Thus defeated, Jenny knew it was time. She had been putting it off all night. Putting it off until now it was even too late. But she had to say this, had to tell him about what she’d done and what she’d learned. The last hours spent trying to figure out why it happened hadn’t led to any real answers, nor had she come up with any great way to bring it up. That left just bringing it up. “Rupert, I have to confess something. And you’re going to be angry with me. That’s alright, you should be angry with me.”

“Jenny?” Giles stopped stroking her hair and reached again for his glass of scotch.

Jenny decided to stay on his lap and continue to look out into the room, choosing to feel his reaction rather than see it at first. “Last night, after you were asleep, I went back out.” She felt him stiffen and squeezed his thigh briefly in acknowledgement. She started stroking the top and side of his leg again. “I don’t know why, I just had to. I saw Xander and Willow. They didn’t see me. I followed them to where they spend the day. I know where they stay now. It was… it was this damn bond I have with them. I’m sure of it.”

Giles was fully awake now and true; even angry. He tried not to just stand up, not to just lash out. He knew… he knew there was a bond, a spell, that she had been called back to a purpose bound to that role. Knowing these things didn’t lessen this initial feeling of betrayal. And worry. He was scared for her. And for them. He tried, but he couldn’t keep his voice from dropping lower or speaking in harsh clipped edges. “Jenny. You could have been hurt. Or worse. We don’t know what they would or can do to you. Why… why go back alone? Without me? Why sneak out?”

Jenny squeezed his leg again and snuggled even tighter to him. She could hear the anger in his voice, but overall it was going better than she feared and she began to hope. After that the confession just spilled. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure that out all day and night.” She took a deep breath. “It happened again today as well. I went out to go to the computer store and I ended up at the building where they stay. Even though it was the day and they wouldn’t be out. But I was there, just in time to see Cordelia leave. She’s definitely not a vampire, by the way. I didn’t go out thinking I was going to check on them. I was just compelled. I ended up sitting in a diner, eating lunch and just watching the building until I came to my senses and could go on with my day the way I had planned. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I swore I would tell you tonight. I just… I didn’t know how to tell you. I don’t know what’s going on or why but I know I don’t want it to happen behind your back.” She finished the confession as well and as strongly as she could.

Giles felt her clinging to him. He listened to the words and let them filter all the way through to the reasoned part of his brain. Years of hearing bad news, of being told the story after the fact had given him some practice at emotional control and patience of mind. This hurt, yes. But it always hurt. He reminded himself that there were greater forces at play here than he or Jenny could control. There always seemed to be greater forces at work than could be controlled. What she learned could be dealt with tomorrow. What was important tonight was the two of them. What they could control. “Jenny,” he started in a much softer tone than he had used earlier. “I won’t say I’m not hurt or upset. I’m not sure I understand either, but I do believe that you didn’t willfully do this behind my back. I’m concerned for your safety. All of this, why it’s happening and what we can do about it can be put off for another time. Right now I want you to understand that I love you.”

“Oh, God, Rupert,” Jenny cried over expelling her held breath. She quickly brushed away an errant tear, sat up and clinched him in a bear hug. She buried her face in his shoulder and hoped she could just stay that way not quite ready yet to look into his eyes.

Giles wrapped his arms around her back and held her close. He let his memories of the joy of having her back in his life, of his second chance, balm his hurt. He let the growing comfort of the physical connection, of feeling the warmth of her breath and the scent of her hair, ease his mind. Anything, everything was worth this. Finally, gently, he pushed her away just enough so he could see her face, look into her eyes. She avoided it at first, but then relented. Any lingering doubts of willful intent on her part to leave him out disappeared with the sorrow, regret and fear he found so clearly showing in those eyes. Giles cupped Jenny’s face and wiped a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. He smiled and kissed her. As he pulled back and dropped his hands to her shoulders, Jenny smiled and ran her fingers across the back of his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. A deeper, longer kiss.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jenny confessed her greatest fear.

“Love,” Giles began as he stroked her hair and smiled. “Having you here… Having this chance…” He wasn’t sure how to express these feelings. Not with words. He never could. “Come on, let’s go to bed. Tomorrow we’ll get around to washing the dishes as well as sorting all this out.”

Jenny laughed, the relief almost bringing tears again. She rose from the sofa and Giles’s embrace and extended a hand to help him up. Together they crossed to the bedroom and prepared for sleep. They lay a few moments under the covers and in each other’s arms, still uncertain. Jenny ran her hand over his bare chest, stroking her fingers through downy wisps of hair. She could feel his steady breathing, deep and measured, but not yet the calm of sleep. He reached up and over and ran his hand down her side from her shoulder over her hips and to the skin of her thighs. Jenny gasped and bent forward to kiss him as his fingers traveled back up her thigh under her night gown to caress her ass. Jenny rolled over onto her back and tried to pull Giles over on top of her. He at least would get the hint. 

She pulled her night gown up and over her head and tossed it to the floor. Giles hovered above for a moment until she completed the undressing then bent down to caress and suck a nipple with his lips and tongue. She arched into it and then fell back onto the bed and clung onto his back as he continued relentlessly. She started to push at his pajama bottoms, trying to bunch them down over his hips. Giles moved to the other breast and rose up a little, centering himself over her and helping her in her pursuit to divest him of his clothing, even if he was distracted. Finally giving in, he took off the offending garment himself and tossed it aside. Jenny wrapped a hand around his erection; her foot started stroking his calf. He knelt before her between her legs. His hands stroked her thighs. He trailed one finger from the knee, up the inner thigh and to her center. He ran his finger between her lips and teased her clit, then down and entered her, stroking, watching her watch him, waiting and ready. 

He wanted her. Like nothing else in his life, he wanted her. He bent forward and she guided his erection into herself. Their kiss was wild with abandon as he thrust deeply and paused. Then there was rhythm, driving force met with equal force, arched backs and rapid breaths, the incoherent sounds of pleas and pleasure. Jenny wrapped her arms around his back and her legs around his hips. Her feet ran up and down whatever part of the back of his legs they could find encouraging him before she just gave up, planted her feet on the bed and braced herself in the onslaught. Her nails raked his back and tangled in his hair. He sucked the skin of her neck, her collarbone, bent to suck her breast then gave up and kissed her hard, trying to steal her moans. It felt desperate, needy, alive. When Giles pitched over the edge before he even knew his climax was near, he reached down to stroke Jenny’s clit, frantic to see her climax with him. 

After, as they lay again in each other’s arms, the mood was finally calm and assured. Jenny was running her hand through the hairs on his chest, but this time she could feel his breathing drifting off into to the shallower tempo of sleep. She was also beginning to fade, certain, for the moment, in life.


	3. day 3

The next day, early afternoon. Cordelia could tell from the watch she had thought to buy on her shopping trip. She was still sleeping on the large couch. A pillow and folded blankets now nestled into a corner. That was fine. It was long and comfortable and she was still mentally and emotionally crossing over to this new life. Even just thinking about her own space, room, was enough. She still welcomed and needed to exist in theirs. She had dared, today, to climb the stairs to that loft bedroom to use the shower. The desire to be clean, in new clothes and take a step towards that fresh start overwhelmed the qualms she still had of seeing the rest of the evidence. One bed, no mirror or toilet, and though she absolutely loved the large shower with unlimited hot water pouring out of duel shower heads, she resolutely pushed any thoughts of what they did there out of her mind as she stood still under the deluge for a time uncertain and just let it try and wash everything away. 

Cordelia was becoming more aware of her surroundings. The personal items were upstairs. She tried not to stare too long at the picture of the three of them in high school or notice the book titles, the oils and candles, the lube left out on the night stand. She tried and failed. She was beginning to see the things around her. Like the fact that they didn’t have clocks. Didn’t need them she supposed. They hadn’t even bothered to set the one on the kitchen stove. Cordelia sat at the dining table that was placed just out into the room in front of the island that separated the small kitchen from the rest of the open space. She was writing in the journal, this time and for the first time, about the present, about thoughts outside of her own mind and past. A lone glass of water was nearby as a reminder that someday soon she would have to take another step and buy food to start feeding herself. She smiled as she looked around and realized she was at least beginning to wonder about her surroundings.

Xander was under the loft with a tape measure, pad of paper and pencil. He had moved the bar they had set up against the wall under the loft to the other side of the kitchen and along that wall. It worked. They had plenty of space. He was now setting tape down on the floor for the walls and trying to remember where the pipes were in the bathroom above so he could roughly estimate for the moment the bathroom below. Cordelia’s room. He supposed he could be nice and soundproof the ceiling. Not quite the same dimensions as the loft above, not quite as large. But enough. A bedroom and bath. He still enjoyed this work: the imagination, the creation, the details. He didn’t have to admit it though. But he wasn’t complaining and was now distracted and involved with the work itself.

Buffy and Willow were seated together on the end of the couch that faced the TV. They were watching, of all things, some recorded show about vampires. Laughter, snark, and cheers occasionally spilled out over the general background noise.

“Why do you have a kitchen?” Cordelia asked to whoever might answer. “I mean, I noticed upstairs in the bathroom, you left out a toilet. So why a kitchen?”

“Look who’s waking up,” Xander commented while staring up at the ceiling under the loft trying to envision said bathroom. He frowned and mentally gave up. He’d just have to go down, get the ladder and tear down the ceiling before making any plans worth starting from.

“It’s not a home without a kitchen,” Buffy called from across the room. 

“You took out the mirror,” Cordelia was still wondering out loud.

“The mirror thing’s freaky,” Willow followed up.

Everyone was busy with their own thing at the moment and not really paying attention to her. Cordelia let the sudden absurdity of sitting at a dining table in a vampire’s home drop. She thought maybe she should take an interest in the building of her own room. Cordelia got up and walked over to Xander and the taped floor. She could see that there would be a wall closer to the kitchen, but there would still be enough room to walk around the island on that side. It would come forward into the space, but not quite as far as the loft hung over the space. It looked like he was putting the bathroom in the back and along the kitchen side wall; under their bathroom. That left the rest of her room along the outside wall and out into the rest of the space. The door was not under the stairs, but to the side near the corner that juts into the room and faced the open living area. She smiled. It was a good plan from what she could tell. She was impressed. There was just one thing…

“I like it,” Cordelia offered and smiled as she leaned against the kitchen island and looked on.

Xander looked over. “Good. It’s really the only plan that works well.” He shrugged. “Not that difficult.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Cordelia admonished. “It’s a bathroom you’re outlining there, right?”

“Yeah,” Xander pointed over to the smaller area marked out in the space. “Just have to figure out the pipes.”

Cordelia shook her head. She didn’t know when he learned this stuff, but it was apparent he knew it now. “Sounds difficult to me,” she offered. “You’re gonna remember a toilet and mirror as well as a shower, right?” She smiled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Xander waved her off. “Anything else for the lady?” he asked jokingly. He crossed his arms when he noticed her eyes spark in increased focus and interest.

Cordelia stood up and crossed into her potential space. She noticed his crossed arms and slightly defensive posture. She didn’t know if she should go up to him and touch him or leave him alone. She chose to just try and talk. She couldn’t spend her life hugging vampires every time she wanted something. The crazy mental debate leapt in and was pushed out quickly. She focused on her room. Tried to think what she would need from a space. “Light,” Cordelia gently informed him. “Good lighting in the bathroom. And…” She took a deep breath and let it out. Cordelia walked over to the wall of the would be bedroom, the outer wall of the building. She motioned to the bricked up window that would be above where she could now suddenly imagine her bed. “Please, put the window back in. I need natural light. I need the sun.”

Xander uncrossed his arms and quickly crossed over to her. “You want something that will kill us. In our own home.” He stated it more than asked it. The accusation hung there demanding an answer.

“No,” Cordelia countered. She couldn’t deny that it could kill them. She could only clarify her reasons. “I need sunlight. And this window, it’s small and on the side wall. The door faces the other way. Even if the door’s open and the window’s not shaded, it won’t shine directly into the room.” She paused. Her breathing was growing more rapid and she tried to calm down. When she had looked at her new space, the bricked in window was something she noticed. Then there was a thought, an idea, a preference. It had by now turned into a need and she wasn’t sure what to do with that. She kept talking. “I’m not trying to hurt you guys. I’m trying to help me. And honestly, if you want to know the whole truth, it will make me feel safer. I’ll have somewhere I can go.” She wasn’t even aware of the last thoughts until they spilled out with the growing panic.

“Xander,” Buffy joined in. Buffy and Willow were now standing nearby, the show on pause and for the moment forgotten. “Is she right? Will the sunlight not reach the room?”

Xander looked at the layout of tape on the floor. The door was at the far corner from the window and facing the side. He thought, he calculated…he heard Cordelia’s heart racing and could see the pain on her face. He was building Cordelia her own room after all. “Yeah, she’s mostly right. I reserve the right to put up some built in wardrobes almost in front of the door to really block any sun.”

“Deal!” Cordelia agreed without even wondering what that might do to the layout of the room and before they could change their minds. “Thank you,” she honestly put in. Her breathing was returning to regular and the building panic suddenly dropped away. “I don’t know what happened there.” She felt herself trying not to break down completely into tears.

“It’s okay,” Willow quipped. She walked up to Cordelia and took both her hands in her own. With a more gentle tone in her voice, she continued. “You know,” Willow tried to reassure her, “if we were going to eat you, we would probably do it before Xander built you a room.”

“Probably?” Xander spoke up in his own defense.

“I know,” Cordelia acknowledged the logic. “I just feel out of sorts. Not quite safe yet. I just suddenly needed…” She gave up. She had got it. She couldn’t explain the rest anyway.

“You’ll feel this way for a while,” Buffy told her. 

“Maybe I should just go to the diner. Eat something,” Cordelia didn’t want to deal with this anymore.

Willow let go of her hands. Cordelia walked back to the table and gathered the journal and a pen. She still had cash from someone. A walk to the diner, some food and maybe if she wrote it out she could figure out what was going on with her now. Another thought broke through her mental plans. More evidence of her growing awareness of her surroundings. “Why up here?”

“What do you mean?” Willow asked as she watched Cordelia begin to gather her things. 

“My room.” Cordelia turned around to face the three of them. Her coat was folded over her arm; she had her journal and Buffy’s purse. She was near the elevator door and ready to go. “There’s space downstairs. Why up here?”

“A sauna and Jacuzzi and pool table and whatever else we can think of is going in downstairs,” Buffy announced, brooking no room for argument or change in plans.

“Someday,” Willow joined in. “That is if Xander can ever get it all installed.”

“Hey!” Xander jumped into the fray. “I need professional plumbers to tie into the main lines below. They’ll want the big door open. Plus the Jacuzzi and sauna delivery needs the door open. And someone needs to supervise it all and sign stuff. And I can’t figure out how to do that yet.”

“So that’s something I can help with?” Cordelia put in; glad to be able to offer something so soon in return for a window. Grateful for the opportunity to feel useful. 

Xander thought about it for a moment as Willow and Buffy looked at him expectantly. “Yes. If you’re willing to learn the plans, we’ll try it.” He shook his head as Willow and Buffy cheered.

Cordelia finally smiled again. “Good. I’ll be back…” She thought about it for a moment. “Well, I guess I don’t know when.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Buffy offered. They didn’t have any plans. If they were gone already, it didn’t matter.

“Thanks,” Cordelia meant it to cover any or all of it and pressed the button for the elevator. She stepped in and gave them a nod goodbye just as the door closed.

* * *

The next morning, Jenny and Giles’s condo was quite. They continued to ignore last night’s dinner dishes. Giles simply moved the pots onto the counter beside the sink so he could make a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. Jenny was up with him this morning, unable to stay asleep in the bed alone. It helped that Giles had stayed in the bed longer, laying there by her side and reluctant to leave her. So a late start it was. Like the dinner dishes, they ignored the questions brought up last night as they mumbled good mornings and passed through the routine of coffee, tea and breakfast. The breakfast dishes sat ignored beside the dinner dishes. The afternoon was beginning. Though the edge in the mood wasn’t a wedge between them, it could not be ignored. They had to deal with this.

“Let me show you,” Jenny softly broke the silence. “I’ve been thinking about it, and let me show you what I know. Where they are.”

Giles was slightly surprised at the suggestion. Of course, he wanted to know. But he assumed that they would first work out her bond: why she was compelled and how she could find them. He thought they would first talk about what it meant for her safety, for their relationship. “You don’t think we should talk about this first?”

Jenny smiled and walked up to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, loosely crossing her wrists behind him and gave him a quick kiss. “Of course we should talk,” she affirmed. “Rupert, I was just thinking you should know as much as I do when we do. Equal footing. I just want to share everything, show you everything first. To be honest, I don’t think we’re going to figure out what’s going on with me. Just like we don’t know what I’m supposed to do. That only leaves figuring out how it affects us. And if we have that talk, I want you to know everything I know.”

Giles placed his hands on her hips and could feel her shifting from one foot to the other. He held her tighter to steady her and offered a small smile. “Thank you,” he acknowledged. “I fear you’re right and the thought that we might not yet understand this bond or how it affects you does frighten me. But you’re assessment of our ability to just ‘figure it out’ is probably correct, I’m afraid. I’ll take you up, on your offer to show me. Then we will talk.”

“Thank you,” Jenny punctuated the sentiment with another kiss. She let go of Giles and gathered their jackets only to take his hand in her own as they left.

The day was cool and cloudy. They started down Cornwall Ave. toward E. Holly and Railroad. Before they got too far, Jenny stopped them in front of the closed high school. She just stared at it. The architecture wasn’t similar. There was no balcony to look over in fear and realize you could run no further. She let the memory wash over her and looked again at the building. Just at the building itself. Three stories, old brick, rows of windows. Tried not to let it become a boogieman in her life. Her hand tightened its grip on Giles’s hand and she closed her eyes. 

“What do you think of when you see this?” Jenny asked him.

Giles was watching her carefully. At the question, he turned his attention to the building and considered it. “I suppose my answer will change once there are students again, but now, as an empty symbol, it only serves to remind me of Buffy, Willow and Xander and how I’ve failed them.”

Jenny turned to Giles and shook her head. “You didn’t do this. You couldn’t have stopped this.”

Giles cupped her chin to stop the movement and stroked it with his thumb. He smiled. “I know. Not this, exactly. Other times. Too many times. Especially at the end.” He took a deep breath and kissed her. “There are moments lately; I remember funny little things and small triumphs. I credit the fact that you’re in my life for this ability now to recall any joy at all. But the sight of a closed high school only serves as a reminder of their struggles and my choices after they left the school.” He gave it a moment and watched her turn back to the school once again. “And you?”

“The end,” Jenny whispered. She turned to Giles and continued. “I try to remember anything else the few times I’ve passed by, but all I can think of is the end and Angelus. I’m glad the Sunnydale one is gone.”

“I’ll admit there was more than a bit of cathartic release when Buffy and I blew it up,” Giles happily confessed hoping to lighten the mood a little. He was willing to stand here and let her talk about this as long as she liked, though.

Jenny’s face showed her confusion for a moment then she smiled openly as she remembered the story. “That’s right. Thank you.” She started them on their way again. There was the present to deal with. The past she would just have to tackle in short bursts.

Giles chuckled. “No trouble at all.”

Jenny looked at him suspiciously and gave his ass a playful swat. She was certain there was very much trouble involved. “Uh, huh.”

Giles merely ginned in answer as they continued down the road. The traffic noise on the busy street was constant, but maybe because it was such a constant it qualified as white noise and didn’t seem to bother Jenny yet. Overcast day, cool but not cold, a breeze off the water; it felt almost perfect and this walk was quickly bringing his spirits and his hopes up. The school may bring up disappointments in the past, but the surroundings were an overwhelming reminder that he was no longer in Sunnydale, nor bound to any hellmouth or calling. This was free will and a new start. He looked at Jenny. Bound and tied; forced. Only here and alive at all due to this fact, this coercion of fate. She used up her free will to reach him. He reminded himself the disparity would require the alignment to be on his part. 

“It’s a nice city, don’t you think?” Giles started as they crossed the small river that ran to the bay. 

“Hmmm?” Jenny smiled knowingly at him even as she bundled up a little tighter in her jacket.

Giles glanced over to her then made a show of looking over and around as they walked. He took a deep breath. “You can smell the sea air. Hear the horns of the ships and the train whistles as we get closer to the docks. There are plenty of parks. Fountains and sculptures are everywhere. Seems to be very important here. And I must admit, the mountains… so close, so massive, so… snowy. They are breathtaking.”

Jenny laughed. “So snowy?” She moved closer and tucked her arm into his. “You can’t even see the mountains right now with all the clouds.”

Giles took another deep breath and looked up. “I love the overcast as well,” he admitted. “I am just saying they could have picked a worse city. I’m actually glad they chose to settle here, all things considered.” He turned and looked over at Jenny. “And I know, on the sunny days, you love the mountains. And the sunsets over the water.”

“I do,” Jenny readily acknowledged. “And high school aside, I love where we chose to live. The library and theater just over there.” She gestured across the street and back a bit. “The restaurants, the shops, the way it all feels like an invitation to start to get the old me back.”

They walked on for a little longer in silence as Giles considered that last part. “Jenny, love, I hope you’ll find what you need and I’ll help as much as I can. But know, I’ll take new you as well.”

“You really are crazy sweet.” Jenny kissed his cheek. “The crazy part is that you like this weather. We didn’t bring an umbrella.”

“It won’t rain,” Giles informed her. At her questioning look, he shrugged. “I can tell by the smell. And the clouds. Maybe tonight.”

Jenny shook her head and turned them down E. Holly. The smell of fish tacos made her curious again. Someday she would have to try them. They stopped at the crosswalk on the corner of E. Holly and Railroad. Jenny started to fill him in. “That night, when I snuck out. I spotted Xander and Willow just before I reached Holly. I didn’t know why I was going back or what I was going to find. I just started back. I knew it was them, even in the dark, even though they were too far away to really see them clearly or for them to notice me. I followed them. Dawn was coming and I knew they would be going to where they spent the days. I didn’t have to follow close. I didn’t even have to keep them in sight. Whatever this bond is, it led me to them and let me follow a safe distance behind.”

Giles listened carefully. It was time to begin. It was time to learn. “Do you feel it now? The compulsion?”

“A little,” Jenny quietly admitted. “But we were always on our way. It feels more like an affirmation.”

Giles took a deep breath and carefully considered if he really wanted to know the answer to his next question. They crossed Railroad as he debated with himself if he should even ask it. When they reached the other side, he gave up and gave in. “Jenny.” He waited for her to turn and look at him. She gazed up questioningly into his eyes, a little fear showing on her face. “Right now, do you feel like you need to give me the slip? Are you conflicted about showing me this?”

Jenny closed her eyes even as she smiled reassuringly. She leaned forward, rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around his back. His arms circled around her as well and she breathed in his scent, held close his strength for a little longer. Taking a steadying breath, she backed up and looked into his eyes again. “I am more than happy to report that I do not feel any conflict about showing you any of this. And I’ll be honest, more than a little relieved myself,” she acknowledged the evident relief that crossed his features and the exhale of the breath he had been holding. “I’m still sad about what I did. But even now, as I want to go to where they stay, I don’t feel bad about taking you along.”

“I’m sorry,” Giles quietly confessed with a small smile. “I needed to know.”

Jenny shook her head and got them started again along E. Holly. It started climbing a hill and their walk slowed. “Don’t be sorry.”

Giles looked around as they slowly made their way up. One and two story office buildings lined the street. The noise of traffic fell away. Cars were able to park along the side of the road, but none of the businesses here were so busy that parking wasn’t available. Trees lined the spaces between the sidewalk and the street. “The Japanese Maples are beautiful,” he observed.

“Is that what those are?” Jenny had wondered. The delicate red leaves positively burst with vibrant life. The city was interlaced everywhere with nature. And the natural world was in a season of rebirth. She stopped them near the top of the hill and pointed to a two story brick building. “There.” She watched him take it all in. Look around to orient himself and remember the location. Stare at the details of the building itself, his eyes shifting across its features. Then she noticed his focus sharpen and cut to certain points, probably seeking signs of something she hadn’t even thought to look for yet. All this, but he hadn’t moved. Hadn’t approached the building. Didn’t even seem to breathe. “Rupert?” she finally broke the intense inspection.

“What?” Giles shook himself out of his thoughts. “Oh, yes.”

“What are you thinking?” Jenny impatiently asked.

“Nothing.” At her disbelieving look, he took her hand. “Honest, I don’t know what to think yet. It’s a building. Except for the window above the warehouse door, every other window space has been bricked up and secured against the sun. And that window is heavily curtained. I just… it’s strange. It’s real now. And I’m not sure what to think yet.”

“Okay,” Jenny squeezed his hand and reassured him. “You just looked like you were looking for something.”

“Evidence of magical protections,” Giles stated.

Jenny nodded. She should have thought to look for them. Old her would have. She was afraid to wonder why she didn’t. “Did you find any?”

“No.” Giles looked away from the building and closed his eyes briefly. “But Willow is very advanced. It doesn’t mean they are not there.”

“Well, we’re not planning on just charging in there anyway, right?” Jenny semi jokingly asked for the confirmation.

That brought Giles’s full attention back onto Jenny. “No,” he reassured with a smile. “Of course not. You’re right. Old habit I guess. It’s just too strange.”

“Come on,” Jenny suggested and tugged his hand hoping to steer them away from the building and back down the street. She had in mind finding someplace for lunch. She ignored that there was also a gut instinct to move. They were just out of direct line of sight when they both heard a heavy door swing shut as if left to close on its own. Jenny turned toward the sound and saw Cordelia exit the building. When Cordelia started walking down Holly, Jenny grabbed Giles and ducked them both down a side street to take cover around the side of a building. They watched her walk past. “I told you, not a vampire,” Jenny whispered.

“Is this,” Giles started then paused to collect his tangled thoughts. It was great to see that Cordelia was indeed alive. Should have felt great. Instead, he kept wondering what it meant and why she was with them. Years of war had taken their toll and price on his trust and faith. He tried again. “Is this what you were brought here today to see, do you think? I know you came here to show me. But you also said you felt compelled again to come. And before, you mentioned you came here in the day and saw Cordelia. Is she the reason, maybe?”

Jenny froze for a moment and just looked at him. She hadn’t even considered it. “I don’t know. Yesterday, she drove off in a car. That was it. I…” Jenny peeked around the corner and saw Cordelia halfway down the hill. “Should we follow?”

“You’re asking me?” Giles clarified. “You don’t have any need one way or the other?” He smiled and took her hands in his own. “It’s okay, love.” He watched her carefully. Watched the lines on her face as she concentrated, the tension in her shoulders relax when he rubbed his thumbs over the back of her hands, then the calm stillness when she closed her eyes. 

Jenny opened her eyes, looked up and gave his hands an appreciative squeeze. “Nope. Nothing.” She shrugged. “I am curious, though.”

Giles nodded. “Okay. I hesitate still to approach her, though,” he cautioned.

“You do?” Jenny looked again around the corner and saw Cordelia was now near the bottom of the hill. They could probably safely start down without being easily recognized. She pulled Giles out back onto Holly and started them slowly down the hill again. “Why? I thought she ended up part of the group. Isn’t it a good thing that she’s alive?”

“Yes,” Giles automatically answered. “I’m sure it’s a good thing. Or rather I want and hope it’s good. I’m afraid I’m not terribly good when I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Well that’s understandable,” Jenny hoped he forgave her play on words and continued. “We won’t make contact. Let’s just see where she’s going right now. If something is showing me she’s here, I might as well find out a little more,” Jenny reasoned. “Besides, you don’t understand how she’s here. Imagine how much she won’t understand how I’m here.”

Before they reached the bottom of the hill where E. Holly crossed Railroad, they watched Cordelia enter the Horseshoe Café just across the other side. They waited silently at the cross light and slowly approached the café windows when the light turned green. It took a while to find her between the quick careful peeking, the dim lights and high backed booths of the diner. She was seated alone in a booth towards the back. The sight was a stark contrast to all the memories Jenny had of the young high school queen. Her shoulders were slouched. She was bent over the table, writing. The waitress set down what looked like a glass of beer and Cordelia took a long sip. Jenny watched as she stared at the back of the seat in front of her and at nothing. She didn’t recognize this woman at all.

“Rupert?” Jenny pulled back from the window and looked up questioningly into the eyes of the man who might be able to explain the alternate of her remembered reality she was witnessing now.

“Hmm?” Giles was pulled away from the scene by Jenny’s voice. He turned back to the window. “She looks sad.”

“Sad doesn’t begin to cover it,” Jenny countered. “Rupert, what happened? The last memories I have of Cordelia are of when she was in high school. And I know I’ve learned some stories, but…”

Giles focused his attention on Jenny. He took her hands in his own. “A great many things happened I imagine. She grew up. All of them did. It was just after high school she left for L.A. and fought for years at Angel’s side. I’m not sure of all the details. Willow… It was always Willow that was the liaison between the two parties. She and Cordelia would talk occasionally over the phone.”

“Fighting for years at Angel’s side... Keeping in touch with Willow...” Jenny shook her head and tried to understand the improbable and absurd. Jenny knew, for whatever reason, Cordelia was at L.A. for the end. She just couldn’t imagine her fighting for years from the beginning. “It’s just so strange to think…”

“There’s a lot of strange, I’m afraid,” Giles gently interrupted and reminded Jenny. “There’s a lot that happened, even before she left. Including something about Xander I believe. They all went through a lot together. And trying to keep the two groups in contact without bringing up the worst wounds, it was Willow and Cordelia who found a way to put the past behind them. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised it would be to them she would turn to if she was able.”

“Why would she stay with Angel?” Jenny wondered out loud. She couldn’t help but still see her last living memory of her life before: a cold ruthless vampire.

Giles squeezed her hands. “When his soul was returned, he resumed his role as champion. I understand he helped a great many. And remember, he died defeating a great evil. Still,” Giles smiled down at Jenny. “I was very pleased to see him leave Sunnydale.”

Jenny smiled back then took a deep, refreshing breath. “We should go. Maybe find our own place to eat lunch. Probably not here.” She wrapped her arm around him, comforted by his chuckle in response to her suggestion and let him lead the way.

They found a seafood restaurant on the top floor of a renovated warehouse not far off Railroad. Their table had a view out of the large windows to the Salish Sea and the islands. Jenny sipped her wine and stared out at the scene.

“Rupert, look… look at this,” Jenny quietly encouraged.

Giles turned towards the windows. He noticed a sailboat crossing past an island. Even on this overcast day it looked merry and free. “The sailboat?”

“All of it,” Jenny tried to clarify. “The sea, the islands, this place, this view…”

“Yes, it’s breathtaking,” Giles readily agreed.

Jenny turned back to Giles and caught his full attention. She took another sip of wine and tried to find a voice to her thoughts. “Each day, there’s always something. Something new or forgotten. Usually, it’s too much. But this…”

Giles took a sip of wine and waited for more. When none came, he softly smiled. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Jenny nodded and tried to continue. “I think heaven, if that’s where I…” She took a deep breath. “I think that’s where I was. Anyway, heaven, is just waiting. I’m back to experiencing. I guess I’m just saying this, right now, is a beautiful experience.”

Giles reached over the table and gently held Jenny’s hand. “I’m glad.”

Jenny smiled and bowed her head. “I must look like Cordelia most of the time. Sad.”

“Lost, frightened,” Giles gently corrected. “And all perfectly understandable. I want to help. To help you experience all the good and beautiful things. It serves to remind me of them as well. I must remind you of Cordelia myself.”

“You look tired,” Jenny raised her head and grinned. 

“I am,” Giles concurred and raised his glass of wine then took a sip. “I’m war weary, I’m afraid, and want nothing more of it. Now, all I want is to take care of the ones I love. Make a new life here. Together, we may even remember and experience the joys of living it.”

Jenny toasted the thought just as the waiter brought their food. She laughed at the sight of the large salad in front of her topped with a heaping mound of crab. She took a deep breath to fully appreciate the scent of the fish and chips set on the other side of the table. Jenny shook her head as she watched Giles sprinkle the malt vinegar over his meal. She turned back to the window. For the moment, she enjoyed the experience of life. 

* * *

Buffy and Willow settled again on the smaller end of the couch that faced the television and left Xander to his work. At the end of the next week’s previews, Willow shut off the television and tossed aside the remote. She scooted closer to Buffy and turned to face her. Willow placed her arm on the couch back and started stroking Buffy’s neck and shoulder to get her full attention. “I want to know,” Willow smiled to take most of the demand out of her voice.

Buffy smiled back quizzically. “Okay. Know what?”

“Fantasies. Naughty bedtime thoughts of me. When and what,” Willow spilled. Her voice held a mix of excitement and trepidation. Her nails ran down the back of Buffy’s neck. 

Buffy’s smile faltered. When she noticed Willow’s answering frown and felt her begin to pull away, she placed a steadying hand on Willow’s thigh and leaned forward to kiss her quickly. “Sorry, you just surprised me.” Buffy sat back. She tilted her head into the comfort and attention of Willow’s fingers stroking her skin. Her own hand began to rub over Willow’s thigh. “It’s… wow. It’s a little complicated.”

“Complicated how?” Willow settled into the touch, the connection. Reassured, she tried to stay calm and open. 

“Well, for one thing, I kept thinking I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about my best friend. So, it was a little confusing,” Buffy admitted.

“Oh,” Willow’s smile lit her whole face. “I can understand that.”

Buffy laughed. “I guess you can.” She sobered. “Okay, remember, I guess it was second year of high school, when we were in my room and you were in that sexy outfit all unsure in front of the mirror. And I kept trying to talk you into it. And you ended up putting that ghost costume on over it.”

“I remember that ghost costume ended up not covering that much in the end,” Willow cut in.

“And I ended up right. But not my point.” Buffy ducked her head when she felt Willow’s nails again on the back of her neck. She looked up again. “I kept thinking about that time in my room. How good you looked. I wanted to bring out the sexy and confident Willow and make you believe in her. In the daytime, I encouraged her so she could be with someone like Oz. At night, there was a fantasy where Xander never showed up, we never left my room and I showed you how amazing I thought you were. Are.”

“Really?” Willow whispered. She tried to grin conspiringly, but the wonder in her eyes belayed the effect.

“Yes, really.” Buffy could now easily confess. “But keep in mind it was all very confusing. Plus, it’s not like I knew what I was supposed to do, so the imagining didn’t really go beyond kissing. Well, some nights there was some beyond kissing. Then it got too very confusing. That’s because we met your vampire self.”

“You do have a thing for vampires,” Willow shook her head and laughed.

Buffy slapped the thigh she had been stroking. “Not like that. And I’ll remind you, vampire you then didn’t like me.”

“True,” Willow easily conceded. “The vampire I later became had a completely different take on you.”

Buffy kissed Willow hard, deep and long. She pulled back and looked Willow in the eyes. “No shit.”

Willow laughed. “So what was it then? The leather outfit? I already told Xander that’s not making a comeback.”

Buffy impulsively pulled Willow’s shirt up and over her head, tossing it aside. She cupped Willow’s bare breast in her hand and stroked a thumb over the nipple. “This is nicer. I’m still enjoying the lack of clothing trend we got going.”

“You too,” Willow insisted and she started to help Buffy out of her shirt. 

Buffy stripped out of her shirt and bra. She resettled close beside Willow and resumed running her fingers over Willow’s chest, cupping her breasts and stroking her nipples. The play was easy now in contrast to the fumbling, halting fantasies she was recalling and relaying. “It wasn’t seeing you as a vampire and it wasn’t the leather. Though that did look really good. It was that I knew so much of the personality stayed with the vampire. So seeing those parts of you… It made it all the more confusing. The kinda gay part. I was already thinking things I thought I shouldn’t. And then, I found out that maybe they could happen.” Buffy saw Willow sharp look of interest and continued quickly. “You were with Oz and I was with Angel and I was still in the mental place of you’re not supposed to think this about your best friend. And so were you.”

Willow held off any ‘why didn’t we, we could haves’, defeated for the moment. “That sucks,” was all she could come up with at the moment.

“If we had gotten together then and later suffered all that we ended up going through and all that happened, we would have never survived it. Our friendship would have never survived it,” Buffy reasoned. “We wouldn’t be here now.”

“Maybe,” Willow hedged not quite ready to agree to that so easily without more careful thought. “It still sucks.”

“Okay.” Buffy caressed Willow’s breast and bent forward for another kiss. Willow dug her nails into the back of Buffy’s neck, pulling her into the kiss and keeping her there. Their tongues slid across blunt teeth and slowly played back and forth. Willow’s nails lightly raked across Buffy’s shoulders and back. Buffy’s fingers traced randomly across Willow’s collarbone and chest. Buffy ended the kiss with a short, light peck on Willow’s lips. “This doesn’t suck.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Willow grinned and let Buffy resettle back beside her. “Besides, wishing for something different is what brought an early vampire Willow into our world in the first place.” Willow stroked Buffy’s hair back behind her ear. “So, just late night naughty thoughts of kissing your best friend then? That’s okay if that’s it,” she quickly added to reassure.

“That’s not it,” Buffy teased. “There’s one, from college. I guess, because of Tara and my roommate and best friend actually being gay now. Only it started before that…” Buffy puzzled for a moment trying to remember. “It started after that asshole Parker and that night of really bad beer. I can safely confess that I kept a fantasy of I and my roomie having sex in the dorm room. Pretty wild sex, too.” Buffy smiled. “Very uninhibited. I might have felt plenty guilty in the day, but I kept going back to that one at night.”

“Wow.” It was all Willow could think to say. One hand was still playing across the skin at the back of Buffy’s neck. She brought the other up to stroke up, down and around Buffy’s chest. Willow marveled how they had come from secret night time thoughts to open physical expression, even wanton permission. 

“Your turn,” Buffy informed Willow. She started stroking Willow’s thigh. She bent forward, licked and nipped the closest nipple then sat back up, an impish grin on her face.

Willow tweaked Buffy’s nipple in retaliation, then slowly began. “Okay, well. It’s a lot like you said. Naughty thoughts about my best friend that I didn’t think I was supposed to have.”

“You have to be more specific than that,” Buffy insisted. 

“I know.” Willow squirmed a little. “Watching you slay got me worked up, okay?”

“Really?” Buffy was surprised.

“Yeah,” Willow quickly moved on. “But also, just hanging out with you. Watching movies together or whatever. There was a lot of thoughts of kissing back then. And I’d think them at night.”

“There had to be more than that,” Buffy accused. “Come on, Will. You had to have had an actual fantasy. College? Roomies? Spill.”

Willow smiled at a memory. She couldn’t help herself. Buffy noticed and the hand on Willow’s thigh got more insistent, promised more if she would open her legs. Willow dropped the hand that was stroking Buffy’s chest to Buffy’s hip and held on. “Okay. We’re alone in the room at night. You’re worked up from slaying or… something. I’m trying to get you to relax and go to sleep. You lay down on your bed and I’m sitting beside you. You suddenly pull me down on top of you and kiss me. Hard. Your hands hold me there, move up under my shirt.”

“Wait,” Buffy stopped Willow and pulled back a little. She stilled her hand and looked Willow in the eyes. “I remember this. This is… this is my fantasy. Willow, did this really happen?”

Willow hung her head for a moment and then looked back into Buffy’s eyes. “Yes.”

“When?” Buffy’s voice was now the hard clear tone of a slayer wanting answers.

“When you drank that beer that devolved you into Neanderthal Buffy,” Willow continued to confess.

“Did I hurt you?” Buffy’s voice and manner turned soft and concerned in an instant.

Willow smiled self depreciatively at Buffy’s evident change. “No. No, you didn’t hurt me Buffy. And you didn’t make me do anything against my will.” Willow closed her eyes for a moment. “I should have stopped you. I could have. Xander did when you came to him all spell Buffy. I should have stopped it, but I couldn’t. I wanted it. And we all know when I want something I just do it no matter who it hurts.”

“Willow,” Buffy cut her off and cupped Willow’s chin gently in her hand. “Did I start it? Did I want it?”

“Well yeah, but,” Willow answered before being cut off again.

“I’m sure I did,” Buffy reasoned, admitted, remembered. “You just heard me tell you I’d thought about it for years.” She looked at Willow’s face carefully. “Willow, do you feel guilty? Now I mean, not then.”

“No,” Willow shook her head. “But I don’t want you to be mad at me. I didn’t think you remembered it. Even subconsciously.”

“Wild abandoned sex like that?” Buffy grinned mischievously and started running her fingers over Willow’s thighs again. “I’m glad I didn’t forget.”

Willow opened her legs and started running her nails along the back of Buffy’s neck again. “That night did start some actual fantasies. Of the didn’t really happen kind I mean.”

“So tell me,” Buffy suggested as she undid Willow’s pants and lowered the zipper. She continued to run her fingers over Willow thighs, down to her knees and then back up along the inside seam only to veer off and start again on the other side. 

“Tease,” Willow accused. She cupped one of Buffy’s breasts and stroked the nipple with her thumb. Then she leaned forward and circled the nipple with her tongue. Sitting back up, she smiled and continued. “Remember when I said watching you slay was a turn on?” She waited until Buffy gave a nod in reply. “That night, I was able to keep some control, to hold my own. And watching the Slayer, I started thinking about that. You coming to me, just after slaying. Even just after a kill. That wild part of you.”

“And you control it?” Buffy kept the question fairly neutral. ‘It’ instead of ‘her’ or closer still, ‘me’. She was turned on. From the whole conversation, from the fact that Willow was her Sire, or even just from the idea of a younger Willow playing control games with her, with the Slayer. She didn’t dare sort it out, couldn’t deny maybe all of it was true and would only admit now to the general overall fact.

“Sort of. Yeah. At least hold my own,” Willow dug her nails into the back of Buffy’s neck and kissed her hard and quick. 

“Fuck,” Buffy gave in, but not without a fight. She pinned Willow back against the couch seat and kissed her deep. Her tongue dove inside as her hand pressed between Willow’s legs. 

Willow accepted the kiss, encouraged it. She lifted her hips and pulled at her pants and underwear, trying to slip them down past her hips and get Buffy to release her hand so she could strip them off. The clothes were finally removed and she started on Buffy’s, quickly unbuttoning and lowering the zipper so fast and with such force she wondered for a moment if she didn’t already destroy her new clothes. Buffy kicked off the clothes and they tumbled together sideways on the end of the couch. Buffy smiled triumphantly from up top until she saw the smirk on Willow’s lips. Willow tangled her fingers in Buffy’s hair and guided her purposely down to the waiting lips between her legs. Buffy laughed then kissed Willow’s inner thigh. She settled onto her knees and bent forward. Buffy licked Willow gently at first, slowly; up, down, stroking her clit only to move lower and circle her entrance, then again back up. Willow relaxed back into the sudden and surprising calm caresses and slow build. She surrendered to Buffy’s attentions and intentions, reveled in the fingers sliding along her thighs and the playful nips and kisses that peppered the tongue strokes.

Willow’s passive submission didn’t last. As the pleasure wound its way from her center up her spine and the tension coiled tight, her fingers twisted in Buffy’s hair and pressed into her shoulders. Willow’s tightened grip urged Buffy to focus; guided and directed her. Willow looked down at the image: Buffy kneeling and bent over between her legs, her hand holding a fist full of Buffy’s hair, and she exploded right past the edge. The tension released and shook every muscle, the pleasure flooded every nerve. 

Buffy waited for Willow to relax and the fingers tangled in her hair to slip back out and Willow’s arms to slide back down to rest beside her on the couch. She rested her head on Willow’s stomach and smiled. “That one’s gonna take a while to recover from, isn’t it?” Buffy playfully asked, a pleased hint in her voice.

Xander had stopped working on the new room a while ago. He looked on from his perch on the ladder he had retrieved from downstairs, the ceiling long forgotten. 

* * *

Jenny and Giles returned home. There was still the need to talk about what happened that hung over the day. Giles found the decanter of scotch and poured himself a glass, anticipating and preparing for the coming discussion. Jenny watched him as he eventually settled on the sofa, drink in hand and decanter nearby. She remembered the doctor’s business card she’d been given the other night and wished she could get just a little stoned right now. Jenny settled for finding a bottle of red wine in the kitchen and pouring herself a glass. She left the bottle on the kitchen counter and joined Giles on the sofa. They left the lights low. Tried to smile and face each other openly.

“What do you want to know?” Jenny suggested as a start.

Giles set the drink aside. He laughed a little at the question, at himself. “Everything,” he simply stated. “But I believe I know as much as you do.”

Jenny leaned back and rested her arm on the back of the sofa. “Are you going to tell Faith that Cordelia’s alive?”

The question surprised Giles. Shocked that he hadn’t even considered it, he wondered for a moment why he so readily cut himself off from the new formation of the Council and Slayers and why he was so reticent to give them any information. Even Faith. “I don’t think I am. It will just bring more questions. And I can’t supply any answers. Faith is in her own struggle right now. And losing. I don’t want to add a mystery on to that.”

“What do you mean?” Jenny gently prompted. Giles had been silent on news from Cleveland. To be fair, she rarely pushed for any information. She didn’t know these people at all and often it only served as a reminder of how much time had passed in his life while she was gone, of what had happened. 

Giles took a sip of his drink. “Faith is the oldest slayer there and she was naturally called. In many ways, she is the leader. But there are young Watchers, one in particular, who wish to reform a strong Council. With so many slayers, he sees an opportunity to form and command an army. What has played out in the last weeks is that the slayers have won the fight to make joining the cause a choice. The result being that those who stayed want to fight, want to be formed into a fighting force. I’m afraid Faith might have won the battle only to lose the war.”

“Is that really a bad thing?” Jenny brought up a counter argument. “I mean, they are on a hellmouth. A group of slayers fighting together is better than just one. And organized around the world someday doesn’t sound so bad.”

Giles sighed and looked up at the ceiling, defeated. “Condensed absolute power and authority. Corruption.” He looked back at Jenny and shook his head. “Sorry, I have an ingrained distrust of all of it now. Faith is still holding on, though her sway has been weakened some. When Buffy, Willow and Xander left. When I left, it was come to be seen as a sign that it was the new guard’s turn.” Giles shrugged. “Maybe it is. Still, I’m glad Faith is there. I feel somewhat secure they can turn to her and she can help direct them. I trust her. And if you knew my history with Faith, you’d understand the irony of that statement.”

Jenny bowed her head for a long moment then suddenly reached over and picked up the forgotten glass of wine. She drained half the glass before setting it back on the coffee table. “I never should have taken you away.”

“No,” Giles jumped in. He reached over and gently placed a hand on Jenny’s knee. “I was done and mentally pulling away long before you came to me. Years before, when I’m brutally honest with myself. But certainly by then. The guilt and pain, the mystery of their disappearance… My mind was here even if my body didn’t know where to go. I’m grateful you found me. And though they didn’t know the circumstances, they were happy for me to escape.”

“They…” Jenny puzzled. “Faith and… Dawn. Where does Dawn fit into this?”

Giles smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. “Thankfully, off to the side. College will be beginning in the fall and she’s taken a head start with some summer courses. She’s worked with Faith and corralled the departing Sunnydale slayers to hijack away from the forming Council the project and effort of finding all the newly called slayers.” Giles relayed the news with a great amount of pride. “They’ll reach out to them, educate, and give them choices. One of which is apparently a growing community and support system for those who don’t wish to join the Council or its army.”

“So, the world’s fine then,” Jenny reasoned.

Giles laughed. Truly laughed. “Oh God, Jenny. This world…” He shook his head, unable to continue.

Jenny scooted closer to him and cradled herself in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder. “This world seems to keep turning.” She kissed his cheek. “Thank you for that, by the way.”

“I wished I knew what to do now,” Giles confessed. “I can’t help you. I need to help you.”

“I know,” Jenny assured him. “You do. I’m safe and I’m loved. And I don’t think I’d even be sane without you here. I have no idea what they pulled me back to do or how to do it. I know I’m bound and I know now that connection is active. What I don’t know…” Jenny took a breath and closed her eyes. “What I’m afraid to ask is how that affects us. We have each other, but I’m bound to them and don’t tell me that doesn’t affect us.”

Giles held her tight and kissed the top of her head. “It doesn’t change my feelings for you,” he quietly asserted. “Yes, you being pulled toward them; it terrifies me. More, that it happened in secret.”

Jenny sat up so she could look Giles in the eyes. “That wasn’t planned or intentional.” She shook her head to emphasize the point. “I think I was just overwhelmed with the suddenness of it all. Confused. I can’t promise that I won’t go to them again. We both know it will happen. And I probably will end up there at times when I never meant to, so I can’t say I’ll tell you before it happens. I can promise you I won’t keep it a secret. I’ll tell you. Everything.”

Giles wrapped her in his arms and pressed her into a deep and long hug. He released her and looked into her eyes; noticed they were slightly moist with tears. “And I’ll beg permission now to go a little crazy at times.” He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “All we can do is stay honest. And it’s all I’ll ask.” 

“Thank you.” Jenny threw herself back into his arms and into another hug. She kissed him, slowly. Waited for him to return the affection before deepening the caress of her lips. She tasted the scotch on his breath and wondered absently and absurdly with the relief of the moment if she was developing a taste for it, if she should try it. Jenny chased the thought away and pulled back. “Thank you for understanding.”

“I’m still not sure I do,” Giles confessed.

“I’m not sure I do either, but…” Jenny took a deep breath. Honesty. It’s all he asks. “I needed the permission and acceptance. I need the connection.”

“I thought, maybe…” Giles held onto her, his grip tightening on her hips. “Some part of me knew that.”

“I need you,” Jenny asserted. “I wasn’t lying before. I wouldn’t be sane. I love you.”

Giles smiled. “And I love you.” The tension drained and Jenny sat back down beside him. Giles took the opportunity to knock back a good amount of the scotch in his glass. He was surprised but compliant when Jenny reached for the glass and took a sip. He smiled as she shook her head quickly as a sign of distaste and handed the glass back. “I take it you’ll be sticking with the wine, then?”

“I thought since I’ve got so used to it on your breath..” Jenny smiled. Another idea and recent research came to mind. “Would you be terribly disappointed in me if I saw a man about legal permission to smoke pot?”

Giles’ glass stopped halfway to his lips. “Is there such a thing? And this is something you would want?”

“In this state, there is.” Jenny settled in closer to Giles again. “I’m beginning to love this crazy state. And I think I might. That night, it really helped. Drinking doesn’t. It just makes me… It’s just different. And there’s so much of the world that still really hurts. I just…”

Giles halted the explanation by taking Jenny’s hands in his own. “It’s okay. I’m for whatever helps. And it’s not like I’ve ever been against pot,” he gently reminded her and chuckled.

“That’s right, Pink Floyd groupie,” Jenny teased.

“Oh dear Lord.” Giles settled back with Jenny in his arms. Not much of anything was figured out, but all of it was worked out for now. It was enough.

* * *

Buffy bounded down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. It was still light out. Xander had one of his goof-brained ideas they were playing along with. Cordelia wasn’t back yet. She probably would be soon. At the bottom of the stairs and shielded around a corner, Buffy called out across the small entrance lobby for the delivery guy to come in. The man opened the door and entered, letting the door swing shut behind him. Buffy rounded the corner but stayed where she could duck into the stairwell quickly if necessary. She was surprised. She had expected, just assumed, that a delivery driver would be young; college age at most. This man looked in his thirties. The logo cap was the only trace of official uniform. Cowboy boots, jeans, western shirt peeking out from a denim jacket: Buffy wasn’t sure what to think. She couldn’t wait to see what Xander would do.

“You ordered a large Thai Satay Chicken, extra cheese? It’s $20.35,” the guy rattled off in rote boredom.

“Yeah, hi,” Buffy started with a big smile and eased a little further out into the room. “It turns out a friend ran off with my purse today. Willow is upstairs finding hers now. Come on up, and we’ll pay you.” She backed up slowly to the waiting elevator, silently encouraging and demanding a decision. He followed her into the small box and the door shut. She leaned against the back wall, remained open to his gaze, distracted him with her smile. She watched as some internal instinct warned him something wasn’t right and he tensed. Confusion played across his face. He tried to smile in return but it looked a little uncertain. She could hear his heartbeat speed up. He couldn’t place this uneasiness. He was larger, stronger. He was scared. Finally the elevator stopped and the door opened. He quickly exited into the larger space, his boots faintly clicking as he marched out, not thinking where he was going, only thinking of leaving where he had been. Buffy chuckled and followed him out.

The delivery man first saw Willow walking toward him and breathed a sigh of relief. Then he felt someone behind him. He turned around and saw Xander. He turned again when he heard Buffy’s voice close by. “Let’s put this down on the table,” Buffy suggested and gently took the pizza box out of his now shaking hands.

The guy nodded, swallowed and took a deep breath. Nothing had happened. It was just three kids ordering some pizza. Still, he just wanted to get this done and get the hell out of there. “It’s $20.35.” He looked at the woman who met him downstairs and she just smiled. He turned to the other woman. She made no move to pay him. She didn’t move at all. She just smiled. He didn’t even want to turn around and look at the guy. The guy wearing an eye patch. He tried to stay calm, to figure this out. “Look, if this is a sex thing, I’m flattered, but…”

“It’s not a sex thing,” Xander quietly intoned from close behind. When the man quickly spun around and faced him, Xander grabbed his shoulders and caught him. Xander also smiled. His ridged forehead, yellow eye and long fangs slipping over his lower lip menaced the effect into nightmare proportions.

“Fuck!” the man shouted. His voice sounded panicked, but it hadn’t translated into actions yet. He stood there ridged in Xander’s grasp. Only when he felt a sharp pain in his neck did he try to back away. He couldn’t. He couldn’t break free. He pushed. He stomped down as hard as he could with the heel of his boots. He tried to scream again, but already it was hard to catch his breath. He got lightheaded, weak, cold. He felt himself drop limp into the thing’s arms; panic and fear replacing strength. ‘Don’t rest here, it isn’t safe,’ his mind begged him uselessly. ‘I’m going to die.’

Xander dropped the dead pizza delivery man on the floor. He licked his lips clean and relaxed his features back to their human form. He looked over to Willow and Buffy, an even bigger grin on his face.

Buffy shook her head and motioned to the body on the floor. “Feel better now?”

“Yep,” Xander readily admitted. “Though he did step on my foot pretty hard.” He limped past the body to where Willow and Buffy had watched the show.

“Poor baby,” Buffy teased then gave him a quick kiss on the lips. She licked her own lips when she tasted the faint traces fresh blood.

“Well, now I’m hungry,” Willow complained. 

“We can order Chinese,” Xander suggested. He bounced up and down a little, marveling that his foot already felt much better.

“No, we can’t.” Willow stepped up to Xander and wrapped her arms around him. She gave him a big hug, kissed his chest and stepped back. “You know we can’t do this again, right? The cops here aren’t stupid. We can’t lead them right to our door. I don’t even know what we’re gonna do with him.”

Xander shrugged. “I’ll get rid of the body.”

“The car…” Willow kept on. “There’s a record of him coming here.” She took Xander’s hands in her own and smiled at him. “I’m not saying that wasn’t fun to watch. I’m just saying you know we can’t do that again, right? If there’s a string of missing delivery people and they all have this address, even cops are going to notice.”

“She has a point,” Buffy weighed in. “Mean time, I’ll just call in an hour and complain we never got our pizza.”

The discussion stopped when they heard the elevator called down. They turned and waited as a group for the expected occupant. When the elevator returned and the door opened, Cordelia stepped out. She stopped short and stared at the body on the floor, then quickly at the three vampires standing a few yards in front of her. She could make a run for it. The thought leapt to her mind. Where would she go? She knew what they were. Cordelia took a deep breath and readied herself for whatever came next. 

“We got you pizza,” Xander cheerfully announced. He motioned past the body to the table.

Cordelia glanced over at the white box sitting on the empty table. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I was feeling hungry, myself.” Xander was having fun. He could hear her heartbeat, still a little faster than normal. But the shock had worn off. He could tell she was calming down. “I was wondering…” he suddenly thought of an immediate solution to one of their current problems. “We need to dump his car somewhere. And it still being daylight and all…”

“No!” That snapped Cordelia out of the final vestiges of shock. She ignored the body on the floor, didn’t think about whether they might still be hungry or not. Instead there flared a sudden clarity of personal lines and it burned all else from her mind for the moment. She stormed over to the kitchen area; near the table and put something substantial between herself and the dead body. “I won’t clean your house, I won’t do your laundry and I won’t clean up after your kills. I’m sure you can find a way to clean your own messes.”

“Cordy,” Buffy started, not sure herself what she was going to say, only reacting to hearing such a denial.

“Seriously,” Cordelia stopped her by raising her hand. “I know you’re gonna kill. I just…” Cordelia took a deep breath. “I can help you live. I can’t help you kill. I don’t care about him. I don’t care about this world. But if I cross that line, I’m really lost.”

Willow chuckled softly. There was a time for all of them that a dead guy on the floor and not caring about the world would have meant they were lost already. Still, she understood the impulse in times of immediate aftermath, trying to find where to redraw the lines. “So Xander just gets rid of the car later,” Willow reasoned. It seemed reasonable. She was trying hard to ignore the heartbeat and the hunger and to remember that Cordelia belonged there. And if she belonged there, she had to be allowed to set some limits. As long as they were reasonable. “Cordy?”

“Yeah?” Cordelia had glanced down at the body. She focused back onto Willow. 

“Our car?” Willow switched to something that had been nagging her for a few weeks. “You would help us get rid of our car, though, right?”

“What’s wrong with our car?” Buffy jumped in.

“Well, technically, it’s stolen,” Willow pointed out. “It’s registered in California under none of our names. I was thinking, now that we’re here, we should just get rid of it and buy our own. And if Cordy will help, we can even get rid of any trace that may have followed us up.”

“What do you mean?” Xander urged her along. He could tell she had been thinking about it. They needed to be caught up.

“Well, Cordy can drive somewhere farther. Say, dump the car back in Oregon and just fly back up.” Willow thought out loud.

“What do think?” Buffy turned to Cordelia. 

Buffy didn’t look threatening, she didn’t sound threatening. Cordelia considered the question, the request. She didn’t know where the car came from originally, but that was so far from here and now she realized it didn’t matter. “Yeah, I can do that. Can we make it so my fingerprints aren’t all over the evidence?”

Willow laughed. “I think I can whip something up.” 

“Can you at least toss the ads just inside the door? The ones they always make pizza delivery drivers put on their cars?” Buffy pressed. “We don’t need everyone remembering they saw his car hanging around here for a long time.”

Cordelia remembered Buffy’s tone of voice for what it was: an order. And it made sense. Trouble for them would only also be trouble for her. “Yeah. No problem,” she quickly compromised. 

Willow motioned at the dead man. “What are we gonna do about him?”

Xander stepped forward and smiled. “It’s time to try out that big ol’ furnace this place came with.”

“Xander,” Buffy voice held a warning tone. “You’re not gonna stink up the whole place are you?”

“No,” Xander reassured everyone. “I fixed it so no-one will smell or ever find a thing.”

Willow looked across the space to the curtained window. “I’m still hungry. When’s the sun gonna set?”

“You know what?” Cordelia started back to the elevator. “It’s probably best I go grocery shopping now. I’ll just borrow the stolen car and maybe see you guys in the morning.”

* * *

Night. Buffy, Willow and Xander bounded out of their home eager for it: restless and hungry. The pizza delivery car turned out to be a pickup truck. Xander was charged with emptying it of any contents and evidence and moving it somewhere far off. Buffy and Willow watched him speed off up the hill and to another side of town. They started quickly down the hill to Railroad Ave. and the crowds of people hanging out around the edges of the night life. A light rain made the pavement shimmer under the street lights. The moist air amplified the scent of the sea, grass, moss and evergreens. The constant drops and drips on the cars and awnings were like the dim rat-a-tat of a far off snare drum. The streaking visual overlay blurred the lines of the city. The rain ran off their hair and soaked their shirts, the wet clothing sticking to them. It was still amazing, these times when this city submitted willingly to the nature around and within it. And they could feel so much more of it now.

The people were bundled into coats but that was the only concession to the rain. They still walked casually along the sidewalks to the restaurants, gathered in front of the clubs; in their own way as well weathered as the old buildings from sea fairing days that still surrounded them. Buffy and Willow stood out tonight though. Their thin shirts were soaked through; revealing and clingy. They didn’t shiver in the cold air as they stood still at the corner in front of a tattoo parlor and waited for the light to cross. A couple of young women joined them at the corner. Buffy could feel them staring at her from behind. She scanned her surroundings and nudged Willow with her elbow. At Willow’s nod, they turned suddenly and pulled the two women into the alley beside the tattoo parlor. They each fed quickly, desperate to take the edge of the hunger. Xander’s stunt earlier had left them craving for the night. They returned to the corner and waited again a little more relaxed than before.

They crossed the street to the center of Railroad and stood at a loss for a moment of what to do next. They decided to split up. Willow watched as Buffy took off down towards the bus stop at the end of Railroad. She turned and followed her own usual path to the water’s edge. She was anxious to see the rain beating on the waves. She had fed for the night. Any desire for more she would leave to the coin flip as she always does now. She was less certain of her desire to feel, to connect to that power in those dark depths of the bay. The Salish Sea. The oceans of this world. Even now, if she opened herself, she could feel little flashes of it on her and around her in the rain, like static electricity. She soon found herself on the walkway beside the water. It was usually dark here but the city lights bounced off the cloud cover and cast a faint glow over everything. Puddles shimmered, boulders gleamed and the beach was dark and soaked. 

Willow slipped down the low bank and crossed carefully over the slick, unstable rocks to the water’s edge. There was only a slight breeze tonight. The rain wasn’t a prelude to a storm, just the accumulation of clouds between the ocean and the mountains. The waves were calm and inviting, the rhythm tugging her memory of the promised pulse of power. She stared out and watched the rain splash over the surface. The sounds of ships in the nearby harbor echoed distortedly across the low clouds. Willow knelt down and ran one hand through the water, pushing a bobbing clam shell across the surface. She thought about what Xander said. Why did she still need to connect to this larger power? Did she need to feel greater than herself? Fix things? She couldn’t change what happened. Would she if she could? 

Willow felt the spark, the pull in her hand. Her eyes snapped out to the horizon and she chuckled to herself wondering what she expected to see. She lowered her other hand into the water and opened to the connection. She could feel the waves along her spine as well as on her skin. It called to her. She finally understood it called her away. Xander was right. She needed to choose.

‘You’re back.’ The voice in her mind stated as if her return was never in question.

‘Not for this,’ Willow’s inner voice surrendered and she released the recently stored magic with the pull of a spent wave. ‘I don’t need this. I don’t need to do anything with this. It will only take me away from them. I don’t need to be better than them. I don’t need to be better than myself. I love them. I trust they love me.’

He, She, It, this… she could feel It smile. ‘You are kin to the first one and so much like the one who created her.’ It’s thoughts proclaimed approvingly. ‘Come back when you want to speak some more then.’

The presence left Willow’s mind and the spark and tie to the power in the water’s depths withdrew from her touch. “Well sure, we can talk, but only for as long as you want apparently,” she muttered. As before, the whole thing left her confused. At least this time, it did not leave her angry and desperate for more. This time, she chose. Willow stood up and crossed carefully back up the beach and to the walkway. This choice changed everything. All Willow wanted to do now was get back to town and hopefully find Buffy and Xander.

* * *

The pickup truck smelled of cheap cigars, pizza and that green tree thing people hung from the rear view mirror that was supposed to help cover the stench of stale smoke. Xander had emptied the contents of the truck cab into their building’s old furnace. He was pleased with the ancient monstrosity: how much room there was in the burning chamber, the size of the door and how well it had worked. All that was left was to dump this truck somewhere. It was a fun experiment but he did admit Willow was right. They couldn’t order dinner in like that. Xander sped past the older, smaller houses that sat above them on the hill. The inner city, garden neighborhood lifestyle: each of the homes in some constant state of renovation. He continued under the freeway and past the shopping strips and cluster of hotels. He wasn’t used to driving in the rain. The long pause between the swipes of the wiper blades, the blurred spread of light across his vision, the muted lines on the road: he was not finding this part fun at all and the fact that he only had one eye now made it all the harder. Xander turned on the radio for a distraction and turned it off again when he heard it was set to a country music station. He started looking for a good place to dump this truck.

The road had narrowed and signs for large housing developments started to peek out from the tree lined darkness. He had just passed a stretch of forest area and was seriously wondering why this city insisted on keeping so much wild area within it but reasoned it would make a good place to dump the truck. Then he saw it. Brightly lit and standing at the entrance of a wide driveway was a sign for the Lakeway Country Club. Xander smiled and turned in. He followed the main drive and turned into one of the parking areas away from the buildings. It was empty and there was no one around, so Xander simply parked the truck and left it there. He noticed there was some event happening ahead inside the main building. The parking area closer to the building was near full and he could hear music. Why not? He was aggravated, now wet from standing out in the rain and still hungry. Xander walked toward the party.

Xander approached from the side and walked slowly down the paved walkway that led to the main building. His shirt and jeans were almost soaked through now. There wasn’t anyone milling about outside in this weather. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do yet. Before he could start looking for a side door or the servant’s entrance or something, an older man in a heavy overcoat stepped outside. The man started pacing the walkway at the entrance with his head down and his hands in his pockets. Xander stopped near the side of the building and waited. The man looked up finally and noticed Xander there. Noticed the soaked inappropriate clothing and the eye patch. Noticed this young vagrant did not belong there. Xander smiled and slicked his wet hair back and out of his eye, then he turned and disappeared around the side of the building. The man chased Xander around the side of the building, intent and indignant. Xander easily caught him, vampire visage marking him as ‘other’ even more. Indignant tirade turned to terror but it didn’t matter. Neither got a chance to be voiced. Xander hid the man’s body behind some bushes next to the building. Whistling in the rain and with a bounce in his step, he searched for a side door.

Breaking the lock and getting in was easy but he still wasn’t sure why he wanted to crash the event. He should have left right away. He definitely shouldn’t make a scene now. If only it didn’t promise to be so much fun. Xander started down the darkened corridor to where he could hear music and the low sedate murmur of conversation. He entered into a foyer and noticed the main reception was through the double doors just ahead. Almost everyone was in the main room. There was only a small group talking in the far corner of the foyer. Xander ignored them and started walking to the doors. He was surprised when before he could get near the reception, someone broke off from the group in the corner and intercepted him. Xander smiled when he saw it was Alec Rollins that had headed him off. 

“You look good,” Xander complimented Alec’s obviously expensive suit and shoes.

“Can’t say the same for you,” Alec admonished, keeping his voice low.

Xander shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“How did you know I would be here?” Alec accused hurriedly. He looked around the foyer to see how many people were around at the moment.

“I didn’t,” Xander flatly stated. “I don’t care either.” He started to move around Alec so he could continue toward the main room. Another older gentleman approached the two vampires and Xander stopped. Xander heard the heartbeat and knew the newcomer was human. One of the people Alec was talking to in the corner earlier.

“Is everything alright here, Alec?” the old man huffed. He directed his attention to Alec, barely giving Xander a look past a reproving first glance. 

“Yes, Richard,” Alec assured him. “Just a new member of my team I hope. A real go getter.”

“Ah,” Richard nodded his head and smiled. “The exuberance of youth. You don’t see enough of that these days for business.”

“We’ll just be a minute,” Alec politely insisted. 

“Of course.” Richard nodded to the both of them and then wandered over to the double doors and entered the reception room.

When Xander made a move to follow Richard, Alec put his hand out to gently and politely stop him. “Wait. My offer hasn’t changed.”

“My answer hasn’t changed,” Xander quickly responded with a smile. He stood still and decided to hear what Alec would say or do. This was becoming kinda fun as well.

“Alexander Corazon, that’s your name, right? I did a little research,” Alec started, a little unnerved when Xander’s smile never faltered. “You proved yourself, I’ll give you that. I want you to be my right hand man. We can do a lot more great things together than apart. And no one wants a war.”

“We don’t want a war,” Xander readily agreed. “I also don’t want to join your organization.”

“Alex, can I call you Alex?” Alec pressed on. “I’m already in position to take over major underworld operations. I’m offering you a key place right away. You would have wealth, power and more than that. Look at yourself. Look at me. Look around.” Alec gestured with his arm. “I’m offering you respect. The respect of all the most influential people in this city.”

Xander considered it a moment. A blindingly hot moment. The desire for respect he always held locked safe in a deep corner of his mind blazed through his thoughts. His demon stirred and touched the dark aura that shadows the night and calls to them all. It reminded him of all the slights and old hurts that fuel his rages now. He could finally have respect. He could show them, control them, make them pay. Even Buffy and Willow would finally be impressed. The demon’s urging went too far. Xander’s personal memories reasserted themselves in his mind and the temptation for vengeance, the connection to the void in the night faded. He remembered their recent reminiscences and the underlying truths they revealed. He thought about the life they shared now.

Xander stood up straight and looked Alec in the eyes. “I have respect. I have the love and respect of the only people that matter. After everything we’ve been through, I’ve earned it.”

“So your answer is no,” Alec confirmed. He was disappointed. He was so sure he had negotiated this correctly. On to plan B. “Then I propose a truce. And as a sign of good will, perhaps you would be so good as to not make trouble for me here tonight.” He punctuated the request with a big, friendly smile; the winning smile he used to close deals. 

Xander shrugged. A truce sounded good. That they be left alone was all he wanted. “Sure. But I get a pass on the dead guy already in the bushes.” He turned and left out the side door, not giving Alec Rollins much more thought. Just another wanna be master vamp and up here it turned out that wasn’t saying much. Xander dealt with them as a human, he could certainly deal with them as a vampire. He decided to run full speed back to the inner city. He wanted to feel the rain pelt his skin and watch the dully lit and damp world blur by him. He ran from the memory and thoughts of the strange urge that had erupted before. Playful destruction was fine but never before had his anger been focused to a need to control and as he thought back, crossing the line into being controlled by that call he could feel every night. He was more grateful now than ever for the free will Buffy’s blood gave to him. He ran to the center of the city, hoping to find Willow and Buffy.

* * *

Buffy found herself following a man from the bus stop. He was a large man: blue slacks, black shoes, cap on his head and black jacket wrapped around him tight to protect him from the rain. He stepped off the bus and started walking slowly down the street with his head down. Buffy thought maybe he was just coming off of work. She picked him at random. Maybe because he so quickly broke off from the group and ambled off alone. She followed a distance behind and he gave no indication of noticing her. At first she was curious where he was going. Now, she was tired of walking slowly behind on the empty sidewalk. It was making her sad. She caught up to him and pulled him into the secluded doorway of a closed business. She left his body sitting there when she was done. 

It was strange: the heat of the man’s life force running through her contrasting with the cold rain running over her skin. It was exhilarating. The kill. Even a slow, stalking hunt and a simple kill, it satisfied. Not quite the way slaying had quenched that base need. There wasn’t that righteous component any longer. That surge from deep in the core of something greater to the core of herself. There was still a need for and satisfaction in the hunt. The man had led her up another hill to an unfamiliar part of the city. It was still an older part of town. Forgotten in all the recent renovations, the low office buildings had ‘for rent’ signs in the windows, chipped paint and missing bricks in their façade. Buffy continued up the hill and crossed an empty street into the residential area. It wasn’t any better. Old houses, once Victorian splendors, barely held on. Their porches leaned and as Buffy stopped and looked on at one, she noticed a window stuck open a crack and clear plastic hung inside trying desperately to keep out the rain. ‘These homes were too close to the city for this,’ Buffy considered. Soon the wave would hit here and all these people would be forced out. The houses would be fixed up and resold to the next occupants. She kept on in her explorations. The hunger abated, it only left time to kill.

Tucked in among the houses was a small collection of trees followed by a vacant lot surrounded by a fence. Buffy wandered in. She smiled. A cemetery. Of course she would find a cemetery. She took notice of the age and condition of the chipped and weathered granite headstones. Looked at some of the dates: the late 1800’s, WWI, WWII. There was nothing recent for a slayer here. Buffy leaned against some prominent family’s very prominent monolith. The hunting, the fighting, the killing: it wasn’t the same. She stared out at the cemetery and realized she didn’t need it to be. She missed the challenge of beating something bigger and badder than herself against all odds. She missed that rush. She didn’t miss the calling. The duty to a purpose greater than herself. Whatever magical feedback drug it gave in return. Being turned, she kicked it cold turkey. Buffy smiled and shook her head. Her inner monologue was getting strange. It was fun, like old times, to fight that slayer and the vampire. Though, it wasn’t her choice or desire to fight either of them. It was a stupid vampire who looked to her for a fight. And the slayer… she killed to keep their secret. It was to protect Willow and Xander and their life here. She would always do that. That duty never changed. Buffy wondered again why she couldn’t feed on the slayer. Willow, with her magical abilities, could pull the slayer force from them. She couldn’t even stomach drinking the blood. Guess she really was cut off from the calling. Buffy started walking back through the cemetery and towards the street. She never needed to hunt in one of these places again. Would never be buried in one again. She was free. And felt free. The only ties she felt bound to now were to Willow and Xander. So she headed back down the hill and to the center of town to look for them.

* * *

Buffy, Xander and Willow just missed each other at the Horseshoe Café. They checked for each other at different times in Rumors and The Hungry Ghost. They wandered in and out of the central downtown area of Railroad and Holly, but didn’t find each other until later in the night outside the crowded nightlife in the Maritime Park further down W. Holly St. Low clouds, light rain, and still the park’s fountain was cheerfully spurting water up to the sky in an effort not to be outdone. The three were just kissing their hellos, holding hands, reconnecting when they were interrupted.

“I thought if I had you followed, I could take care of this tonight,” Alec Rollins announced as he strolled up and stopped just before Xander, Buffy and Willow. The five vampires following him spread out and circled the three of them in a way that felt all too familiar. 

“I thought we had a truce? Just how pissed are you about that guy in the bushes?” Xander calmly asked.

“Xander, what’s going on?” Willow and Buffy managed to ask at the same time.

Xander gestured to the main vampire in charge, still in the suit from before, now covered in an expensive wool overcoat completing the look. “Meet Alec… something. He’s the one I was telling you about Will. The one who wants to be a master vamp.”

“Alec Rollins!” Alec corrected indignantly. “And this isn’t about some guy in the bushes.”

“Then you have a funny definition of truce,” Xander calmly reasoned back. “All I did was turn down your job offer. You really can’t take no for an answer, huh?”

“He made you a job offer?” Buffy laughed.

“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t get a chance to tell ya about it,” Xander turned and started talking to Buffy, ignoring Alec for the moment. “He tried again earlier tonight,” he told both Willow and Buffy.

“Don’t play me for a fool. Reyes is gone. You killed him,” Alec accused. That got Xander to turn around and pay attention. “I thought when you found me, you had killed Reyes to prove you deserved a more prominent position in my organization. I agreed and offered you just that. When you turned me down, I knew you were either showing your intent to attempt to take over yourself or warning me you are a threat. Either way, the ruse of a truce is over. I will end this tonight.”

Xander threw his hands up in the air. “I didn’t even know you would be there. And I didn’t kill Reyes.”

“I did.” Buffy smiled as all eyes turned to her. “No master plan. He called me out.” She walked up towards Alec and stopped when a couple of his minions started towards her. “I don’t know who you are. And I don’t really care. So what now?”

There was a tense few moments of silence. Buffy walked back to Willow and Xander. They looked around at the vampires that surrounded them. They looked at each other and smiled. Finally, Alec’s voice rang out. “Take ‘em.”

He had a well trained crew. They had to admit that. All five attacked at once. Buffy, Willow and Xander were used to this; skilled at just this fight and just these odds. There was the strangeness of not having weapons. There was the odd balance of Xander holding his own. It seemed the three of them were overwhelmed at first. Then Buffy smashed both knees of one of the minions. The blows sent him to the ground and took him out of the fight for a while. Xander saw the move. He punched the minion attacking him in the chest repeatedly until the ribs were shards imbedded into the heart and lungs. It didn’t kill him but it had to hurt and made it impossible to fight. Willow stunned one with an uppercut to the chin with her elbow and then took him down with a kick to his knee. While he lay there, the first weapon came into play. A branch shot up from the ground and zipped into the minion’s heart before anyone even noticed. He turned to dust. Alec’s crew was stunned and looked around for the new threat. Buffy and Xander knew what happened and took advantage of their distraction. They kept incapacitating the minions and Willow kept the branches flying. Soon, it was Buffy, Willow and Xander staring at a frightened and stunned Alec. Xander smiled. “Take him.” Willow launched a short, thick twig into his heart. He turned to dust looking around, expensive overcoat flapping and dissipating into the ether.

Buffy, Willow and Xander looked at each other and laughed. “That was just like old times,” Buffy remarked excitedly. “Only, the remake version. And now I have the strangest desire for popcorn and a movie.”

“Home?” Willow suggested.

“Home.” Buffy and Xander agreed together.


	4. Settled

The next day, Cordelia was again seated at the dining table, writing in the journal. A coffee cup was near her hand. A dirty plate and fork pushed forgotten off to the side. She had managed to cook and eat scrambled eggs and toast. It was getting a little better. The night before, she ran to the mall to shop and to think. The kitchen needed pots and pans, tableware, dishes… everything. She needed to process what had just happened. Seeing that dead man on the floor didn’t horrify her. Scared her for a moment, but… didn’t really change anything. There had always been casualties. And at the end of her old life, hadn’t she also caused the death of innocents? Seeing it changed nothing. If anything, it stoked the burning sting of betrayal and grief she felt for all of them. She still wanted to help them. Still needed their help. She didn’t want to be alone. She felt nothing for that man and everything for Willow, Xander and Buffy and what happened to them. What they went through. What she went through. What happened to her. There was nothing that could be done to change it. Wouldn’t trust anything that offered to make it right. All she hoped for now was that they helped each other live with it.

These thoughts were being worked out in the journal when Xander, the first to rise, came down the stairs. Cordelia looked over and then ducked her head back over the journal. He was wearing jeans. Nothing else, just the jeans. To be fair, she didn’t know if he had anything on under the jeans or not and guessed she should be grateful he was at least wearing the jeans. Cordelia realized, remembered, the fact that these were vampires who kill was not actually the main thing she would have to get used to right away.

“Morning, Sunshine,” Xander padded barefoot over to the kitchen area and hopped onto the island counter.

“That name isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, is it?” Cordelia smiled and looked up at him. She drew in a sudden breath when she noticed scratches running down his chest. She resolutely exhaled and cleared her mind of unwanted images, instead focusing again of the table, the journal, anything else.

Xander laughed. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear us,” he teased. He looked down at the open journal; at the scrolling, running cursive that filled the page. “I don’t remember you writing that much all through school combined.”

Cordelia closed the journal. She looked back up at Xander. “Just trying to make some sense of it all.”

“You let me know if you ever do.” Xander smiled when Cordelia smiled and tilted her head in response. “So I guess last night didn’t get you running to the hills around here?” he continued.

“No,” Cordelia confirmed. “I’m with you guys. The world can just take care of itself. We sacrificed for the greater good, for humanity and look what we got. You’re who I trust. You’re who I want to help. This is where I choose to be.” Cordelia closed her eyes and just kept breathing through her wait for an answer.

“Okay,” Xander replied offhandedly. He jumped off the counter. “Then I guess I better order the stuff I’ll need to build you that room.”

Cordelia opened her eyes and watched him as he wandered over for the phone then doubled back to the area under the loft and retrieved a clipboard. She listened, stunned, relieved, as he started placing the order. She jumped in her seat when Buffy’s voice sounded suddenly close and unexpected.

“Coffee!” Buffy commanded the universe. The universe supplied. She poured herself a cup from the half full pot on the kitchen counter. She walked back around the island and sat down at the table next to Cordelia. “Xander ordering the wood and stuff to build the room?”

“Yeah,” Cordelia nodded in response. She tried to look at Buffy, but kept adverting her eyes. Buffy was covered, but only in a black silk robe. A robe that was loosely tied and draping open.

“You okay?” Buffy politely asked, though a bit of playful mirth could be heard in her voice.

“From last night? I’m fine,” Cordelia decided to direct the far too open question.

“I only ask because your heartbeat’s up,” Buffy commented. The teasing tone was still present.

“You startled me,” Cordelia accused and defended.

“Sorry,” Buffy offered. She smiled.

“No you’re not,” Cordelia countered. She laughed and shook her head.

Buffy looked at the plate on the table. “We have dishes. Do we have pots and pans and a kitchen full of stuff now?”

“The basics,” Cordelia took a big gulp of coffee and looked over to the kitchen. 

“We still have coffee?” Willow asked from right behind Cordelia, making her jump again. Buffy laughed.

“Damn it! I’m putting collars with bells on each of you,” Cordelia exclaimed. She watched Willow walk around her and into the kitchen. Willow, at least, was clothed. The button-up shirt was only using two of the buttons, but it was better than the others.

Willow joined Buffy and Cordelia at the table. “Sounds sexy.”

Buffy laughed again and Cordelia just gave up and buried her head in her arms on the table. Xander joined them. “All set. The first round of supplies will arrive tomorrow morning. You’ll meet ‘em downstairs and sign for it, right Cordy?”

“Yeah,” Cordelia’s muffled agreement drifted out.

“What’s with her?” Xander motioned to Cordelia and looked to Buffy and then Willow.

Buffy caught Xander’s attention first. She shifted in her seat and her robe open a little further. “It turns out Cordy’s actually hoping for some pet vampires.”

“If only that it could be so,” Cordelia snappishly challenged as she sat up. The sudden fleeting impulse for some control over all of this provoked comment before thought.

“Really?!” Xander pushed. He was offended by the very idea. Of course he was offended. Why was he intrigued? 

“No! Not really!” Cordelia denied. “Not really.” She took a deep breath. “Is there any way to get out of this conversation?”

Buffy and Willow laughed. It was Willow who spoke up. “For now.” Willow took a sip of coffee, then continued. “You should be able to go to the bank today and get access to your own account. I had a drivers license, birth certificate and social security card made for you. They look good too. That Quodquoth demon that hangs out at Jack’s place does good work. Since you didn’t come here with anything, we had to make it from scratch. Not sure what the powers thought you were gonna do about that. Anyway, it’s all set.”

Cordelia looked Willow in the eyes and smiled. “Thank you.” Her smiled slowly faded. “But what if people find out I’m still alive? I don’t want to explain any of this. And doesn’t it put you guys in danger?”

“Oh, sorry,” Willow grinned sheepishly. “I forgot to mention. I changed your name, your place of birth and your date of birth.”

Cordelia considered it for a moment. She sipped her coffee. “Is that like why I’ve been signing Buffy’s name Joan Morte? So, what’d I get?”

Willow nodded. “That’s why. We all have different names. Don’t worry, yours isn’t bad. You’re Cordelia Banks, born and raised in L.A., and you’re twenty-three years old. Meet Alexander Corazon,” she gestured to Xander. “I’m Willameena Flamme and you already know Joan. We’re also from L.A. and we’re twenty-two.”

“You made me a year older than the rest of you?” Cordelia protested incredulously. She took another deep breath. “Banks. That’s funny. You’re right, it’s not bad. Thank you, again.”

“You’re welcome,” Willow nodded. “Try not to look too surprised at the amount in the account,” she teased.

“Why?! How much is in the account?” Cordelia was suddenly worried.

“If I told you, it would spoil the surprise,” Willow laughed.

Xander wandered over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He pulled out a beer and motioned to Buffy and Willow, silently asking if they wanted one as well. Seeing their accent, he pulled three beers out. “So, we’re set for now?” he asked the group.

“Just hanging out ‘til the sun sets,” Buffy confirmed. She got up and moved to the couch. She sat back and rested her arms behind her head. The robe just covered her thighs, opened in a ‘V’ down to the tie, but managed to mostly cover her breasts. Still, it was inviting. Willow got up to join her on the couch and Xander brought them the beers, then sat down on the other side of Buffy. Cordelia opened the journal to a blank page. She started drawing and doodling as a way to distract herself. She wondered what they would do now.

Buffy extended her arm along the back of the couch and started idly running her fingers through Xander’s hair. “So, you had a job interview, huh?”

Xander laughed softly. “Nah. I had a run in with him and a couple of his goons a few nights ago. He recognized me from Jack’s place, and since I just stood up to him, thought he’d better get me on the team. Just another would be master vamp trying to shore up support. You know how it goes.” Xander tilted back his bottle of beer.

“Were you tempted?” Buffy gently asked.

Xander turned his head and kissed the palm of Buffy’s hand. “By what? The chance to control the underworld doings of the city and demand the fear and respect of some officials? Eh…” Xander hedged. Buffy’s fingers massaged the back of his neck, sparked the connection. The expanding and deepening bond allowed honesty. “Yeah, almost. That call I feel, it suddenly had a bit of focus. But it’s much dimmer now. And I’ve been at your side near forever. I’m not just gonna leave it to stand next to some suit. This is where I belong.” Xander pushed Buffy’s robe aside and rested his hand on her thigh. He stroked her skin with his thumb and looked her in the eye. “Can I ask you something?” His eye closed when Buffy leaned forward and kissed him. As she leaned back, he opened his eye and smiled. “I’ll take that as a yes. I already asked Willow. I’ll ask you. The big bad call to destroy everything is a dull roar now, so the whole Slayer/Sire’s blood thing worked. But what if it didn’t and I was just like any other vampire?”

“I’d hope you’d still choose to stay with us,” Buffy quickly and easily answered, her eyes never wavering from his.

“Just like that?” Xander sought reconfirmation.

Buffy smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. “Always. Why, what did Willow say?”

“I said basically the same thing,” Willow spoke up from the other side of Buffy. She had been content to just eavesdrop, but now that the conversation was getting more serious, she needed to feel the bond that bridged the broken bits and allowed the emotion. Willow scooted closer to Buffy and slid her hand under the robe to rest on Buffy’s leg. Her fingers started tracing the skin of Buffy’s inner thigh.

“Ahhh,” Buffy closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the couch. “What were we talking about?”

Willow laughed and eased the teasing touch. “Sorry.”

Buffy looked over to her and smiled. “Don’t be.” She turned her attention back to Xander. “So, before, with your question. Are you saying you’re not a typical vampire?”

“No, I am, I guess,” Xander tried to vocalize what he’d been thinking lately. “Just one with a little more free will than usual.”

Buffy adjusted her position. She leaned against him and into his arms. She brought her legs up and onto Willow’s lap. “That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

“Not at all,” Xander confirmed and kissed her on the head.

Buffy relaxed into Xander’s arms. She smiled when Willow pushed the robe completely off her legs and started running her fingers from calf to thigh. “I had a strange thing happen a few nights ago I didn’t tell you about yet,” Buffy started the confession.

“What?” Willow offered the expected reply. She leaned over Buffy’s legs and grabbed her beer off the table. After taking a decent pull, she dragged the cold bottle over the skin of Buffy’s leg.

“Hey!” Buffy protested. She motioned for Willow to get her beer for her. “I saw one of your slayers kill a vampire in an alley.”

“One of my slayers?!” Willow interrupted. “Why are they my slayers?”

“Your spell called them,” Buffy reasoned.

“It was your idea,” Willow countered.

Buffy waved the idea off. “Anyway, I saw a slayer kill a vampire. I heard her talking to herself. She didn’t have a watcher yet, but she knew of them. The Bringers killed the one who trained her. So, I… So I killed her before they could find her and assign someone.”

“You didn’t want to?” Xander wondered out loud. Even just hearing of it, he felt the urge to go out and hunt for another slayer. He remembered Willow had killed a slayer and then bragged about it. Willow told them all about how different it was to drain a slayer: the power, the fire, the life in the blood.

Buffy opened herself to the pulse of the bond, let it beat through her and fill her. She felt Xander’s arm wrapped around her, his hand resting on the skin just under her breast. She watched Willow absently run a hand over her calf. She trusted them. “No. If it was just me, I would have left her alone. But it isn’t just me, and we don’t need the Council here finding us. There’s more,” Buffy confessed. She took a large pull of her beer.

“Buffy, it’s okay. It makes sense, you being a Slayer and all. I’m sorry you had to do that,” Willow’s run on understanding tried to make everything alright. “Next time, call one of us.”

Buffy smiled. “You just want another slayer,” she teased. “The more thing is a bit of a mystery. I fed off her, cause I remember you talking it up.” Buffy motioned to Willow with a tilt of her beer bottle. “Then I violently threw it all back up,” she concluded abruptly. “What?” and “Why?” followed from Willow and Xander. Buffy laughed. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

“It must have something to do with your slayer part,” Willow started analyzing out loud. “I wonder if Xander will have the same problem to some extent.”

“Hey!” Xander objected to the idea. “Really?”

“Probably not,” Buffy consoled him. She stroked his arm. “It felt very much like I was rejecting it.” Buffy nudged Willow with her leg to get her attention. “Willow, I’m sure when you do all your research you’ll figure it out. It’s just another piece of the puzzle. But not now. I just wanted to tell you guys about it.”

“Alright,” Willow relented. She started tracing her fingers higher up Buffy’s leg, from the underside of her knee up her inner thigh. If she was going to be sidetracked from research, she would distract herself in other ways. “But I want to keep researching this. I want to understand everything that’s going on.”

“I know,” Buffy acknowledged. She smiled and opened her legs a little wider into the touch. “I want you to.”

“I went back to the sea last night,” Willow confessed, mostly to Xander. She looked him in the eye. “Being who I am and how I am is enough.”

“What are we talking about here?” Buffy felt like she was missing something.

Willow faced them both. “You know I found I could connect with the power in the ocean. I’ve been going to the sea to feel that power, to practice pulling it. And, well, that entity, it started talking to me, by the way. No problem!” Willow quickly reassured. “I didn’t piss it off or anything. But I realized, with Xander’s help, and yours too, Buffy, though you didn’t know you were doing it, that I didn’t need to do it, that I didn’t need that power.”

Xander reached across the back of the couch and held Willow’s hand when she reached for his in turn. “Good job, Will,” he commended.

“I’m still lost,” Buffy put in.

“The call of that power was calling me away from you guys,” Willow started to try and explain. “The part of me that wants to fix everything was the part of me that was drawn to it. All powered up and manipulating… that’s not being in a relationship. I don’t want to be the boss of us. I’ll just, learn to live in my own skin and do the magic that I can do. I choose you guys. You’re much sexier than some dark, dank sea aspect anyway.” Willow drained her beer and put it on the table.

“Well, thank you, I think,” Buffy teased to lighten the mood and give her a moment to think. She handed Willow her empty beer bottle so it could also be placed away on the table. “I get it,” she started in a more serious tone. “I’m proud of you, Will. I know what we lost. It’s… different now. The empty space. But together…” Buffy reached up and put her hand over Willow and Xander’s.

“Yeah,” Willow confirmed and smiled.

“You sure you didn’t piss off this water god? Cause if we have to fight him one day…” Buffy switched from consoling to worry.

“Aspect,” Willow quickly corrected. “Not a god. And no, he, I think it’s a he, maybe. He wasn’t angry. It’s okay with him if we keep talking. Though he definitely sets the conversation and it makes little sense.” Willow placed her hand on top of Buffy and Xander’s and squeezed. “I remembered something finally. A little late, but better late than never and all that. There’s a difference between connecting to commune with a source of power and connecting to draw from a source of power. Communing, good. There’s a line there. I’m always bad at not crossing lines.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my Willow,” Xander asserted. 

Suddenly, Buffy started laughing. “You know, it’s like nothing’s changed, only… Last night, we end up in a fight that felt just like slaying patrol nights. Only now, Xander’s a kick ass fighter. Willow’s still researching for answers. Only now, she doesn’t have to solve all the problems.”

“And you?” Xander wondered. He trailed his fingers over her chest and across her breasts.

“I have the both of you at my side,” Buffy began. She tangled her fingers in Xander’s hair and looked into Willow’s eyes. “Only now, I can have you both in a way only fantasized at night after patrols.”

“And how was that?” Willow insisted. She untied Buffy’s robe and the upper part draped open. Willow ran her hand up Buffy’s inner thigh and lightly teased between her legs as she waited for an answer.

Buffy felt Xander cup a breast and pinch her nipple. She grabbed Willow’s wrist and pressed her hand to her center. “Just like this,” Buffy encouraged. She pulled Xander forward and kissed him.

Willow smiled and bent down to kiss Buffy’s hip. She entered her with two fingers and fucked her while her thumb stroked her clit. Willow looked up and across the room to see if Cordelia was still at the table. Willow rested her head on Buffy’s hip and felt Buffy’s fingers tangle in her hair. She watched Cordelia watching them. Cordelia darted her attention back to the journal when she saw she had been spotted. Willow was sure she would soon enough start to watch the show again. A tug on her hair pulled her focus back to Buffy and she trailed kisses across her hip. 

Buffy encouraged Xander to kneed her breasts and pinch her nipples. She bared her neck to his blunt teeth. She glanced across the room and smiled at Cordelia. “You okay over there?” Buffy called out.

Cordelia looked quickly down at the table again. She refused to look up and over. “Yeah, fine. Just… dandy.”

Buffy felt Willow quicken her pace and deepen her thrusts. Xander kissed down her neck. “Oh, god. Me too,” Buffy joyfully agreed.

As she listened to Willow and Xander laugh, Cordelia folded her arms on the table and dropped her head on top of them. Breathing steady and deep, she resigned herself to one last test. She giggled a little and peeked over again. It wasn’t the worst thing she’d seen, it was just one of the strangest things she’d seen.

 

The End


End file.
